Baby Got Beaten Up at Babysitter.

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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debz123

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 7:39 pm

motek, not just older children fight, 2 year olds "fight" too. they have a very strong sence of "I" at that age and so they are constantly protecting their territory, weather by pushing another child or by grabbing things away. I agree that it is usually much tamer than with older children, but it does happen all the time and is very normal!

Tefila

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 7:41 pm

Quote:

motek, not just older children fight, 2 year olds "fight" too

I don't think u'r telling her anything new LOL

Motek

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 9:02 pm

I'll quote myself from page 1:

Quote:

it is quite normal for the older children to try and hit the younger ones

debz123

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 10:58 pm

so why are you so shocked and appalled that a toddler hurt another in group? why is it the babysitters fault? im not getting it. . .

debz123

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 11:03 pm

if the babysitter proved herself to be incompetent - had chilren get injured regularly, seemed incapable of handling the children properly then yes, it would be terrible to keep a child there. but this was a one time thing.

Mandy

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 11:09 pm

Motek- what would you do if this was your child- the child that was biting and or hitting. And you did all the right things, but your child still sometimes did this. Would you pull your child out of play group ? Would you feel like he or she was a bully ? How would you feel about posters who wrote in and condemned mothers for considering the possibility of leaving a child alone with yours ? Wouldn't you feel a bit bad ?

stem

Mon, Aug 15 2005, 11:39 pm

Not all toddlers hit. I find that kids who are left by babysitters often are more prone to act out with physical violence.
My children are trained practically from birth to NEVER hit, no matter what. If my child was in an environment where a "friend" would hit or hurt him/her on a consistant basis I would immidiately remove her/him from that place. If that means finding another day care, I would do it. If it means getting a sitter to come to the home instead of sending them to a group care, I would do it. If that means quitting my job (if there were no other option) - I would do that.
Freak accidents happen, but I don't think hitting and violence should be tolerated at any age. At least not on MY kids!

Oh, and if it were my child who was doing the hitting, yes, I would pull them out of play group and do some serious evaluating on the child and their behavior. Obviously, he/she is too young and not trained yet for a social life.

amother

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 9:31 am

I have two friends who are stay at home moms and their children are very violent- constantly trying to hurt any kids just for fun. I don't think whether or not a child is that way has anything to do with if you send them to babysitters. I think it is probably a combination of genetics and parenting style.

Instead of constantly condeming them, let's hear some good suggestions. Like I said my friends have kids who like to bite and hurt others. They do the right thing, it seems. They tell them not to do it and then they put them in time out. Not really working as far as I can tell. What would you advise them to do ? They don't go to daycare.

de_goldy

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 9:37 am

WHY WAS THAT POSTED AS AMOTHER???

Mommy912

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 9:41 am

There seems to be an 'amother' logged in now who is answering general posts. Guess she is feeling mysterious!
note to amother: you can be identified by your IP address/identifying features.

shoy18

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 9:41 am

Hey de-goldy take a chill pill, maybe she doesnt want people knowing who she is and whose children they are.

Whats the big deal? as long as it isnt rude and obnoxcious, or inappropriate.

amother

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 10:04 am

De_goldy. I posted that as amother b/c if I post under my screen name those people who are my friends may read this and figure out that I think their kids are violent and all the other things I wrote. There are more details but I left those out even out of the amother posting b/c people can figure out who you are. And yes, if the post is not insulting, I don;t understand why I have to justify posting as amother.

Motek

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 12:21 pm

amother wrote:

if the post is not insulting, I don;t understand why I have to justify posting as amother.

Yael says that you need to justify anonymous posts that are not anonymous for obvious reasons - see her p.s.:

Yael wrote:

To all our dear users,
You all know that we have made it easily possible for users to post anonymously when you have a personal and private issue that you need advice for. This amother feature is a privilege meant to be used only in cases where it is needed. it not meant to be abused and used for non personal posts or even worse as a mask to hide behind when someone wants to post something offending about someone.
I am asking each and every one of you personally to treat this feature as the privilege it is. I would hate to have to make it more difficult for users to post anonymously. if I dont see an improvement I have the option of giving the password of amother only to those who contact me personally to ask for it in order to post one post. and the password would be changed after each time.
this would make the anonymous posting feature much more complicated and lengthy. I really hope I wont be forced to do this.
I'm sure I can count on you all to use amother only when needed.
Thank you,
Yael
P.S. If you need to post something anonymously that doesnt seem to be personal to others, (such as a pregnancy related question when you still dont want others to know) then please mention the reason you are posting it anonymously so that we know that you arent simply abusing the amother feature.

