Disagreements over discipline methods.

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Post  Thu, Aug 11 2005, 1:45 pm
My husband and I do not agree about how to parent our children. in a nutshell he believes in being tough, you say something, they do it right away, or else time out. I believe in understanding the mood of the kid before asking. if you know he's cranky dont even bother asking, try to convince him to do it by getting him excited about it, etc. not just giving an order and expecting him to listen. b/c realistically can you expect a young child to obey an order right away? he's not a soilder!!
there is not a single day that passes that we dont argue about this. our arguments go in circles we both believe very strongly about our views and neither is willing to give in. (BTW this is the only topic where we disagree so strongly, everything else we are able to compromise or at least convince the other) I think we need a third person to advise us b/c we will never resolve this on our own.
any suggestions?
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Post  Thu, Aug 11 2005, 2:06 pm
amother wrote:
I think we need a third person to advise us b/c we will never resolve this on our own.

run that idea by your husband, and TOGETHER come up with who that third person should be.
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Post  Thu, Aug 11 2005, 2:15 pm
can you give me a reality check here? I know this will sound nerdy but who's right?
my husband will never agree to go to someone to ask for advice b/c he gets really embarrased about telling anyone about any aspect of our life that needs improvement.
he told me he'd rather just give up and not be invloved in discipline at all. if a kid is acting up he'll just leave me to handle it. but although it means we'd do things my way I dont feel its good either. b/c the kids will never listen to him b/c he has no method of getting them to do so.
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Post  Thu, Aug 11 2005, 6:25 pm
Why not combine your approaches as follows:

Yes, you can try to figure out whether it's a good time to make a request, but once you ask, stick to it and follow through without giving repeated warnings and counting ooooone, twwwwwwooooooo, thrrrrreeeeeee ....

And you can also discuss which statements your children should listen to immediately and without explanations and a song and dance on your part, and which orders need to be presented in a gentler way.

How old are your children - that makes a difference too!
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Post  Thu, Aug 11 2005, 6:35 pm
Why not combine your approaches as follows

8) Thats exactly what we do 8)
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Post  Thu, Aug 11 2005, 11:24 pm
I think a combination of the two would be just perfect.
dont expect too much from a cranky, tired, or hungry kid, but the usual scenario should be that the kids listen when theyre told something.
it calls for consistency and discipline, and at the same time creativity and imagination.
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Post  Fri, Aug 12 2005, 12:25 pm
From another amother : I had the same problem. The way I dealt with it was by taking over the discipline. It took a while, but when my husband saw that my way was working and it was more peaceful, he gradually started picking up some of these techniques. It is not perfect now, by any means. But I do see improvement. Also, do leave him alone with the kids sometimes, so he can experiment and see that his way just causes more tension.

Also, it is not so bad for parents to be on a different page in terms of discipline. I am sure that in most homes, one parent is the "nice" guy and one parent is the "not nice" guy. It is just that it is hard for the nice guy to see the kids getting yelled at drill seargant style.
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