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-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
amother
Amber
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Sun, Sep 16 2018, 8:09 am
He is 8. He asks me to touch him in his private places. Today he asked my 2 year old. He knows it's wrong-not tznius. I'm at a loss. He is on the spectrum, I have discipline issues with him. He is very sensory.
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amother
Navy
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Sun, Sep 16 2018, 8:17 am
Have you asked his therapists? Assuming he gets therapy as he is on the spectrum as u mentioned.
Just off the top of my head, for you - I think you need to desensitize yourself to his request. Its not s-xual so try to reduce your discomfort.
I think you should figure out what else gives him comfort and feels good and offer it instead when he seems to want that comforting touch. Like does he have a lovey? a stuffed animal or baby blanket? I really think for him its just that he has realized this is something that feels good and totally doesn't get the connotations. So just re-direct without the discomfort and emotion.
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amother
Amber
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Sun, Sep 16 2018, 8:27 am
No therapist at the moment. I can't redirect at age 8...I think at this point it is possibly a way to get attention cuz only does it when I am around. ..he looks at my reaction. I do get scared because I'm terrified that someone will molest him or that he will molest my 2 year old. I think what you're saying is that I should calm down and not be so scared and kind of ignore it. ..?
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imasinger
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Sun, Sep 16 2018, 9:20 am
I don't think you should ignore it. Don't freak out, because that could exacerbate his behavior, but do act quickly to get the right help.
How is it that you have an ASD kid without a therapist or 2 or 3 or 5?! At this age, he should be getting OT, speech therapy, and ABA. Maybe social skills group, too. It will make a huge difference in his future.
An OT should be able to help you address sensory seeking behavior. For now, try deep massage, swings, lifting things like grocery bags, etc. Or roll him up in a blanket and squish him, if he enjoys that. Chewing gum is good too.
I think by age 8, if you have concerns he will touch his brother or someone else inappropriately, you should be teaching him in stronger language than "not tznius." A therapist (ABA or SW or psychologist) can help you find the best way to get it across. He needs to know it's never, ever OK for a kid to touch someone else's private areas.
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amother
Pearl
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Sun, Sep 16 2018, 10:55 am
Hugs, OP! There's so much more than meets the eye here. Just from reading your post, though, it's clear that you love your son and that you're raising him with care.
My only advice might be to switch around your tactics: instead of telling him it's forbidden, can you say where he can do it, and how?
Something like "that's a place where only you can touch, and only in private, such as in the bathroom or in bed." Then usher him to bathroom and leave him to manage his business.
He's going to want touch there. All boys, and most girls, figure out pretty quickly that it feels good to touch down there. Unless I'm inferring incorrectly, I don't think your DS is going to stop just because you say is forbidden. Most children just touch themselves secretly when they're told it's "not tsanua." Your son is honest and open, and is going to need you (or DH) to spell out practical rules he can follow.
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