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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur
Why is it more important to fast than to daven?
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MiracleMama




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 20 2018, 10:25 am
Thank you to everyone who posted in this thread. As a woman who has been to shul only once in the last dozen years (only because we were in a hotel that one year and there was zero effort involved in going to shul plus daycare provided for all the children) I found this very validating and inspiring.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 20 2018, 10:36 am
amother wrote:
This is amazing! Thank you so much!!!!

My avoda every Yom Kippur involves laying in bed/on the couch drinking shiurim. This is due to a medical condition, not pregnancy. So this is likely what my Yom Kippur is going to be like for the rest of my life.
This year my youngest child went off to shul and I was left alone feeling sorry for myself, not even able to tell myself I was being mechanech my children Crying
It is impossible to daven with any semblance of kavana when I am required to watch the clock and drink a tiny bit every 10 minutes and I obviously can't be in shul so the davening does nothing for me spiritually.
The answer I was always given was "this is what YOU are supposed to do on Yom Kippur" but that never resonated with me until I read what you wrote. I definitely spent every waking moment of the day nullifying myself to Hashem's will. Every tiny sip that barely wet my mouth was for Hashem. NOW, after reading this I am feeling a spiritual high, a connection to Hashem. I spent the day doing HIS will.
Thank you! You have forever changed the way I will view Yom Kippur!!!


Wow. That is amazing. I once heard that it's like Hashem wants everyone else to fast, but from YOU he wants something else. This is what he wants from YOU.

Someone very close to me is B"H in remission after completing two rounds of chemotherapy just a month ago. Hashem should keep her healthy till 120! Her Rav did not allow her to fast, and told her to do shiurim. It was very hard for her to accept this, plus she said it sounds so annoying to have to keep watching the clock and drinking little bits of liquid. But she accepted that Hashem put her in this situation, and this is what he wants from her.

I remember when I was pg with DD (10 years ago) and terrified I'd loose the pg, my Rav said to spend the whole day off my feet, and that fasting comes before davening (and he also gave me instructions about conditions under which I would have to break my fast and do shiurim - which B"H didn't happen). Because that's what Hashem wanted from me, then.
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Thu, Sep 20 2018, 10:45 am
wow. this thread is beyond inspiring. can someone please remember to bump it next year as an inspiration and validation for all of us?

I too feel bad for myself that I don't go to shul. I feel bad that I only daven one shmonei esrei per tfila. I feel bad when I don't daven or say thilim for an hour in a row cuz I'm busy with the kids. I feel like I wont deserve a good year if I don't daven and beg and cry all day. silly me.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Thu, Sep 20 2018, 10:53 am
Thank you for this thread. This was the first yk ever that I didn’t daven. I always daven every one of the five tefillos even with my kids at home but this was my first time nursing on yk and I was very nervous about it. My rav said to stay in bed as much as possible and that if I felt dehydrated to drink until I felt better. I did NOT want to do that so I took it really easy and I was feeling very guilty about not davening anything besides brachos until I saw this post! B”H I didn’t have to break my fast.
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violet1




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 20 2018, 12:25 pm
Thank you all so much for your thought out replies. I only wish that I had time to post here before Yom Kippur because your answers were so helpful and really gave me something to think about and a new way to look at things.
I'll definitely be reading this thread again and again.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 1:53 am
hi. im new. id like to add my input. just as other posters wrote fasting is a doreisa which is one of the mitzvos of the day. with davening we might feel connection but a woman is not mechiyuv w davening especially if she is bz w children as it is considered a mitzvah shezman grama. any davening she does is considered todah....its like a bonus that shes giving a gift to Hashem. if someone is in any stage or condition where davening all day in shul wud weaken her & she wud havta break her fast after that, then I was advised by my rav rather not go to shul to daven in order to be able to fast even with shiurim
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 1:58 am
I explain fasting to young kids that its like we tell Hashem if im supposed to get any pain this year, accept the fact that I pained myself already with fasting it shud be instead of any pain that is goizer on me
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 2:18 am
violet1 wrote:
That much I know. But I'm wondering why Hashem would want us to fast when we could be making a more meaningful connection for ourselves.


There is a chassidic concept of feeling Hashem via "gilui" revealed or "atzmus" essence. Gilui is the frills, beautiful singing, holy atmosphere, inspiring speech. Atzmus is the connection that has you cry out to Hashem while you are changing diapers and feel like you can't continue.

I hear this so many times (and have been challenged by it myself). We think of YK and all the gilui - wearing white, going to shul, davening, the beautiful piyutim, the heart-rending tunes, the amazing sermon.

When really, to achieve atzmus, all you have to do is fast. You can literally sit on the couch and (as I once advised a not religious teenager who said she can't fast if she goes to shul) watch a movie (which is drabbanun) and you will have fulfilled the Torah obligation of the day - to fast - and accessed hashems real essence by fulfilling His will, even though it doesn't feel half as good as going to shul and enjoying all the frills that we *think* is what the day means.

(disclaimer: obviously I'm not suggesting anyone watch a movie and I didn't advise her to either. It's just the point)
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