Guest cancelled right before meal

Cheiny

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 12:50 pm

imasinger wrote:

"Hi, sorry about RH, we'd love to join you for a meal in your sukkah."

"Hi, we missed you! TBH, it was really exhausting to have worked so hard to make a nice seudah for all of you and even your guest, and disappointing when you cancelled last second. So, while we'd love to get together with you on Sukkos, let's make it potluck. I'll do meat and salad, what can you bring?"

I totally disagree with offering to cook again for them! Now it’s their turn, and OP shouldn’t put herself in the position again of being taken advantage of.

ectomorph

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 1:02 pm

So my husband just reminded me that we did call them just before shabbos (mind you we got home from emergency room like 2 min before shabbos and had nothing to eat) .

Also it was right before purim and we sent them a nice shalach manos. They weren't home so we left it at the door and never acknowledged it.

Whatever, I know we acted very well and I'm not going to take amother comments personally.

My point in sharing this story was not for OP who I think has valid point since the guests were callous but just to help appreciate that you don't really know what ppl go thru.

We've had people cancel on us since then for various valid or less valid appearing reasons and I try to be understanding. I feel bad that this family couldn't forgive us and I try to be on the understanding end.

tachles

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 2:53 pm

amother wrote:

very upsetting.

we did that once...I had a miscarriage during yontef and just really couldnt attend a seude with friends. but I sent dh with one kid and excused myself and said I really didnt feel well (I didnt say I had a mis of course)...

I sent along some cake and wine just to show that I DO CARE and appreciate the work they put into serving guests.

also I called right after yontef and spoke to the balabuste emphasising how much dh and kid enjoyed their hosting and company and that I honestly regret I couldnt come I insinuated that I had a good reason not to join last minute and that I am very happy to host them soon ...

she was fine with it.

but hadnt I sent dh and hadnt I made the phonecall I guess they would be super upset with us.

it also happened to us once. we waited for a family...the husband arrived almost 90 minutes late without his wife and kids, saying they wouldnt come. I was super shocked. why????? his wife is upset at him because he took forever at a different shul and she hates being late so she decided they dont come at all. I was very upset BUT wrapped up food and sent it over. she was after a baby and I guess she was hormonal...so yeah stuff happens.

I just want to say, I truly think your amazing.

amother

Lime

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 3:19 pm

amother wrote:

You should have gone and made an effort to find it. I understand why the family was so upset. Did you try to make it up to them some way?

I would never have gone without DH as a newlywed. Even now I don't know if I would.

Social anxiety is a hidden issue, but it's very real.

Dandelion1

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 3:52 pm

amother wrote:

You should have gone and made an effort to find it. I understand why the family was so upset. Did you try to make it up to them some way?

What young newlywed wife would leave her sick husband on a Friday night to go eat a Shabbos meal somewhere else?? So odd to even suggest.

Raisin

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 4:17 pm

ectomorph wrote:

I don't think you did anything wrong. People cancel on me for less serious illnesses all the time and I think that is justified.

amother

Puce

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 7:37 pm

I was invited to a friend for a Friday night meal. We had a toddler. My SIL who was staying by us from oot was invited too. Friday morning I was admitted to the hospital for observation due a complication in my pregnancy. I came home 20 minutes before candle lighting. I told my friend that I probably wouldn’t make it as I had just been discharged from the hospital and was not up to walking 4 flights of stairs to her apartment. She offered to send over food but I declined as I was not up to eating. Just after shkiah my water broke and labor started. I was just entering my ninth month. I went to the hospital with my husband. My SIL took my toddler to my friend. My friend was understanding. The next morning, she told her I had a baby that night.

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 10:29 pm

Well, at least they were honest - so there is that! But it is terribly frustrating, and a lot of effort goes into preparing a YT meal for 6 adult guests.

This is why we have a one-meal-a-day rule for YT. We only have guests or eat out at one meal per day - dinner or lunch. That way, we know we have some downtime and can really enjoy our one meal as guests or hosts.

We had RH guests who, as we were welcoming them into our house, said "can we make this fast, I need to get back home so I can nap before I get ready for our guests this evening". I made me feel awful - I'd prepared a huge lunch meal, we had other guests who didn't want to rush through lunch, and I felt really disrespected, like a line cook to feed her family so they could get out the door to nap and get ready for their guests. I haven't invited them back.....so I totally get where you are coming from!

If you are not going to be able to come for the meal, be present and gracious, then don't accept the invite! Emergencies do happen, and I understand that sometimes people cancel for a lame-sounding reason to hide something private. But this no-show or hurry-up for a nap - not much patience for that!

Ruchi

Wed, Sep 12 2018, 11:10 pm

I truly feel sorry for you OP that you have to go through this very hurtful and upsetting experience. There is nothing like slaving over the stove. preparing nice food for guests and then they don't arrive.

Some people are just plain innocent and clueless and have no idea the ramifications they cause when they cancel a meal just like that. They don't realise that is socially inappropriate to cancel a meal in the eleventh hour when it is not enough of a valid reason.

Your guests seem to be just that type as they very nonchalantly stated that they were going in for a nap.

It will take you some time to get over this and I wish you inner peace and calm in handling the hurtful and upset feelings that this has caused you

chanchy123

Thu, Sep 13 2018, 2:30 am

amother wrote:

We had RH guests who, as we were welcoming them into our house, said "can we make this fast, I need to get back home so I can nap before I get ready for our guests this evening". I made me feel awful - I'd prepared a huge lunch meal, we had other guests who didn't want to rush through lunch, and I felt really disrespected, like a line cook to feed her family so they could get out the door to nap and get ready for their guests. I haven't invited them back.....so I totally get where you are coming from!

Wow, that is so rude, makes you feel that you are not as important as the guests your guest had invited whom they really want to spend time with.