Why is holding back so popular?

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 6:32 pm

I have a son with a later in the year birthday. He is the youngest in his class. He just started kindergarten and will be turning 5 soon. There are kids in his class who will be turning 6 around the time he's turning 5. He did very well in pre k last year and we saw no reason he couldn't start K this year. He seems to be doing well so far. I've gotten a lot of comments from people who are really surprised I started him in K given his birthday. Apparently everyone holds their boys back these days if they have a late birthday (it seems to be less so with girls).

Also, when I called the Morah that his birthday was coming up and I wanted to make a party in class, she was really surprised to find out he's turning 5. She had assumed he was turning 6 because of when his birthday is, but then said it "explains a lot". I asked if that meant he was struggling and she said no, he's doing fine, but that he just seemed developmentally closer to 5 than to 6- which is of course exactly where he should be, because he's almost 5! So all's well that ends well, but he just went through his first weeks of school being assumed to be older than he is and the expectations that come along with that because apparently it's assumed these days that if your birthday falls later, you start K when you're already about to turn 6. Am I really so alone in this? He's bright, has excellent social skills, did great in pre k and is keeping up with the class this year. When did this holding back become a thing?

nylon

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 7:22 pm

I don't think that's always it because my child's kindy was not that crazy, but holding back (redshirting) is an issue where I live.

It started because of research saying the best performers are the oldest ones in the class and the youngest lagged behind. Now because other people do it, people feel pressured to or their kid is going to have kids 15 months older in the class. When they move up the cutoff (most places are Sept. 1 now, except NYS public schools) then the summer kids start being held back. It gets crazy. Someone's always going to be youngest in the cohort.

What does happen is that as the kids in the class get older, the teachers can start pitching the class higher, because more and more kids come in ahead. So the younger kids get left further behind.

I'm a July birthday and it's crazy to me that in a lot of places I'd be held back a year now. (I was in NYS with a Dec. 1 birthday so I was firmly in the middle of my class).

And in middle class areas people just hold the kids back instead of making kindy developmentally appropriate. Poorer families can't afford another year so their kids have to go on time.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 7:52 pm

nylon wrote:

Yeah, that's what I'm worried about, that he's fine with being in this grade (even with the more intense academics) but because there are so many 6 year olds in the class, that's who he's measured against. Like I said, his teacher thought he was a year behind developmentally because she thought he's almost 6, when really, he's exactly where he should be! But he's still doing well and keeping up, so I highly doubt they'll recommend he repeat, though of course it's early on, so we'll see..

amother

Gray

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:04 pm

amother wrote:

It's become a thing for numerous reasons. Among them are:

1 - The schedule gets very heavy for the boys once they're a bit older. They have English late in the day, and it sets up for a very long day for them. It's easier for them to adapt to it, when they're a bit older.

2 - Some of the younger children in a class do start off their early schools years keeping up with their peers, but sometimes their development stalls for a period of time and that's when their younger age contributes to their struggles. It can be socially, cognitively or physically, but developmental stages don't always progress in complete sync. Some kids develop sooner, then slow down, only to catch up later. Others start slow and zoom ahead, etc. Every child is different, so one doesn't really know where their child will be at during the rest of the formative years. In that sense, there is less of a risk of issues with a child who is of equal age with the others.

3 - A child that is older often has an advantage over a younger one in a class. He may pick up the learning quicker and have a better understanding to it, and that leads to a better self-esteem and confidence. That often carries over to the rest of the school years.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:18 pm

I had same issue I always learnt and it makes sense logically to me that boys it’s better to be the oldest and girls it’s better for them to be the youngest (if you have the end of year or beginning of year birthday issue). I think it’s more for as they get older when they hit puberty for boys it might be harder for them to be last to mature if they are weaker , Shorter etc... (which could be the case regardless of the age). For girls it’s the same thing about puberty and maturity but it’s better for them to not be the first to mature in regards to fitting in. Again this is not usually in our control but if a kids birthday makes them in the category where they can be the oldest or youngest this is what I was told in regards to boys and girls.

amother

Yellow

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:22 pm

I have two November kids (one boy, one girl) in a place where holding back is popular. I didn't hold back either one. My DS is in 5th grade now and doing fabulously academically, he's tall for his age, has some social issues that he would have had even if he'd been held back. DD is in Pre-1, doing great academically and socially. Both are very bright and would have been bored had I held them back. Their teachers agreed. You have to know your child, and it sounds like yours is doing fine! I do find it interesting that DS will have boys in his class celebrating their bar mitzvahs when he's still 11, but that's just the way it goes...

amother

Gray

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:22 pm

amother wrote:

I dunno. This sounds a bit off to me, to arrange your kids school years based on puberty. To me, developmental age, social & cognitive skills and personal capabilities should be what's considered most.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:27 pm

amother wrote:

Why would you want him to stand out as developmentally behind in the class? He may be ok for his age, but if the majority of the students are not holding where he is, I would be concerned for him as he continues through school. Usually, these differences become greater in many areas, (although kids tend to overcompensate in other areas to "catch up".)

What would be the harm in putting him back a grade? As a preschool teacher, I am truly curious to know why parents would rather push ahead than to hold back

amother

Yellow

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:38 pm

amother wrote:

It's not pushing ahead. It's keeping them where they belong. Somebody has to be the youngest! If everyone holds back their November/December kids, then the September/October kids will be developmentally younger than the others. Where does it end?

As I see it, there's no reason to hold them back if they can perform at the expected grade level.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 9:05 pm

It's like amother yellow said, somebody needs to be the youngest! Before this became a thing, the oldest kid in the class was always going to be nearly a year older than the youngest. Now, you have kids like mine who stay with the correct year and also "redshirted" kids in the same class so you can have a 16 month age span in the class. Which is a huge difference at this age! And my son is NOT developmentally behind most of the class. He's behind the 5 or 6 boys who will be turning 6 between now and December. Plenty of other boys in the class turned 5 over the summer and he's totally on par with those kids. The teacher just thought he was behind because she was comparing him to the kid who's turning 6 in 2 weeks and not the kid who turned 5 just 3 weeks ago. Which, again, you are always going to have that sort of span in every class, unless we start dividing grades by 6 month increments.

My son already knows his alef beis and alphabet and can read simple words in both Hebrew and English. Keeping him in prek would have him bored silly, which would just lead to behavior problems. And I don't see why he's any more likely to fall behind in later years than anyone else. Anyone can hit an academic or social rough patch regardless of when their birthday is. I have nothing against holding back if the kid seems to need it, but it's the way it's become the default that bothers me.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 9:22 pm

amother wrote:

I've seen holding back as either a wonderful thing for a struggling child or the absolute worst thing for a bright child that parents decided just to hold back without any specific reasons. Children that are up to par with their peers that are held back just because of a late bday usually have no patience for their immature peers and/or bored in class when they catch on quicker. I'm saying this as a preschool morah

The thing with bright children is that even if their pushed ahead this would be an issue. The only right way to push ahead a bright child is if the child is also socially and emotionally advanced .