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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances
S/O of a s/o What is the financial reality TRISTATE
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 9:28 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
WADR, you are being supported in the money sense. Your family uses money to pay for your car insurance. They use money to pay for your health insurance. They use money to pay for whatever it is that you buy in the department store. Add it up. Its likely at least $700 a month, or $8400 a year. Maybe more. That's a lot of money.

Please give them the credit that they deserve.


In which universe is health insurance less than $700 a month?
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 9:29 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
WADR, you are being supported in the money sense. Your family uses money to pay for your car insurance. They use money to pay for your health insurance. They use money to pay for whatever it is that you buy in the department store. Add it up. Its likely at least $700 a month, or $8400 a year. Maybe more. That's a lot of money.

Please give them the credit that they deserve.


Oh dont worry I totally do - we thank everyone quite often!

I just meant to say that we arent getting a check or cash every month like my relatives in Lakewood. Therefore I don't choose where my money goes (hence the lack of food). I was saying we get more "stuff". But you are correct stuff has a money value.

Until I finish college and I could start working full time we will probably live like this. What we get are all truly matanos and we definitely know that.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 9:33 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
In which universe is health insurance less than $700 a month?

If they are on food stamps, they are on medicaid.
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 9:33 pm
amother wrote:
I sincerely don't mean to give you a hard time but it's not that far fetched to suggest that your in laws in a way are paying for your car. If you would not be able to support your family without gezunte help from them each month, then their support is helping you with everything. This includes the money you set aside each month to save. If You are relying on the in laws support without which you wouldn't be able to set aside money, then they really have a chailek in the money being set aside.


I'm sorry if this is a pet peeve of mine. It bothers me that young families don't give the credit that their in laws deserve. My favorite was I saw on this site someone said she doesn't receive any money from her parents. She did concede that they pay half of her 5 tuitions directly to the yeshiva. In her mind since she never saw the actual cash she didn't feel like they were really giving her money. Again, there Is nothing wrong with generous parents helping. We took money for years from my parents. But we all need to give the credit they are due.


I think you are totally misunderstanding me. I have tremendous hakaras Hatov to my FIL. If not for him DH would not be able to learn. Simple as that.

All that being said id much rather DH go out and make his own money. But...
He wants to learn.
His dad wants to shep. (He supports many of his siblings that learn but none of his children besides DH are in kollel. DH is a real source of pride to him.)
Great so dad agreed to give us x amount each month so DH can learn instead of joining in the family business.
DH is happy. Dad is happy. I’m ok with it. (I believe men should man up and go do what G-d cursed Adam to do after his sin. Us woman take our curse very seriously and sometimes the curse of Man as well.)
Our bills are (mostly) paid on time. DH doesn’t pressure me to go make more money. And I look at the money dad is giving us as dh’s part. (And before I get stoned, yes it’s from his generous dad and I gratefully acknowledge that.)

And the word gezunt is a bit condescending because you have no idea what I get in terms of support or how much or little his father can afford to give.

(And as for the money we are saving- it’s a whole separate shmooze but I will say it’s not coming out of anyone’s chesbon as it’s not $ I can use now but I won’t get into that in a public forum. )

Whatever. It’s not worth arguing. I can scream from the hilltops a hundred times but for some unfathomable reason the culture here (and some people IRL) is that those that get support are immature, spoiled, bratty and ungrateful.

Just because I get support does not means there are no strings attached, does not mean we aren’t struggling, does not mean I’m spoiled because I can’t sit in an office all day because I work part time instead, and most importantly, does not mean I’m happy about taking from others!!!!

I rest my case.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 9:35 pm
amother wrote:
If they are on food stamps, they are on medicaid.


Ture but because we are both under 26 we are still on our family's health insurances. We also are on medicaid.
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amother
Rose


 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 10:25 pm
Hi, I live in the Tri state area. And yes my son is dressed in the expensive clothing sold in the local stores as my mother in law chooses to spend her money on that.

My husband and I both work and we make it through the month. Expensive restaurants is something we do from time to time to spend some couple time. We look at it as a worthy expense. I do afford myself a mani/ pedi quite often as I need it to unwind from my full time job and running after a little toddler.

So to answer the question, we both work in order to afford those little luxuries. And regarding the clothing it is bought for me and I’m definitely not spendiNg my hard earned money on it.
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 10:29 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
In which universe is health insurance less than $700 a month?


Rare but I actually don't pay anything towards my insurance. (My salary is low but my benefits are great)
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 10:57 pm
pesek zman wrote:
Rare but I actually don't pay anything towards my insurance. (My salary is low but my benefits are great)


I understand that many people don't pay for their insurance, or only pay partially, as it's often a perk of the job. My point, however, was that health insurance does have a dollar value, even if you yourself are not paying for it.

