Just gave birth to baby with Downs

Coffee Addict

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 6:49 am

Mazel tov op! As others said, cut yourself some slack and take it easy. One step at a time. Allow yourself to grieve, and cry. You’re so strong, you’re just getting over the initial shock, you will pass this with flying colors!

I grew up with a disabled sibling. Not ds, a different kind of syndrome, a very rare one. He was lots of work but so pure, innocent, beautiful and was just a piece of joy. To this day, many years later, I feel a special zchus that I took lots of care for this special soul.

You will get through this! Reach out for support. Lots of naches and broches to your new little bundle of joy. Wishing you a smooth journey , health and happiness forever!

Hug

FranticFrummie

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 7:31 am

I just want to repeat what some other posters have said, because "liking" is not enough.

Everyone will tell you how adorable, sweet, loving, and a blessing your child is. And it's all true. It will also be challenging, frustrating, and sometimes scary.

Do NOT feel guilty if you are sad, angry at Hashem, confused, want to run away, or any other feelings you might have. ALL of your feelings are valid, and totally normal. You must give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling at the time, and don't let anyone try to tell you different.

One thing I can tell you, is that eventually your feelings will be less intense. With DD, we went through so many possible diagnoses. Autism? Williams Syndrome? Fragile X Syndrome? Borderline Personality Disorder? Each time, there is shock, grief, and acceptance. Still no definite diagnosis, but each time I am less stressed about it, and more open to the process.

amother

Seafoam

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 9:13 am

Thank you so much to everyone who replied. I truly value every response. They have been opening up my emotions and I’ve had a few good cries and no doubt will have some more. But as many of you say, this is a normal reaction and I have to let myself go through the stages. I’m also only a few hours post-birth so that in itself makes me super hormonal and weepy.

I may try and contact those of you who told me to reach out, when I’m ready.

Thank you all once again.

amother

Orchid

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 9:36 am

amother wrote:

Please, I need chizuk. I know it will be ok and this is the gift Hashem gave us but right now I’m alone in the hospital room with her, crying and trying to process this. I need your help and support.

Reaching out to us imas was the best thing to do to yourself!!! Speak to the pros that were recomended here. There are a lot of chalenges
until things become routine. Make sure you get food and human help from the volunteer organizations right away or family if you have a huge nice extended family. It does not matter "what others will think" now. I dont know names of organizations for food and people but people can post here. Find out the level of down syndrome. Some function quite well and some much less. Depending in a lot of factors of your family that only an experienced person who dealt with a lot of down sindromes can enlighten you and husband decide if you keep or will benefit to send to a family that adopts them. Monroe families (kiryat joel) adopt many many sweet DS and they are respected there and part of the daily community. There are frum schools government funded and fun programs on days off from school. These sweet kids are NOT shunned or maltreated cholila or hidden. Some families agree (in advance) that you can visit. Families get a lot of money from government to raise them. If you and husband decide to loan to such a family. For some rare people keeping caused major sholom bais problems...... Again only to a very few, as far I know. I'm personnaly blessed with a first cousin "Downy" as the chasidish people call lovingly these kids. He is a blessing to his family. We all love him. He lived all the time with my uncle and aunt. They have him home and manage. They had before him 2 kids and after him one. The rest are healthy. I can get phone number of the organization most involved in KJ from my friend who sent a child there. Its a chesed town and excelent niche there for Down Syndrome of all ages.
Im not sure, but I think there is a part of the Reym park where down syndrome are VIP there...I think like they go first on slides swings etc....not sure... maybe monroe people can confirm. Whatever you and husband will decide wheather keeping home or sending to someone we will support along.

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 9:38 am

amother wrote:

You’re amazing!!! Feel good!

amother

Ecru

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 9:51 am

amother wrote:

Reaching out to us imas was the best thing to do to yourself!!! Speak to the pros that were recomended here. Find out the level of down syndrome. Some function quite well and some much less. Depending in a lot of factors of your family that only an experienced person who dealt with a lot of down sindromes can enlighten you and husband decide if you keep or will benefit to send to a family that adopts them. Monroe families (kiryat joel) adopt many many sweet DS and they are respected there and part of the daily community. There are frum schools government funded and fun programs on days off from school. These sweet kids are NOT shunned or maltreated cholila or hidden. Some families agree (in advance) that you can visit. Families get a lot of money from government to raise them. If you and husband decide to loan to such a family. I can get phone number of the organization most involved. Its a chesed town and excelent niche there for Down Syndrome of all ages.
Im not sure, but I think there is a part of the Reym park where down syndrome are VIP there...I think like they go first on slides swings etc....not sure... maybe monroe people can confirm.

