Vent - preteen boy!

amother

Mint

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 3:47 pm

Have a 10 yr old boy. He has the sweetest heart and is such a caring & loving person.

But now dealing with the preteen moodiness! Ahh! He a good kid at school and with others. Just a brat at home with me and my husband. We’re strict parents (he has age appropriate chores, VERY limited TV/iPad/computer usage, but allowed plenty of free time for reading/play time AFTER chores and homework are done). We’re now on hr 5 on his current tantrum. All I asked him to do was help sweep the kitchen and put away some silverware from the dishwasher (regular standard daily chores). Instead it’s complete and utter drama. So I’ve been making him do MORE chores for all the complaining and rude comments. And we’re having friends over for pizza dinner and since the drama/whining still won’t stop after I have now taken away pizza for dinner. (My son LOVES my homemade pizza and he’s so upset I’m taking it away from him).

I hate being a “mean mommy”! But I’m going to make sure I raise responsible, respectful human beings. It’s just emotionally draining at times being a parent and having to be strict to make our kids behave. Ok rant over! Thanks for listening to my vent!

crust

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 4:09 pm

amother wrote:

I am sure you know what's best for your child.
Is this the first time that he tests the boundaries?

I am not trying to second guess you and I say this with all due respect to you; I have seen responsible respectful adults human beings that were not raised with this level of a power struggle. It is not necessarily the way to raise a responsible human being.

(I know you call it a tantrum but anytime the person in the higher position keeps on adding to the consequences, it is rather a power struggle than a regular tantrum.)

amother

Indigo

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 4:09 pm

I have a 10 year old and it seems normal behavior. If he is generally a good boy and helps out, I think you are over reacting in the punishment department.

teachkids

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 4:40 pm

Sometimes it’s worth temporarily dropping a battle. “I hear that you really don’t want to take out the garbage tonight. Go take 10 minutes in your room to calm down and then we can discuss it and we can see if we can switch the chores around/find a substitute/trade with a sibling”

oneofakind

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 5:47 pm

I would have him pick chores ahead of time so he knows himself what to do and doesn't feel "ordered around". If you keep adding to the punishments because he is "tantruming" and he only tantrums more, when will you stop? When he's down to bread and water and locked in his room forever? You are now in a power struggle. The only way to end it is to have a civilized, open conversation and allow him to verbalize his feelings. You empathize, not argue, and collaboratively think of solutions.

You will then have a cooperative, happy, confident son.

enjoying kids

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 8:13 pm

What about working with positive reinforcement as opposed to consequences?

enjoying kids

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 8:14 pm

What if you play deaf to the kvetching, don't add to the drama, and just wait and stay calm and firm and not unlock the ipad until chores are done?

OutATowner

Sun, Sep 16 2018, 8:49 pm

I find that my tired or hungry preteen is waaaaay harder to deal with that same child as a tired or hungry toddler. I sometimes have to stop myself mid lower struggles to focus on those.
Lots of hugs!! You said it pretty accurately- it's draining!