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Carpool advice - getting kids in and out of the car

 
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amother




Cerulean


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 7:12 am
I am part of a large carpool and only drive twice a week but those two times are very draining. There are twin 8 yr old boys in the carpool, both are very sweet kids. The problem is that one of them dawdles and takes an extra ten (yes ten!) minutes to get into the car. The other is the opposite and wont get out!

I live in a smaller community so don't have any other carpool options. Due to my work schedule it would be very difficult to pull out of the carpool alltogether.

Their mother just had a baby so she can't always meet them at the door to escort the first one or to extract the second one so I have to find a way to do it myself.

I don't know how the other mothers in the carpool deal with the twins but don't know how to ask without running into LH issues.

Advice?
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sirel









  


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 7:17 am
Talk to the mother.

10 minutes to get into the car is unacceptable.

"Hi boys, good morning, jump into the car and let's go"
20 seconds for buckling in should be all it takes.
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monseymom25









  


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 7:23 am
Wondering why this would be LH? This sounds within the normal range of behavior for 8 year old boy. Meaning it's a problem and they have to learn how to do appropriately.
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amother




Seashell


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 8:05 am
I had a lot of trouble with my first carpool. There was one child who kept unbuckling and the others wouldn't listen to me once one became chutzpadik. I called my mom for advice and she told me to bring them into good behavior. So I went to the dollar store and bought cheap stickers and prizes. The next time I drove I announced that anyone who stayed buckled and behaved nicely would get a prize when we got to school. Worked like a charm! I've done the same thing a few times now when I start with new kids who don't know me or my rules. Eventually I phase out the prizes once they're no longer necessary.

Amother because I've discussed this many times IRL.
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shabbatiscoming









  


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 8:13 am
Tell the twin's mother. I mean, a 10 minute discrepancy is a bit over the top. Tell her that it is taking one of them a long time to get into the car (is it technical stuff? Like he cant buckle up? Or 10 minutes to leave the house after his twin?)
Also, are you dropping the children in front of their home? If so, I dont see why you cant just help them both unbuckle, make sure they are out of your car and on their sidewalk to their house and go to your next stop.
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amother




Cerulean


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 9:16 am
sirel - Their mother knows about the problem - what more can I say?

The first slowly emerges from the building and kratzes around in the yard. The second will not get out of my car at drop off and has to be physically pulled out by his mother if she can come to get him but it seems like it is a game, not like he's afraid to be home or anything.

shabbatiscoming - I think they are too young to be left on the sidewalk. I don't feel comfortable leaving unless I see them go into their house.
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FranticFrummie









  


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 9:33 am
I think "races" are in order. Whoever gets into the car first gets a sticker. Whoever gets out of the car first gets a sticker. Whoever gets the most stickers at the end of the month gets a small packet of nosh.

I feel so bad for the mother! Rowdy twins are a lot to handle when you have a new baby.
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animeme









  


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 9:36 am
I see no reason you can't talk to the other mothers in the carpool. Frame it purposefully; ask if they have this problem and how they deal with it. Maybe through incentives (need to talk to their mom on those). The getting out kid may benefit from sitting right by the door.

Did you carpool with them last year? Is this a recent problem?
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librarygirl









  


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 9:49 am
I know this is mean but it should not be your problem. I love the prize idea if you want to do it, but otherwise I would tell the mother that you're so sorry, but you're on a tight schedule and if he doesn't get in the car promptly you will have to drive off without him.
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Fabulous









  


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 10:02 am
librarygirl wrote:
I know this is mean but it should not be your problem. I love the prize idea if you want to do it, but otherwise I would tell the mother that you're so sorry, but you're on a tight schedule and if he doesn't get in the car promptly you will have to drive off without him.


Exactly. For such a big kid, it’s really the parents’ issue. Parenting. They should deal with it by motivating him or punishment or whatever works. It’s not your problem
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saw50st8









  


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 10:09 am
Why not ask the kid yourself? "Hey, I've noticed you take a long time getting into the car. Is there something that I can help with?"
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Ruchel









  


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 10:11 am
A child who doesn't manage is absolutely different. Heck, I send my kids 11 to 3 and have sent 2 year olds in carpool. At 8 they dealt. Little ones do need help buckling, my 6 year old helps his 4 year old sister etc. But if it's a behaviour PLEASE tell the mom.
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amother




Cerulean


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 12:31 pm
saw50st8 wrote:
Why not ask the kid yourself? "Hey, I've noticed you take a long time getting into the car. Is there something that I can help with?"


I like that idea.
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amother




Cerulean


Post  Fri, Sep 14 2018, 12:35 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
I think "races" are in order. Whoever gets into the car first gets a sticker. Whoever gets out of the car first gets a sticker. Whoever gets the most stickers at the end of the month gets a small packet of nosh.

I feel so bad for the mother! Rowdy twins are a lot to handle when you have a new baby.


Exactly, that's why I don't want to bother her by talking about it more. She knows it's an issue but has her hands full.

I like the suggestion of races. They would probably respond to that.
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