It is best if these babies stay with their families. Hashem gave her this child.
This is her beautiful baby.

amother

Orchid

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 10:01 am

amother wrote:

It is best if these babies stay with their families. Hashem gave her this child.

Well as you see I did not say better give or better keep. Its a dificult topic and I feel awful bad I even nentioned because its not something easy now. Besides for the Down birth your hormones are going back to prepregnancy levels so its another salad...I will finish off with what a mom did for purim. All kids were dressed up as different products and Down baby was dressed up a Downy softener and she proudly wrote something good aboutDowny, like Downy softens our heart or Downy is the best finishing touch to us...

amother

Ginger

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 10:15 am

Mazel tov op! My brother in law is downs syndrome. He is adorable. He is 24 now. Dh always says he was THE CUTEST baby they had. They used to love love love taking him out and showing him off as a baby.
My sister teaches special Ed and had mostly DS kids. She loves them. She once told me she would love to adopt a DS baby. (She isn't married so she didn't but would love to)

They are delicious lovable children. I am sure it is hard but it you and DH will have so much yiddeshe nachas from her.

Feel good and mazel tov.

amother

Orchid

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 12:04 pm

Call and talk longer with people who you know from past they were nice loving and respecting to you. Cut short visits of people who depress you, by being boring in front of them or too quiet. Twisted Evil

If it becomes really abusive say like you need to go sleep. Be prepared to all sorts of coments that might raise your hairs. I had a person talking very insensitive in a very hard situation I had. Bringing back what she heard from the street and asking about it. And I did not completely cut off but reduced drastically relationship with only one person - now my relationship with that one only person is much more superficial. I have to be comfortable that she does not have stuff to tell the whole town or says and asks things that make me uncomfortable . My tip from a shrink how to measure/judge was: if you talk to someone and as you talk or after you talk your heart races much more than when you talk to the rest, or other horrible feeling, then reduce the talks with that person to a minimum. (With the exception of inocent children or teens because they really dont know yet how to be sensitive). I have used this advice a lot in my life. Also recently a person asked what I do for birth control... she was allways the type that made my feelings awful after I hung up from her but after this I keep it even more superficcial.... I call her for her mazel tovs shana tova and other little things etc. Most calls are just a few minutes.

Last edited by amother on Fri, Sep 14 2018, 12:10 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Babyblue

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 12:20 pm

Mazal tov. I have two boy cousins with downs and a cousin with Smith's syndrome which is a deleted gene.
I just read a few articles about the topic. Most parents said that they wanted to be greeted and treated like any other birth like Mazal tov greetings etc. Vs avoidance or advice. When I was a 3rd grader a classmates mother gave birth to a down syndrome boy. The mother told everyone and told her kids to tell everyone -that their mother had a downs, so there won't be any stupid comments or uncomfortable questions.

My friend has a downs brother and she really loves him more than any other sibling.

Have a great shabbos and nachas from your baby!

amother

Babyblue

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 12:22 pm

amother wrote:

Mazel tov op! My brother in law is downstairs syndrome. He is adorable. He is 24 now. Dh always says he was THE CUTEST beat baby they had. They used to love love love taking him out and showing him off as a baby.
My sister teaches special Ed and had mostly DS kids. She loves them. She once told me she would love to adopt a DS baby. (She isn't married so he didn't but would love to)

They are delicious lovable children. I am sure it is hard but it you and DH will have so much yiddeshe nachas from her.

Feel good and mazel tov.

Correction...

Cheiny

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 2:03 pm

amother wrote:

I’m so sorry for your pain. But know that a big rabbi said that people born with disabilities have very high neshamas and he would stand up every time he was in the presence of a person with Down’s syndrome. Hashem knows you’re strong enough to handle this. Believe in yourself, make sure you have a strong support system, and you will do great! Do you have other children?