Don't ask my son if he works here

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 1:35 pm

When you are out shopping in a large Lakewood Jewish store, and you see my son please don't ask him: do you work here. Just don't. Just because his white shirt is the casual type instead of dress shirt doesn't make him a worker. I have nothing against the young men who are working and I think its great. But please don't ask that of any young person who u think fits your stereotypical preconceived notions of what workers and customers look like.

If you want to ask a young man, you can say: do you know anyone who works here, and either he'll say sure, I do how can I help. Or he'll say yeah that guy over there was helping me b4. Why do you need to ask your questions in a way that stereotypes?

Please don't make stupid assumptions that are hurtful to young boys just because their white shirt isn't the way you think it should look.

groovy1224

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 1:39 pm

Is it possible you're reading too much into this? I once saw someone in target wearing a red shirt and asked her where I could find a gardening hose. Happened to be the shirt she was wearing looked just like the target red shirt employees wear. I apologized, and we all moved on.

Doesn't mean I'm thinking 'only some loser minimum wage earner would wear that color..'

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 1:41 pm

amother wrote:

Why is it hurtful exactly to be asked if you work in a store?

does your son look like he is shopping in the store?

thunderstorm

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 1:44 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

I have been asked if I work at the store more than once or I wasn't even asked , I was just asked where something is. It's not an insult. One person apologized and said I was just so friendly to everyone that she thought I was the sales lady. Lol.
OP, sometimes when we are insecure we look too deeply into every scenario and comment. People are not thinking less of your son because of his shirt. Many teenage bachurim work temporarily in retail during the Yom Tov season, while they are off of school, to help with the influx of shoppers.

ShishKabob

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 1:44 pm

If he dresses in a certain way that makes people think that he works there, maybe he should wear a pin that says: "no, I don't work here". said in good humor Smile

Lizzie4

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 1:44 pm

I have a very confident walk. I like to quickly find and buy what I need and leave the store (I look like I know what I'm doing). I am always mistaken for a saleswoman. I don't mind it at all

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 1:45 pm

I'm sorry OP, but I don't think its hurtful or insulting to ask if he works there. He should reply "sorry, I dont" and that's it.
Some people here are overly sensitive for nothing.

little neshamala

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 1:49 pm

OP I have asked frum men in my Monsey grocery store if they work there, because thats just the way they looked. They werent holding on to a shopping cart or basket, they didnt have a lost/confused/concentrating look on their face, they walked slowly and confidently, etc...they just didnt look like custotmers.

And guess what-there were times that I was right! They did work there! And other times was a miss-I sincerely hope I didnt offend anyone....

heidi

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 1:53 pm

I usually carry a credit card in my pocket instead of a purse so I am always asked if I work in stores. It's not an insulting question in and of itself. OP I think you need to think about why this is bothering you so much

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 1:53 pm

Nothing wrong with working. DH wears casual white shirts. He is mistaken for workers in places where he doesn't work. So what? LOL - if you ask DH for assistance, he will try to help you regardless.

little neshamala

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 1:57 pm

Also OP, there are plenty of men who do wear the typical yeshivish button down white shirt, who actually do work in stores!
and they also get asked if they work in the store. ...if it looks like they do.

I really think youre overthinking this

Raisin

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 2:02 pm

I'm always asking customers if they work in the shop. embarrassed

Luckily, outside of the OP's world, working in a shop is a perfectly respectable occupation. (especially for a young person, but nothing wrong for older people too! retail is a good career option for many people)

My husband worked in a shop when he was a teenager. I still married him.

observer

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 2:26 pm

I think someone here is being overly sensitive, not sure if it's your son or you.

Most of us get asked at some point if we work in the store. Could be for any reason. No big deal. Just say no and move on.

Purple2

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 2:52 pm

Op, please don’t pass your insecurities on to your child.
I’ve actually encouraged my(only white shirt wearing) son to try to get a bein hazmanim job in a store. I thought it would be a fun experience.
Unfortunately he hasn’t tried yet but I’m working on the next one!

zaq

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 3:04 pm

I always assume the customer either thinks I look knowledgeable or just asked the first person s/he saw. To be insulted is just... bizarre. But maybe OP was taunted by her my-daddy-is-a-lawyer/rabbi/doctor/ CEO schoolmates because her parents ran the candy store where the kids bought snacks after school, she never got over it, and swore her kids would never, ever, work in a shop.

Now if the customer barked at me “You! In the red shirt! Gimme six of those boxes of soy milk!” I might take umbrage. Not because s/ he thought I worked there but because that’s rude.