Husband doesn't understand why we say slichos

amother

Goldenrod

Sat, Sep 01 2018, 8:08 pm

How would you respond to this comment from dh:

I find it hard to believe that after 120 years hashem is going to care about whether I went to shul and read slichos of which I virtually don't understand a word I'm saying. Is this really what hashem wants from me?

thunderstorm

Sat, Sep 01 2018, 8:33 pm

It's very difficult to focus and concentrate saying stuff when you are tired and supposed to be sleeping. So it's understandable to say something like that. I would think that someone that doesn't understand what they are readin should study it before. Buy an Artscroll version with translation or a book on selichos and learn and educate yourself about what's being said.

Rappel

Sat, Sep 01 2018, 8:40 pm

He's right. As it says in Yeshayahu, G-d wants our hearts, not meaningless sacrifices.

That being said, I'm curious: why doesn't he read the selichot in English?

chani8

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 2:32 am

Sounds like he's looking for permission to not do slichos. He doesn't *have to* do slichos. I tell my husband and kids, your religious observance is up to you. Don't look at me to push you to do what you dont want to do. And I'm not going to judge you.

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 5:49 am

Rappel wrote:

He's right. As it says in Yeshayahu, G-d wants our hearts, not meaningless sacrifices.

That being said, I'm curious: why doesn't he read the selichot in English?

He's a very "bottom line" person and he believes that saying slichos is not in the torah and will not in any way impact his portion in the world to come. He likes to say about several things that are mainstream in the frum community that after 120, he doesn't believe that hashem will care whether he did or didn't do a particular thing. In this case it's slichos.

amother

Green

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 6:11 am

I’m coming from a different place-

My dh learns a lot (works all day too) and is constantly working on understanding things and growing in his yiddishkeit.

He understands the words of slichos and nothing would make him stay home last night even though he was sick and sound asleep since shabbos was over.

My ds does not take after my dh. He slept through the whole thing and kind of asked what the big deal is about slichos anyway.

Ruchel

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 6:22 am

amother wrote:

Problem is then, we can say that about many things... Can he ask a shaila to say it at home? and/or in his language

PinkFridge

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 6:39 am

amother wrote:

You ask what we would say to this. But you've been dealing with the concept. Is it impacting your kids and their chinuch? Do you have some idea of a roadmap to deal with this in a way that will create shalom bayis and effective chinuch? Anyone IRL you can bounce things off of when you have these kinds of questions?
Hatzlacha!

P.S. In this case, I would definitely advocate getting a good translation and saying it in English.

leah233

Sun, Sep 02 2018, 6:48 am

amother wrote:

There are two issues here (1) your husband does not understand what Selichos means and doesn't want to say them (actually ask for them) and(2) he finds it difficult to believe that Hashem cares whether he says them or not.

I'm not in the position to comment on (1) other than to say he can always get an Artscroll Selichos .

(2)is actually more concerning. It is important to understand that yes Hashem does care and does value every mitzvah a person does. Saying Shelichos started over a thousand years ago.It's in Shulcah Orech Plenty of unlearned people who didn't understand the words made immense effort to say them anyway. It cannot just be brushed away as something that Hashem doesn't care about.