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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Succos

Sukkos sleeping

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amother

Smokey

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 12:56 am

People say sukkos is their favorite holiday. I just miss my husband. Selichot, then searching for Arba minim, and every night he sleeps in the sukkah. Not to mention the late night simchot etc. In the AM I’m up with the kids. I feel super guilty about not enjoying this time and celebrating, these are all mitzvot right? So why do I feel so resentful each night?

amother

Honeydew

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 1:00 am

Could you sleep in the sukkah? It's fun. And very spiritual.

amother

Smokey

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 1:03 am

I wish. We did SR but I must stay with little kids and sukka wouldn’t fit another bed:(

amother

Honeydew

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 1:07 am

It's nearly over. Try and make the most of it.

Hugs.

amother

Yellow

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 3:26 am

There's a special mitzvah for him to give you simchas yom tov on sukkos. Is he sure that he should be sleeping in the sukkah if it upsets you?

amother

Tangerine

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 3:56 am

Just to add to the vent . I'm sorry op for hacking your thread . My sukka is in the kitchen and my brother in law is sleeping in there . I'm having lots of guests and wanna cook but he's still sleeping (9am)

amother

Khaki

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 6:11 am

I can relate. I just had a baby and my husband insists on sleeping in the sukkah every night. He says he can sleep inside if I really need his help but I feel bad. I told him as long as he's up with the other kids at 6:30, I'm ok with it. It's almost over thankfully

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 6:30 am

Im asking this question out of completely seriousness, not to be mean to these husbands, but doesnt shalom bayit trump the mitzvah of sleeping in the suka? I mean, if a wife wants/needs her husband in the house, or in the bedroom, shouldnt he forego the mitvah of sleeping in the suka? Thats what I learned.

Ruchel

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 6:39 am

Some people find it very funny. Me, eating there last night, I was happy to go back inside even though we didn't need coats. I'd hate to wake up cold, or to rain... grew up MO, people didn't sleep in the suka, even those with a garden... iirc. I can't vouch that some kids didn't use it as a tent etc but the parental couple? not afaik...

bsy

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 8:05 am

amother wrote:

I have a newborn and I told my husband I need him in the house.

amother

Seashell

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 8:17 am

This year we had rain every night where I live and for the first time I can remember dh has not slept in the succah for even one night. In a way I was looking forward to having a little space, privacy which I didn’t get this year and didn’t realize how much I was waiting for it. With only 2 nights left and a very cloudy day, it doesn’t look like it will happen this year.

amother

Lilac

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 8:29 am

amother wrote:

I feel the same way. Sukkos is my least favorite holiday. I hate being separated from DH and I’m glad that rain has kept him in the house this year (but then I feel a bit guilty about that feeling). If I made a big fuss and pulled the Shalom bayis card, I could probably convince him to stay with me, but I don’t feel right about causing him to lose a mitzvah on my account.

Part of my resentment is that I get a lot of extra work, lose my cherished time with DH, etc., and these are not even my mitzvos. . . He gets the mitzvah of sleeping in the sukkah, but what mitzvah do I get in exchange for my tzaar at having him gone? If anyone has an actual, source that states that women get a mitzvah for allowing their husbands to sleep in the sukkah, please post it. (Thanks in advance.)

keym

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 9:40 am

Its funny. I was talking to a rebbitzen friend of mine who said she finds Sukkos more stressful than Pesach.
With Pesach, you clean and then that's it. Food, all you could do is Chicken and potatoes and meat and potatoes and salad.
Sukkos, first of all its a full 3 weeks of yt season (especially this year with nonstop shabbos, yt).
Sukkos, there is way more variety of available food, so most families prepare quite a few more options and variety.
Sukkos, there's the setting and clearing the sukka, arranging mattresses, setting up chairs, mattress and pillow and blanket clutter.
Sukkos, also there's the extra "stress" of building the sukka. (And many men in my house spend all their time desiging, shloks, redesigning sukkos, planning for next year.
And don't forget Arba Minnim- buying, checking, handling.
Even in a house with perfectly even distribution, its a lot more stuff so a lot more stress.

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