S/O of a s/o What is the financial reality TRISTATE

SuperWify

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 5:51 pm

Really seriously wondering about this.

Here on Imamother everyone sounds very budgeted and every luxury has to be justified. (Take the recent finances thread.)

Real life:
I shop (very carefully) but everyone seems to be just pulling things off the shelves not even looking at the price. 3-4 $200+ shabbos outfits each new season, $100+ school and shabbos shoes, designer breifcases, matching accessories for each outfit, new shaitels every season, fancy takeout expensive meats flowers magazines desserts for shabbos, crazy simchos, full time cleaning help, weekly manicures, I could go on....

I’m not looking to judge- if you have the money enjoy it. By all means.

But I am wondering at the fact that most people can’t afford all this (at least it sounds like from here) and yet it seems like everyone has qualms about swiping their credit cards very often.

If you live in the tristate area- what is your financial reality and are you living within your means? Are you barely making it and keeping to a strict budget? Are you doing ok and splurging here and there? Are you barely making it but spending anyway?

amother

Gold

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 6:15 pm

I used to live in the tristate area so I'll respond based on then Wink

I never paid the prices for clothing, kids shoes, sheitals... quoted or even close to it. We did splurge for things like massage, therapy, food... I was able to be a SAHM but only had one tuition at the time. I have mental health issues and it costs money to treat. Credit card was paid off in full every month, one month we didn't and I questioned my dh about it. I trust him but was a little bit annoyed about it. We have inheritance from my side and he didn't want to ask me to pay it and knew that he would be able to pay it off the next month. It was fine but it never went more then just that one month. When my dh was single he lived paycheck to paycheck and was very on top of his budget, keeping track of how much he spent on gas...

We owned our own very nice home but it wasn't a mansion or anything. We paid for it with my inheritance and took out a mortgage that was realistic for us.

basically if you take my inheritance into account we lived below our means and were able to save and invest.

amother

Mint

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 6:18 pm

I live in Lakewood. I wonder about that as well. I imagine for the younger families, the grandparents probably foot the bill.
I have two children; I shop for them in carters and gap, and in the Jewish stores on sale after the season is over- I buy for the next year. For shabbos shoes, I either buy after the season, or I buy classic leather loafers for around $60. For weekday shoes, I buy sneakers or natives or on sale.

For myself... I recently got off instagram which makes me feel much better about myself. I was seeing everyone buy everything new each season... and I cannot afford that at all! I have three sheitel, worth $500, $700 and $1200. I have never had a sheitel cost more than $1200. I have glasses that cost $300 including the lenses; I chose the cheapest ones, which are classic and student-ish - I couldn't afford the trendy wire frames or clear frames.
I buy clothing for myself at lord and taylor on sale, nordstrom on sale, shoes from Nine West on sale (I need comfortable shoes). I don't buy much; I used to be considered very trendy and fashionable, but now that I'm married with children, I can't blow my paycheck on clothing! I only buy washable clothing because I can't afford to constantly send to the cleaners, and I only buy things that don't need alterations (or I wear it slightly big/ long, thinking I'll be pregnant eventually lol).
Now I'm not at all trendy but I do think I have style, my own style. I work with what I have.
I saw all those beautiful maxi dresses (so comfy and easy for Friday night!), those ribbed "sets", those plastic skirts,
Velvet skirts and dresses... each costing $100+, many not washable... I guess many people are doing well financially, or are not saving for the future, or put it on the credit card, or get help from their parents.
I feel much happier lately without instagram, because this way I don't feel left out. (I don't have time to shop in stores; I do most of my shopping online, so I don't see what's going on in the stores. And my neighborhood thankfully has a big mix of types and ages, so it's not like everyone is wearing x x x but me.)

amother

Honeydew

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 6:19 pm

My reality is dim. Husband is chronically unemployed. I'm the sole breadwinner but because job searching is a full time job I still pay an arm and a leg for childcare. We live in some way way below our means: smallest apartment possible, no takeout, no cleaning help, no manicures, no dry cleaners, no taxis, no disposables. Always buying ONLY on sale. Never in the Jewish (more expensive stores) Vacations are always all on points. And yet: my parents in their generosity give us roasts for yom tov and oh, yes, full use of their car (we can't afford one of our own but don't truly need one) And they pay for us to go away for Pesach. So while we live within our means and think about the cost of things constantly, we are also very lucky (which makes me feel like a fraud most of the time)

It's complicated.

amother

Copper

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 6:56 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Here on Imamother everyone sounds very budgeted and every luxury has to be justified. (Take the recent finances thread.)

Real life:
I shop (very carefully) but everyone seems to be just pulling things off the shelves not even looking at the price. 3-4 $200+ shabbos outfits each new season, $100+ school and shabbos shoes, designer breifcases, matching accessories for each outfit, new shaitels every season, fancy takeout expensive meats flowers magazines desserts for shabbos, crazy simchos, full time cleaning help, weekly manicures, I could go on....

