Family First Article- on not being a superwoman

SuperWify

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 8:11 am

This article was about a few women that decided they can’t do it all and stopped doing something that they “should” be doing. The introduction got me excited but the examples they bought were ridiculous.

Like one woman stopped buying her kids matching accessories with each outfit- really? I didn’t know that was a requirement in being a superwoman!!

Another woman stopped making dinner her kids live in cereal and bread. Always.
Very (not) normal.

Another woman doesn’t bake. (Wow. That’s what bakeries are for.)

Besides for the dinner example I think the bar was set a bit far.

My idea of not being a superwoman is very different.

Like getting cleaning help and using shortcuts in your cooking.

Like taking time for self care and admitting that you are a human with your needs and not just a wife and Mommy.

Like gaining weight after a baby and accepting it instead of running to the gym after your hospital discharge.

(I think that any woman that realizes she can’t do it all is actually a superwoman in my eyes.)

What do you think are good examples of not being a superwoman?

thunderstorm

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 8:22 am

I saw the examples the women wrote and didn't finish the article. I found those answers ridiculous as well.

For me not being a super woman means:

There are days that there is nothing to eat for supper and I have DH and the kids "figure it out" themselves

That my toilets are not always perfectly cleaned on a daily basis

That you CANT lick off my floors

That there are times I ask my kids to wash a load of their own laundry because I just can't

On Yom Tov I lay down to nap and the baby started crying. I just told DH to take care of the baby so I could sleep (even though he was just going to take a nap himself. I took over after I snoozed for a half hour)

I don't do homework every day with the kids. I remind them about it and sign their homework sheets but I don't spend hours sitting with them doing homework and I don't stress out about it.

I put my feet up and chill out whenever I feel like it. Even on a busy Friday afternoon, while everyone else is shvitsing and cleaning and cooking. I do ALOT and I need a break here and there.

I am not selfish . I'm not a neglectful mother. I'm not a mean wife. I am human and care about myself too!

amother

Crimson

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 8:23 am

I wanted some short cut tips and didn’t learn anything from the write up.

I already don’t make an issue over supper- my kids eat whatever (frozen pizza, grilled cheese, sandwiches) and I just make a normal meal for dh. (I’m always on a diet..)

I already know I can’t handle guests... sometimes there’s no choice and it’s very hard on me but I didn’t gain any insight on how to handle it

Really didn’t learn anything new from that article...

I have a lot of baking/ cooking shortcuts... those weren’t mentioned at all - neither were housekeeping shortcut tips mentioned

ShishKabob

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 8:29 am

I always get disappointed with these articles. The titles are great but the content is always a letdown.
Not being superwoman for me means :
1- that the fridge gets cleaned way less than I want it to.
2- that I acknowledge that I am only human and make desert only after everything is cooked
3- that I barely iron, only the stuff that really looks bad if it isn't
4- making sure that I get enough sleep even if the kitchen stays messy overnight

Chayalle

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 8:34 am

I agree the articles were ridiculous.

My ideas of shortcuts might be more along the lines of simple, one pot-type suppers when I need a break....using papergoods....getting more cleaning help (yay me! My cleaning lady came on all the Erev's....)...fluffing shirts in the dryer instead of ironing...using wipes to do light cleaning, easier than sprays and deep cleaning.....and getting my girls to pitch in - delegating!

There was nothing helpful in the articles. To top it off, the woman who never bakes implied that grocery stuff tastes better. I happen to love baking. And she has obviously never been in my home (my teens absolutely decried that line, and told me they are happy to help, just continue baking!)

mha3484

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 8:40 am

It was a super weird article.

I make a hot dinner each night because after working all day I am hungry and want one too. When its really really hot out in the summer I am happy to make a salad but I want to eat a filling meal. I cant figure out the not making dinner thing because arent you the mother hungry?

I dont bake, I dont have guests, I have little boys and their clothing is really low maintenance. My oldest got a hand me down suit and its machine washable otherwise not happening. My middle wants to match his older brother so hes been asking for white shirts lately. I just think I am regular. It never occurred to me to feel bad that I make my life easy not hard.

keym

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:07 am

My ideas of shortcuts are grilled cheese and carrot sticks for supper sometimes, quick wipe with wipes in kitchen and bathroom when I'm too tired, sorting clean laundry into baskets but not always folding. Stuff like that.

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:16 am

I also came away from that article like huh? To me being superwoman means doing all the things I do and the things I don't do are what allow me to be such a superwoman and juggle my kids/ relegion/ full time job/ house/ husband/ friend/ and daughter responsibilities.

SuperWify

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:32 am

amother wrote:

Great point!

Because how can we have enough energy to do our jobs properly if we are swamped with so many other stuff?

Also I’d think that after this month of countless yt and shabbos meals EVERY SINGLE frum woman (married, single, kids, no kids, hosting or being hosted) is a true superwoman.

Every single time I walked into Gourmet Glatt on an “Erev” day I was like, Wow Hashem! Your daughters are truly something special!

InnerMe

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:40 am

Phew.
It feels good to see that so many other people thought this article was super weird.
I like the idea of it but.. she doesn't match her kids??!! Umm that makes her not antisuperwoman?

And I agree that no normal dinner ever doesn't sound functional.

But I'm also thinking that each person has their own idea of what superwoman looks like. So the mom who never bakes, in her mind a "real" mom would be baking.. and yet she allows herself to take she shortcut she feels she needs.

Same with the person who doesn't host. Growing up, this is what she saw. And now that she's not doing it, to her it feels like she's doing something wrong. Like she's not living up to the mom expectations she expects of herself. So for her letting go of that, is a positive and a way of dropping that "superwoman" fantasy.

Those 2 I found sensible.. but the rest.. Scratching Head

Rappel

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:43 am

To answer the OP's original question: DH works long, odd hours, and sometimes I find myself alone for Thursday-Friday.

A "superwoman" would probably perfectly manage her toddler and baby, whole cooking three course meals, fold the laundry, wash everything down, and get dressed perfectly in time to greet her husband as she lights candles. (Oh, and set the table. And make the beds. And...)

In reality, I choose between being nice to my kids and making a beautiful Shabbat. I cook decent food in the time when they nap. I rarely shower, clean, or do much else. DH comes home, we get the kids to bed, and then we pick up everything in the main room and kitchen. We have a low-key meal, and go to bed.

That seems like "letting go" to me, but hey, my normal isn't yours.

InnerMe

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:49 am

ShishKabob wrote:

To me, the article just shows how out of touch these writers are with reality. just saying...

But that's weird. Because who are the "writers?" Regular people like me and you.
It confuses me when an article like this gets printed... especially with the trip it makes through editors, proof readers etc.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 9:53 am

I don't think these examples apply to me anymore, but earlier in my marriage and child-rearing I felt enormous pressure to do things a certain way. Looking back, living in an aptmnt building with a lot of young women starting out their lives and being a little insecure and living in a fishbowl contributed. Also, my in-laws family is extremely image-conscious and I tried so hard to fit in and be accepted. It took years to realize it won't work and I can develop myself according to my own likes and values.

So while I read this post now and think wow that's kind of ridiculous, at a certain point, parts of it would have spoken to that desperate me trying to look and be just so.