I dont enjoy mothering :(

amother

Burgundy

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 9:26 am

I'm at a loss what to do. I feel resentful and challenged and not satisfied. mothering comes so hard in all aspects. the physical like cooking, feeding, shopping for clothes, breaking up fights it's all so hard. then there's the emotional part: giving attention, unconditional love, listening to endless stories, complaints, experiences. it's so draining for me. I want to be different. I love my kids and I so much want to give them the best childhood but I feel depleted. self care doesn't do enough for me. please give me some perspective and ideas how to enjoy my kids. to love spending time with them. I know that others would give anything to be in my shoes but it doesn't help me feel differently. what can help me?

Ruchel

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 9:42 am

Find what you do like, and do the most of this.
You are allowed to NOT want endless story, or to not watch cartoons with them, or to not play on the floor. Maybe another mom does. But you, you do ______ that she wouldn't.

amother

Orange

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 9:46 am

I think sooo many of us can relate.
When I was younger I dreamed of a family of 12 children. I always loved kids!!

As soon as I had one I realized how challenging being a mother is.

What helped me is get onto long term BC and focusing on the kids I have now.
Not thinking about future children if and what.

As they got a bit older, life calmed down a bit, and I start having more good moments bh.

Baruch HaShem over again a million times, I’m so grateful for my beautiful family, but it isn’t easy.

amother

Ecru

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 9:49 am

Are you working out of the house? My friend can't be with her kids all day, it's the only reason she's working. If you don't work, maybe consider getting a job for afew hours a day.

ssspectacular

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 10:07 am

You don't believe it right now but this stage will pass. They will grow up soon enough and you wont be so busy with all the physical tasks. Meanwhile, make things easier for yourself. Take cleaning help, buy takeout......Get other people to help (dh?)

But it is important to make time to play with them, talk to them and mostly LISTEN to them. You can do it on your own terms but don't neglect the emotional aspect.

pushingforward

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 10:08 am

Such feelings can comes from being overwhelmed and trying to be perfect in too many areas,(cleaning, cooking, shopping, raising kids+) sometimes we have to choose whats most important for us, and allow our-self to be easy in other areas. Lets remember were "human".

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 10:29 am

I can relate. I’ve been feeling like this so much lately. But I’m hoping this will pass when life returns to routine. I’ve come to accept that I cannot be with my children all day. Even my littlest one. I am feeling very anxious about tishrei and what mothering will entail but I think we will be better off after.

amother

Burgundy

Thu, Sep 06 2018, 10:47 am

I hear y'all. thing is I want to enjoy this yomtov season. I don't want to be waiting for after. I feel guilty pushing time and I want to be the mommy that loves yomtov with her kids. besides, this is not just about the busy season now and lack of routine. even regular months are hard for me.