In your case, you are getting insurance as a perk of your job. But you can estimate the value of this benefit by evaluating how much it would cost to replace it. Generally, those who pay their own insurance and are not being subsidized can be paying well over a thousand (or two) a month for a family plan.

In amothers case, someone is paying for her insurance, whether it's her parents or the government. That's all I meant.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 12:00 am
amother wrote:
lawngreen-off topic but which tzedakahs do you give to? Always looking...

Looking to give to a cause or for assistance?
If looking to give I would definitely appreciate your help supporting these causes.
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 1:15 am
OP, you see what you want to see.

If you hang out with people who are obsessed with styles and trendy clothing, and you shop in the expensive, frum stores, you'll see people spending like crazy.

But if you would have been tagging along with me (and hundreds of others) these last few weeks you'd see us buying $18 gorgeous brand new shabbos shoes at the west gate shoe gemach, $11 shirts and $30 dresses at fashion wholesalers, and $20 dresses at tottini. And that's besides for Ali's and Target and H&M.

My point is that just because you might frequent those stores or your friends are like that doesn't mean that everyone is on a buying binge and doesn't care abt $$.

There are all kinds of shoppers in the tri state area...
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 8:40 am
amother wrote:
OP, you see what you want to see.

If you hang out with people who are obsessed with styles and trendy clothing, and you shop in the expensive, frum stores, you'll see people spending like crazy.

But if you would have been tagging along with me (and hundreds of others) these last few weeks you'd see us buying $18 gorgeous brand new shabbos shoes at the west gate shoe gemach, $11 shirts and $30 dresses at fashion wholesalers, and $20 dresses at tottini. And that's besides for Ali's and Target and H&M.

My point is that just because you might frequent those stores or your friends are like that doesn't mean that everyone is on a buying binge and doesn't care abt $$.

There are all kinds of shoppers in the tri state area...


Darling, I DO frequent Tottini, fashion wholesalers, Ali, Target and H&M so I’m not sure what’s your point is?

And buying 5 pairs of $20 pjs for your kids from tottini and fashion wholesalers adds up a lot!
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 9:25 am
I do fairly well for myself. That being said, I selectively splurge lol. On clothes? Nope. I’m fine in a $10 shirt. But on electronics? Yes, I admit I go a bit crazy. But I have a teen going to college next year so my splurging will be decreasing very soon.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 9:39 am
lawngreen- to give...
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 1:33 pm
.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 1:43 pm
amother wrote:
lawngreen- to give...
amazing!! Would love to connect I made an email address for you so can be anonymous/will not know screen name
I can share more after you email

Tizku lmitzvos!!!
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amother
Gold


 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 1:48 pm
is there a reason why you don't want to post which tzedakahs you give here?
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 2:02 pm
Glad you got the explanation
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 2:32 pm
SuperWify wrote:
Darling, I DO frequent Tottini, fashion wholesalers, Ali, Target and H&M so I’m not sure what’s your point is?

And buying 5 pairs of $20 pjs for your kids from tottini and fashion wholesalers adds up a lot!


But that's not what you said in your OP. You said you see everyone spending a ton. So either you're in those stores or your friends are...

And I'd never drop $20 on a pair of pjs! Tottini is only cheap for "Jewish" clothing like shab robes and tznius skirts. Why would I get pjs from a Jewish store (even a cheap one) if I can get adorable ones from Carters for $5-$8?
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amother
Gold


 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 3:52 pm
lawngreen- I saw your response, that does clarify things thank you. I copied and pasted your e-mail address so you can take it down if you want. I'll be honest and say that I doubt my dh will agree to give. He likes to give to either people he himself knows personally or to established organizations. He is weary of giving to people over the internet. I didn't realize you weren't referring to known organizations though looking back I realize that there was no reason I should have made that assumption. In any event- Titzku lamitzvot!
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 4:01 pm
amother wrote:
But that's not what you said in your OP. You said you see everyone spending a ton. So either you're in those stores or your friends are...

And I'd never drop $20 on a pair of pjs! Tottini is only cheap for "Jewish" clothing like shab robes and tznius skirts. Why would I get pjs from a Jewish store (even a cheap one) if I can get adorable ones from Carters for $5-$8?


In my op and subsequent posts I explained that I shop very carefully (like in the stores you mentioned and online) but I do occasionally (once a year) splurge on a good quality expensive outfit. When I am in such stores the people I see seem to buying without thought.

Anyway Kol Hakavod to you for not keeping up with the Schwartz’s.
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