I’m not looking to judge- if you have the money enjoy it. By all means.

But I am wondering at the fact that most people can’t afford all this (at least it sounds like from here) and yet it seems like everyone has qualms about swiping their credit cards very often.

Those who have plenty of money to spend, are out there spending it. They've got no time for imamother Wink

The ones who are frugal, or more careful, have more time to be here cuz we're not so busy pulling boxes of shoes off the shelves, etc.

GreenEyes26

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 9:16 pm

The answer is that this website skews very young, very yeshivish, and very poor. Hence all the threads with (I think) insane levels of everyone trying to underspend everyone else. They’re either too young too have earning potential, or too frum to ever have high-earning jobs, especially with so many tuitions.

If the demographics of this site skewed even a decade older and/or less yeshivish, the threads would reflect a very different reality.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 9:28 pm

GreenEyes26 wrote:

This website definitley skews very young. While it’s definitley has a very small MO presence I would think it’s more middle of the road yeshivish / jpf. The super yeshivish don’t neccessarily have internet access. I think on this site it’s almost the in thing to not have money and complain about financial problems. People who are living fine day to day don’t post about it! The same holds true with all the Shalom Bayis threads. I imagine/hope that most ppl are happily married yet being happily married doesn’t provide any interesting posts. Baruch HaShem for my boring life!

little neshamala

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 10:01 pm

I live in monsey. I live extremely frugally, and BH was able to buy a house without any help because of it (our incomes arent large).
I gladly accept hand me downs for my kids, no cleaning lady, very rarely buy myself clothing...we do go out to eat and splurge on small things but its not big expenses.

But I do see a lot of people spending a lot of money on fancy kids outfits, manicures, shaitels etc. I think theyre mostly not going to respond here.

From the people I know who spend that way (young with small kids), a few have husbands making really nice money, a few have INSANE $ help from wealthy parents, and I know of others who spend beyond their means. I know a young couple (in their twenties) who have nice incomes but got into 30k credit card debt because of spending on crazy extras like really fancy clothing. Thats how they explained it and it made sense-they had more than enough income to support a simple lifestyle but they felt the pressure...so you really never know

I just wish we could have the "basic lifestyle" side plastered all over town and in all the local circulars too, to kinda balance it out and take some pressure off...but all the clothing and shoe stores advertisements and even tableware etc etc are all advertising the high end lifestyle

amother

Beige

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 10:06 pm

I think I can afford it. But I can’t bring myself to spend the money. I love saving. It is so exciting to have bought 7 gorgeous shabbos dresses for my girls for $150.
Instead we save and invest a lot. My kids all have saving funds and wedding funds and DH and I have 401ks and some mall investments. If not for those I’d have a lot more to spend.
I don’t get the spending on homes. As much as DH and I make even with no savings such a large mortgage would really stretch us.

thunderstorm

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 10:12 pm

little neshamala wrote:

I live exactly the same way as little neshamala described. In reality we earn a nice income. But as children get older the tuitions get higher and the expenses increase for the bare basics. Also, health insurance premiums have skyrocketed over the years and just the simple stuff eats away at a decent income. Fifteen years ago I would have felt rich earning the income I do. But now we get to spend less than the lower class.
I do see many people spending beyond their means , taking out loan after loan to pay for it all.
The last sheitel I purchased was when President Bush issued refunds when the stimulus package was passed. That unexpected check covered two sheitels. But it's been years and I'm getting to the point of desperation.
Some people will choose to eat pasta six days a week so that they could afford a new wig. I would rather eat well during the week than purchase a new wig. So I think it also has to do with HOW we prefer to spend the money we have.

thunderstorm

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 10:14 pm

amother wrote:

Where I live , having a mortgage is cheaper than renting a home of the same size.

thunderstorm

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 10:25 pm

amother wrote:

until the roof needs replacing, and the heat conks out

We have still found that we come out better this way. Our accountant advised us to do this. Since we were paying a ton of income tax when we were renting because of the bracket we were in. Once we purchased a home , we no longer had to pay taxes at the end of the year and actually receive a tax return which we weren't receiving before. So that refund we receive actually gets put back into the home (such as installing central air etc) and eventually we hope the upgrades increase the equity of our home. In just two years after we purchased our home was appraised for $150k more than when we purchased it.

amother

Scarlet

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 10:32 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

okay. will you still be itemizing post tax reform? (just curious).

what you said is well thought out. In my life I've met people who purchased rather than rented because their monthly payments were lower, only to find themselves unable up to keep up with maintenance items they wouldn't otherwise have. Happy to read this isn't your reality.