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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Must she take his last name?
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 7:02 am
doodlesmom wrote:
Well if the name is d!ck or Stuhl - I know people who are super immature about it so I get the issue but don't know how I would deal.


OP here - It's a different word often used for your first example
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 7:30 am
amother wrote:
Please, please let her make up her own mind about this, and please, please do not pressure or guilt her, and hope his parents would be the same.

Dh and I both changed our last names together when we got married. We had our reasons and it was, without a doubt, the best choice for us. My parents were fine with it but we were heavily guilted by my in-laws. While there's something to be said about retaining tradition, there's also something to be said about a newly married couple moving forward into the future as a new family. Your daughter needs to do what's best for her, and I hope you are able to support her in that.


OP here - I am not pressuring or guilting her - she asked me for advice and I had none to give. Of course we will support her and her new family. I would just hate it if it caused the new family to think negatively of her.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 7:35 am
amother wrote:
Lots of posters are telling OP to mind her own business and let her DD figure it out for herself, but OP has stated that her DD has specifically sought her advice on the matter - not innapropriate given that the couple are still dating, not even engaged. It seems that OP simply wants to hear different perspectives on the issue so she can help her daughter. Additionally, she might be trying to gauge how often this sort of thing happens.

Anyway, DD could certinly keep her maiden name, they could combine both names (if that would work) or choose a new name together, perhaps an adaptaion of his name, but they obviously need to figure it out together. It sounds as if the boy doesn't really like the name either so he might be pleased not to pass it on to his children.

Did I read right that his sister is married but kept the "bad" name?

In my country, women do not change their names when they marry but obviously OP is not from here ;-)

I really hope a solution can be reached because it's so hard to find the right person.



OP Here - thanks for understanding the reason I posted my question. Yes, you did read right, the sister kept the bad name.

The family is proud of the bad name and even incorporate it into costumes for purim and things like that.

I'm 100% sure that the name will not keep my daughter away, I just don't want her to rock the boat with his family
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 7:35 am
Perhaps you can share my story with your daughter to offer another perspective: I'm one of the older ones in a large family with a really weird last name and a unique first name. I was a shy kid and was so embarrassed at school when the teachers would call attendance and stutter over my name. Fast forward quite a few years, and my first name has become hugely commonplace (I used to turn around when I heard it because for sure it was someone calling me! but no more!) and my last name - well, so many of my siblings have passed through the school system, summer camps, community stuff, and their friends know the name, and their families know the name, and by now it has become oh, you're a "katzenellenbogen?" how nice. and that's it.

funny how life turns out somehow. sometimes the things that matter a lot become less important as time goes on. sometimes you want to seize the bull by the horns so to speak, and do something to change a name... I'd tell her to let the relationship and life develop and see what happens.
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 7:35 am
I grew up with a weird but pronounceable last name. The type of name that every new person I ever met asked me to repeat it and then asked where it came from.
I was hoping to marry someone with a nice, normal last name but instead I married someone with weird and unpronounceable last name. So now they don't bother asking me what it means, but they ask me how to pronounce it!
I got used to it and it doesn't bother me anymore. I like the uniqueness!
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ggdm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 9:27 am
zaq wrote:
Wrong. It means a chair in Russian, Yiddish and German.

At least in German "Stuhl" is both, a chair and stool (feces).

[and now back to the real topic, which I have nothing to say about]
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Clarissa




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 9:34 am
My first husband's name was pretty bad, so I didn't take it. Then, when I married husband #2, he wanted me to take his name (and I kind of said I would) but then I changed my mind, because I'd had my own name for so long. I said, "Hey, I didn't do it for the other guy, either." Small comfort. But I still have my last name.

To torture him, when he calls home, I say this. "Hello, [my last name] residence and ONLY [my last name] residence." He is not amused. Wife of the year!
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 11:27 am
doodlesmom wrote:
Well if the name is d!ck or Stuhl - I know people who are super immature about it so I get the issue but don't know how I would deal.

The meaning of the Jewish name d!ck is thick,strong.It originates from (Middle?) High German. Stuhl, as others have said, also means a chair. In English, it also means a backless, armless stool.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 11:50 am
Del
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egam




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 12:07 pm
ggdm wrote:
At least in German "Stuhl" is both, a chair and stool (feces).

[and now back to the real topic, which I have nothing to say about]


And so is in Russian.
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 12:11 pm
In Israel is is very common to change last names when you have a hard to pronounce name. Some people try to Hebraicize their name, like Weiss becomes HaLivni. Some people just take their father's name as their last name, like Ben-David or Ben-Moshe.
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 2:44 pm
amother wrote:
The meaning of the Jewish name d!ck is thick,strong.It originates from (Middle?) High German. Stuhl, as others have said, also means a chair. In English, it also means a backless, armless stool.


It seems to me that being named Thicke would be easier for a child or adult than being named d!ck, and would carry the same meaning, if that is what is important. It is true that changing a last name means that tracing the family becomes much harder, but if tracing the family is so important, and last names are the best way of doing that, women's names should always be incorporated into the last name because otherwise, you're only able to trace one line in the family.

A well-known person in my field is originally Vietnamese, was educated in Europe, and now works in another East Asian country. His last name is Dung. He pronounces it "Doong" but most people pronounce it as "Dung". It hasn't held him back professionally, but still, it does raise eyebrows. I have a nice last name with a beautiful meaning, but if I were to move to a country where it meant something scatalogical or obscene, you can bet I'd change it as soon as I could. I would not want those associations for me or my family.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 3:03 pm
amother wrote:
You mean Dr. Dina d!ck?
She lives in Morristown NJ works in KJ
I love her and didn't think about the meaning of her name. Her refined personality devotion and finesse are all that I see.


yes, she is an amazing person, and so is her husband. Her in laws are also really nice people. She has a lot of sons and I hope they never get teased. Sad
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amother
Copper


 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 3:17 pm
My cousin wanted to choose her own last name, so chose Baker literally because she likes baking
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 13 2018, 3:21 pm
I went to school with a boy who's last name was d!ck. His first name was Harold. What was his parents thinking? Confused

I had a friend with a lovely last name, who always knew that she wanted it hyphenated. Her name was French, and she actually turned down a guy who's last name was Fry.
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