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My old manager stole my life
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ora_43




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 7:32 am
Your old manager sounds like he was really an emotional abuser. I second, third, etc, suggestions that therapy might be in order. There are therapists who do quick, goal-oriented work that should only take a few sessions. It can really help get your thinking straight. It sounds like you still have a lot of guilt and pain about the whole story. And some fear now of finding yourself in a similar situation in the future.

One thing I recommend, just IMHO as a very-much-not-a-therapist, is to remind yourself that it wasn't a complete waste of time. You did earn money during that time. You gained job skills. You have something to put on your resume for that time period. You made work contacts. You provided the community with whatever benefit your workplace provides (and nearly every workplace provides something). You learned what emotional abuse looks like in the workplace - true, you learned in the worst possible way, but it's still a valuable lesson. You know the warning signs.

And if nothing else, every other job you'll have should look better in comparison.
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amother




Mistyrose


Post  Mon, Oct 15 2018, 3:13 pm
ora_43 wrote:
Your old manager sounds like he was really an emotional abuser. I second, third, etc, suggestions that therapy might be in order. There are therapists who do quick, goal-oriented work that should only take a few sessions. It can really help get your thinking straight. It sounds like you still have a lot of guilt and pain about the whole story. And some fear now of finding yourself in a similar situation in the future.

One thing I recommend, just IMHO as a very-much-not-a-therapist, is to remind yourself that it wasn't a complete waste of time. You did earn money during that time. You gained job skills. You have something to put on your resume for that time period. You made work contacts. You provided the community with whatever benefit your workplace provides (and nearly every workplace provides something). You learned what emotional abuse looks like in the workplace - true, you learned in the worst possible way, but it's still a valuable lesson. You know the warning signs.

And if nothing else, every other job you'll have should look better in comparison.



Thanks so much, everyone, for the amazing support and helpful guidance and advice I received on this disturbing matter. When I look back at old emails and see how he controlled me terribly and I fed right into it and asked for more, it's revolting and I can vomit. I just can't believe I fell for that and didn't fight back and rebel! How dare he!!! And my poor husband and children had to suffer the consequences of everything it brought along- stress etc. Yes, I should go for therapy but not sure how quickly will happen. Yes, I definitely have the constant thought of never letting it happen again and the minute anyone tries to ask me something, my protective antennas go up and I "fight back", similar to what I feel I should've done in the past yet felt helpless to do. Yes, I definitely did gain and it wasn't a waste, it's just so upsetting to think that these precious years with my family were stolen from me and what a victim and easy target I was.
Any further comments, sympathy, or suggestions are welcome. Thanks all!
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amother




Violet


Post  Sun, Oct 28 2018, 6:32 am
Make an appointment with the jewish board. (NY). They take insurance. If they dont have an available slot, be on waiting list. Go regularly. He did huge damage. The suffering along with feelings of hapiness and the way you were lost when the manager left show that you need a few good sessions and you will be good to go. (Insist they teach you how to fucus on pleasurable thoughts when these horrible memories come to you - its a mild hipnosis you self use that helps me a lot when bad memories come back to me.- it takes a session or 2 to learn this techniche which is worlnderfull for a lot types of pain or stress). Keep coming back here adding and venting as it comes back to you. You need to let it all out.
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amother




Peach


Post  Sun, Oct 28 2018, 7:35 am
My boss instilled such a fear in us that I had nightmares daily.. I didn't go to work for a month and then quit. I just couldn't take it anymore. He once picked a coworker up from home on a Sunday and took her to the office to work.. I still can't believe she went but how insane is that???
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amother




Bisque


Post  Sun, Oct 28 2018, 8:00 am
I work at a job where my supervisor things he knows it all thank goodness he is leaving his position. I am a strong person and I only let him get under my skin one time I learned after that to just ignore it and tell myself he is sick. He tried the same tactic the other day in front of my co workers and I just kept saying to him sorry you feel that way making it their problem. I only have 2 weeks under him thank goodness. Nobody should bully anyone at work. I am keeping my job because it makes sense to me and if things get out of hand we have a reporting system at work I can use. I just let it go and do my job.
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amother




Teal


Post  Sun, Oct 28 2018, 3:18 pm
I just got out of a job with an emotional abusive boss.
My boss always managed to take work related things and make it personal, placing blame all the time and putting employees down.
She'd threaten to fire everyone as she's the BOSS! I'm so glad to be out despite knowing I will not get a letter of recommendation despite doing a really good job at what I was hired to do.
I'm struggling financially now but I'm a much calmer person and didn't realize the amount of anxiety I was carrying
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amother




Denim


Post  Sun, Oct 28 2018, 3:19 pm
Good for you! Yes abuse and its effects are so insidious.
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amother




Mistyrose


Post  Tue, Nov 13 2018, 3:33 pm
[quote="amother"]Make an appointment with the jewish board. (NY). They take insurance. If they dont have an available slot, be on waiting list. Go regularly. He did huge damage. The suffering along with feelings of hapiness and the way you were lost when the manager left show that you need a few good sessions and you will be good to go. (Insist they teach you how to fucus on pleasurable thoughts when these horrible memories come to you - its a mild hipnosis you self use that helps me a lot when bad memories come back to me.- it takes a session or 2 to learn this techniche which is worlnderfull for a lot types of pain or stress). Keep coming back here adding and venting as it comes back to you. You need to let it all out.[/quote

OP here, following up. I recently heard from another manager in the office that I have to be nicer. I feel horrible bec I consider myself nice. I was also told that ppl don't appreciate when I'm so pushy, like they offer me something and I'm not satisfied and push for more. I don't understand what's wrong with that. If I'm not going to push for myself, who will and if I will be "nice" to every person and always say yes, then my family will suffer, as they have done in the past (even though I'm the only one who remembers that with my Jewish mother's guilt). I asked for concrete examples on how I'm not nice and didn't hear back. It makes me feel horrible that this is how I'm perceived and viewed after all my hard work and dedication. What should I do about it? Is it my old manager's fault that he made me be this way?
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