S/O of a s/o What is the financial reality TRISTATE

SuperWify

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 7:55 am

amother wrote:

I know you're all waiting to hear from someone who can't afford to keep up with the Cohen's yet does. So hi.

I grew up in Monsey and my mother took me to the sale racks in New Square plus hand me downs from my cousin who was many sizes larger than me. She didn't take care of my terrible acne or help me get makeup as an older teen.

As you can imagine there was much more emotional abuse than what I just described. That was just the tip of the ice berg.

So now that I'm married I treat myself so that I can look in the mirror and walk outside and feeel okay. I buy a lot at the frum site's end of season sales so most of my clothing is frum but last years. I. I notice what people wear and follow lots of Instagram accounts so I only buy more classic or less common stuff from last year so I don't scream last years style. We don't have much money.

We live paycheck to paycheck without support unless you want to count the occasional time my parents will buy the kids clothing/toys and my in laws give us junk from dollar store.

We have about $10k in savings and dipped into it for Yom Tov and back to school spending.

Iy"H we will rebuild the savings as DH runs a business and always earns different amounts each month and we just davened well! Yes I know that Imamothers and Dave Ramsey will say I'm foolish for spending on clothes, cleaning help. But they don't have to wake up with my burdens and history and pain - so there!!!!!

Thank you for being so brave to share your story.

Good for you for doing what’s right did you even if people think it’s financially irresponsible.

Hugs on your childhood- I hope you can move fully in from there (it does sound like your in the right direction!)

amother

Lime

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 8:54 am

TwinsMommy wrote:

If the sale racks in new square and hand me downs are considered emotional abuse I wonder what my situation was called? Different colored turtlenecks. Had to wear a turtleneck every day. No complaints allowed. I cut my own hair in 7th grade and got a nice beating. I ended up not caring at all about clothing. As an adult most of my clothing is hand me downs. If it fits I wear it. I can't stand shopping.

Did someone really say that sales racks and hand me downs are emotional abuse?

amother

Salmon

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 9:19 am

amother wrote:

Lucky you. I also grew up in Monsey, and we once went to the New Square sales. We didn't buy anything - my mother said they were too expensive. So I continued to wear hand-me-downs from my sister - she's 4 years older than me and not at all my body type. And where do you think she got her clothes from? My mother used to sort clothes for a G'mach, and occasionally there were clothes that were suitable....or that she decided were suitable.

Like you, I'm on a tight budget, but I make a big effort to get my kids decent clothes. I shop ahead, buy things on sale, but do my best to put them together nicely. And even so, I end up spending more than I can afford Sad

.

Ditto for myself....I do my best. We look put together but not fancy.

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 9:43 am

I used to live in tri state until a year ago. It's important to me that my kids look cute and presentable and that I look decent. I still have the same Sheital from when I got married 8 years ago, but I take care of it and it looks great. We vacation regularly but also figured out how to maximize points, miles etc to do it. Plus my husband is very into learning how to maximize loyalty programs. We go out to eat regularly, and as long as my purchases stay within a certain monthly limit, my husband lets me splurge however I want. But we are very careful to stay within our financial limits. I think a lot of folks think we spend more than we do, but I find a lot of folks spend more than we do because they're coming out of pocket for everything. But I don't apologize for living a certain lifestyle. It's how I was raised. I don't buy the trendiest most expensive clothes, but I shop sales and the more discount frum stores and find that I still get lots of compliments on My kids clothes. I keep current by buying more classic stuff and splurging on trendy hair accessories and socks. Granted we can afford it and I don't have many kids. I struggle with infertility so have a small family and don't have the bracha of 5 plus tuitions and shopping for so many. I think the biggest issue is that people are living lifestyles they can't afford. I don't feel obligated to not buy nice things I can afford, but I don't buy luxuries I can't.

ShishKabob

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 11:39 am

I don't think getting hand me downs is emotional abuse. Sometimes, the 'mother' is not so geshikt and can't manage to make the child look good. Some people buy all their stuff in whoopi however the kids look 'shluchy' no matter what.
I got hand me downs all the time. We always looked put together.
My kids get loads of hand me downs and since it comes from a very well dressed family, they look very well dressed. I sometimes have to alter the length or width but it looks very very good.