stem

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 12:31 pm

I read recently about biting specifically. It's a sign that the kids are looking for more attention. My neice, who was 16 months at the time, started biting other kids out of the blue the week her mother had another baby. When the parents saw what was happening they made a huge effort to give her a ton of attention and the biting stopped completely.

Being a stay-at-home mother does not necissarily mean that the kids get more attention. I was just mentioned that daycare kids as more violent as a general example of kids that probably don't get as much attention from their mothers than they would like.

Motek

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 12:35 pm

great posts Stem Smile

Mandy wrote:

Motek - what would you do if this was your child- the child that was biting and or hitting. And you did all the right things, but your child still sometimes did this... How would you feel about posters who wrote in and condemned mothers for considering the possibility of leaving a child alone with yours ? Wouldn't you feel a bit bad

If it was my child biting and hitting (about as possible for me to imagine as my child growing wings and flying) then I DID NOT DO ALL THE RIGHT THINGS!

How would I feel about mothers not wanting to leave their child with mine? Would I feel a bit bad?

how about MAJORLY bad and therefore reading this should serve as A WAKE-UP CALL to DO something about it ASAP like keeping my kid home and giving him the attention he needs and deserves

Quote:

Would you pull your child out of play group ?

As for playgroup - I don't think a child under age 2 should be separated from his mother (when awake) except on very rare occasions OR if there is a devoted Bubby or the like available.

I don't think children should/need to be attending school or a regular, daily basis until age 4.

Between ages 2-3 - socializing with other children should be done with mommies in attendance. Between ages 3-4 they can spend brief periods of time with others without mommies in attendance, like at a friend's house.

note: the word "should" reflects my opinion and the ages are not engraved in stone (each age consists of 12 months and I'm not getting into 3 and 1/2, 3 and 3/4)

Quote:

Would you feel like he or she was a bully ?

feel? what do feelings have to do with it? the child IS bullying others!

Tefila

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 12:47 pm

My daughter from 15 mnth -19mnths was a biter and she could talk. So I just think it's a stage not to be tolerated guranteed Exclamation

that some kids go thru no matter how good of a parent u are Confused

1stimer

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 3:36 pm

Quote:

Being a stay-at-home mother does not necissarily mean that the kids get more attention. I was just mentioned that daycare kids as more violent as a general example of kids that probably don't get as much attention from their mothers than they would like.

being a jew doesn't necessarily mean being tight-fisted, I just mentioned jews as tight-fisted as an example of people that are probably tight fisted... Rolling Eyes

1stimer

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 3:44 pm

Quote:

As for playgroup - I don't think a child under age 2 should be separated from his mother (when awake) except on very rare occasions OR if there is a devoted Bubby or the like available.

I started this thread about what to do when a child gets hurt at a babysitter, not whether or not I should send my kid to a babysitter. The first time you hijacked this thread to state that mothers shouldn't be sending their kids to babysitters, I answered you politely, but again this thread has been hijacked...

Some of us don't have the option of whether or not to be a sahm. And besides which, I probably send my kid to a babysitter less than some of my friends who are sahm. Come on, we all know there is more to parenting than just 'not sending babies to babysitters'.

It seems like some ppl on this forum have an agenda, and will hijack any thread so they can drive home their agenda. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it!

Motek

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 4:13 pm

have you posted ANYWHERE ELSE about a thread going off to another topic, or ONLY HERE because you don't like what's being said?

come now, answer honestly!

Mandy asked me questions, and I responded.

How about complaining about Mandy hijacking the thread, hmmm?

613

Tue, Aug 16 2005, 4:35 pm

Guess what?!? My daughter got bitten by a kid at daycare today! The Morah said that she and another boy were fighting over a toy (sounds typical for my dd) and when she went to stop them, the boy bit her! Poor kid, she still has the teeth marks!

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