Friends chose the name we want to use!

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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names

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amother

Lemon

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 12:29 am

My friend just gave birth and it turns out that she named her baby with the name that we have in mind for our baby (I am due in less than two months iy"H). What would you do? We picked this name because we find it's the only name that goes nicely together with the second name (which is named after my MIL).

We are pretty close and the children will most likely be in the same class. Would this be a reason for you to choose a different name? Would it be offensive for my friend if we would still choose the same name? Really curious to hear your opinions.

amother

Chocolate

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 12:32 am

Its not the only name that goes nicely with the second name.

That said - name your baby what you want to name your baby. Pick a different nickname then your friend.

Kiwi13

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 12:37 am

Use the name you want for your baby. Bshaa Tova.

WhatFor

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 12:45 am

Use the name that you think suits your child. Your child's name shouldn't be affected by its mother's friend's child's name, imo.

Also, life brings lots of surprises and even though you think that in 5-6 years your kids will be in the same school, you really never know. One of you could move, a different school could open up, etc.

amother

Apricot

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 1:13 am

[edited] Why can't your kid & your fiends kid have the same name???

amother

Brunette

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 2:01 am

I was at a bris of a neighbor/friend while pregnant and when they announced the name I was surprised because it was the exact name we were planning on using if we had a boy. I worried about it for a while, especially because we have a similar last name, but eventually figured we'd name our child after the relatives as planned no matter what other people had done. We lucked out and had a girl so there wasn't any issue in the end. We used that name years later when we had a boy.

jerusalem90

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 2:16 am

Use the name anyway!

If one of my friends named their kid what I named one of my kids, I'd be pleased figuring we both have similarly good taste 😀

tachles

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 3:18 am

It would be completely ridiculous for anyone to think you named your child to “copy” the name your friend used to name her child.

It would be even more ridiculous to avoid naming your child the name he / she should receive because of friends child.

As to : Would it be offensive to your friend? She’s pathetic if that’s offensive to her.

Use the name you want ! Your child’s name is more important than this kind of thinking. Just be above it.

Also, A very close friend of mine wanted to name her child the same name as mine right after, and I urged her to do so. I don’t own my children’s names. Why should anyone be limited in using them because they know me?

Bshaa tova, OP

FranticFrummie

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 3:26 am

You don't know yet how the kids are going to feel about their names, too.

For an example, you have two girls named Chaya Sarah.

One goes by Sarah, one by Chaya.
One is Sarah, one is Sarale, Sari, etc.
One might get a different nickname altogether, from a friend.

Slightly different situation, I went to a mixed high school. There were a couple of kids who were dating. Lauren, and Loren. That was interesting! I always wondered if they got married.

amother

Blush

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 3:34 am

My SIL chose the name I really really wanted to use. It was a more awkward situation because our kids would be cousins and super close in age. I ended up picking a different name that ended up feeling right at that time. If I have another girl one day, I'll probably use that name then.

happyone

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 4:32 am

We generally name after deceased parents, grandparents or great grandparents, so most siblings end up using the same names. Many go to the same schools if they live in same city.
Who cares??? Each child has their own identity, personality etc.
A friend giving same name with different last name shouldn't bother you in the least bit!

amother

Pewter

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 5:29 am

My dd picked a girl as her best friend who has the same first name she has. They run around together almost every day and even look quite similar (same slightly unusual hair color). We don't mind.

Ruchel

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 7:43 am

In my kids first school there were several Alte named for a relative. It's cool!

Seas

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 9:17 am

Really what's the big deal? In our not-huge family we have 3 Avrumis, 5 Yitzchoks, 6 Suris etc., named after the various grandparents. Not to mention that with boys of a certain age you'll find classes with 50% or more carrying the same name of a tzaddik who passed away before they were born.

amother

Silver

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 9:26 am

I'm a morah and there's hardly a year when there aren't at least 2 girls who share a name.
My daughter also shares her name with a classmate.
Not a big deal.

OOTforlife

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 9:43 am

I can imagine having reservations about going ahead to use the name only if it's a very unusual name. Two Rivkas in a class is unremarkable. But if the name is Hoglah or something unusual then I would feel funny using it right after someone else. Maybe I still would, but I'd feel awkward.

amother

Lemon

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 11:24 am

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond. I REALLY appreciate. Seeing that you all agree on this point was really reassuring.

OBnursemom

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 12:28 pm

I can imagine the conversation now:
Your friend: So who is your baby named after?
You: My MIL
Your friend: So nice! Mazel tov!

amother

cornflower

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 1:01 pm

amother wrote:

Anon because I'm posting details that are super specific to me.

My son had 6 boys in his class named Henoch Chanoch. All were first cousins. It was in a school in Queens with a ton of chofetz chaim families and it was right after the death of the Rosh Yeshiva who's name was Henoch Chanoch. 6 boys. Same class. Same family. What are the odds. He used to come home crying "all the Henochs were mean to me today"... it was amusing. My son's name is Nachman, and had we sent him to another school in the area, he would have been one of several Nachmans in his class.

It's ok to use the same name. Love it and enjoy it. There are so many unknowns. You may move. She may move. May not be in the same class... you may look at the baby and realize that the name isn't fitting. You never know.

Bshah Tovah.

amother

Amber

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 3:36 pm

My daughter just started school. She's having a classmate with the same first, middle, and last name. (Happens to be a relative, but my DD doesn't know this other girl) This classmate is only joining later this year so I'm not yet sure how they'll differentiate. But they'll probably get an A or B after their name. I don't care. Hope my dd won't either.

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