Why is holding back so popular?

TwinsMommy

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 9:23 pm

I just opened my first college interview invitation for my 6th grader. Educators have their opinions but parents know best. I know darn well that sending him for a pre college interview at age 11 is INSANE so this is junk mail. You know darn well that your kid is ready for kindergarten so everyone's opinions is just... junk mail. Smile

Hatzlacha to your boy!

Queen6

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 9:37 pm

There is no basis for this..
Are there children that need abd benefit from it? Of course but most parents do it since they think it will make their child the head of the class. Chances are it won’t your child’s personality is not changing. Plus a child who is up and about usually ends up becoming the bully, class clown, or has no place socially....
Stick with the dates.

thunderstorm

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 9:57 pm

amother wrote:

When I wanted to push my brilliant kid ahead, I was told no because the social development is more important than the academics. The principal said, "No one ever got damaged by being the oldest, the smartest, and the greatest, but kids do get damaged by being the youngest, or not totally with it.

In hindsight, it was the best decision for my child.

I agree with your principal. My oldest was the youngest and I wanted him to repeat kindergarten for a second year. His principal said it wasn't necessary , that he did well academically and also he was the tallest in the class. He said repeating him would make him awkward being so much taller. Well guess what?! He was always the tallest! And he was not socially on the same level. He struggled socially all his elementary school years .
When I put him into highschool he was again the youngest . That highschool year was not ideal. I switched him to a different highschool. He repeated 9th grade. It was the first time he was with peers his age. He blossomed and finally began having a healthy and happy social life. And by the way, even though he was a ninth grader he was still the tallest boy in the entire highschool.
After his experience I always had my sons be from the older kids in the class and they definitely had it easier in terms of social and developmental growth etc.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 10:07 pm

amother wrote:

The thing with bright children is that even if their pushed ahead this would be an issue. The only right way to push ahead a bright child is if the child is also socially and emotionally advanced .

Except I was not talking about pushing ahead a bright child. I was talking about the bright child that parents decided to leave back just because of bday

mha3484

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 10:12 pm

My son’s yeshiva is very makpid on the deadline. My oldest is two weeks after the cutoff and pushing him ahead would have been bad for so many reasons. I am very happy he’s the oldest instead of the youngest.

My next two kids are with three and one weeks of the cutoff and the .school does reccomend keeping them back. I think for a boy to be the absolute youngest in the class rarely works out well.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Sep 18 2018, 8:19 am

I think the study this is based on is to do with sports, not academics. The older kids in the class get picked for the team, get more attention etc.

This is a big issue where I live. you can start school here the september after you turn 4 but more and more schools are pushing that deadline to earlier in the year. My kids school just changed the deadline from august to april. My son has a may birthday so if he would be starting school now he would have had to stay in preschool for another year. He was bored out of his mind in preschool and is thriving both academically and socially in school. A few of the other kids in his class also have summer birthdays.

amother

Salmon

Tue, Sep 18 2018, 8:34 am

I had this problem with my daughter. She was doing beautifully academically and had all the skills she needed to have. But she was born a few days before the "cut off" and a whole bunch of girls in her class were "held back". This made her the youngest by FAR. A few girls were more than a year and a half older than her. This caused her to have social problems because of course a 5 year old isnt as mature as an almost 7 year old!

After much discussion with the school we ended up having her repeat 1st GRADE!
She knew is wasn't for academic reasons but so she could be "the same age" as the girls in her class. She was bored a bit in first grade the second time but the teachers gave her advanced work to challenge her and she got to read chapter books by herself while they were doing "Run Spot Run" type of books lol

Now she fits right in socially. And she isnt even the oldest in the class!

Chayalle

Tue, Sep 18 2018, 8:40 am

amother wrote:

I had same issue I always learnt and it makes sense logically to me that boys it’s better to be the oldest and girls it’s better for them to be the youngest (if you have the end of year or beginning of year birthday issue). I think it’s more for as they get older when they hit puberty for boys it might be harder for them to be last to mature if they are weaker , Shorter etc... (which could be the case regardless of the age). For girls it’s the same thing about puberty and maturity but it’s better for them to not be the first to mature in regards to fitting in. Again this is not usually in our control but if a kids birthday makes them in the category where they can be the oldest or youngest this is what I was told in regards to boys and girls.

This makes no sense, unless you think you have a strong genetic predisposition to develop early (for girls). You really don't know when they will develop.

As a parent of 3 girls, the one who was from the youngest in the grade had it the hardest (even though she has strong social skills and was okay academically).

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Sep 18 2018, 9:38 am

It’s individual. I was told I couldn’t put my son back a year in preschool unless I had a specific reason. Fast forward a year, and they were telling me he needed to stay back because he was behind. Thank you Sherlock, I told you that last year. He isn’t the top of his class now either, but he falls into the range of normal. I don’t care what’s popular, I left him back because of what’s good for him. Although, I don’t mind that he’s not the oldest in his class. I wouldn’t want him to stand out that way.

ectomorph

Tue, Sep 18 2018, 1:09 pm

I kept one child back because he's an extreme introvert and needed time to develop socially.
I am not keeping my second child back because s/he is strong socially and needs a lot of stimulation and is likely to be very bored in school.
The rest remain to be seen.