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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Infants
amother
Tan
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 11:31 am
DS has an undescended testicle and is going into surgery next week to fix it. I had to tell certain people about the surgery, like my work and some relatives and neighbors who are helping out. But I feel like it's not something I should be telling people. How can I get out of answering what surgery he is having? Should I make something else up?
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ssspectacular
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 11:34 am
Can you just say that it is a minor procedure or something like that, without being specific.
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amother
Lime
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 11:35 am
If you are going to make something up you can go with hernia surgery...common problem ..same area...
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pause
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 11:35 am
I don't see why you wouldn't say what it is. It's a pretty common occurrence and there's nothing to be embarrassed of.
You caould also just lie and say it's a hernia.
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amother
Violet
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 11:39 am
Quickly say is an orchiopexy - 9/10 people (yes made up stat) will both have no idea what that is, and won't have the brain capacity to remember it long enough to google.
If asked for more details - just say say 'the recovery is quick' and hopefully the person will get the hint.
But generally -just don't tell people your son is having a surgery - other than need to know basis.
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GetReal
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 11:41 am
Just say it's a minor procedure. No ones business about the details
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amother
Firebrick
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 11:43 am
You could say he's having "a urologic procedure". That should ward off further inquiry.
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amother
Magenta
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 11:43 am
I think if you try to hide it, people will imagine much worse. Surgery for an undescended testicle is SO common.
Like others said, if you have to lie, just say hernia surgery.
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 11:46 am
I'd rather not go into details.
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amother
Tangerine
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 11:47 am
My son had a similar surgery (same area but different problem) when a day old but I didn't want to give details, I just said it was in the plumbing area and didn't say more. It could of been so many different things.
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simcha2
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 12:57 pm
"I have to take off tomorrow, my son is having surgery"
No need name anything.
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Metukah
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 2:36 pm
How old is your son? Does he know?
It is your prerogative to decide not to share, but it truly disturbs me that people keep it so hush hush. Both of my sister's sons had it. It is extremely common and not something that could affect them in the future. On the contrary, kol hakavod for finding out and dealing with it.
By telling other people you may raise awareness and ensure that other parents check their children.
My sister's doctor told her that many women in the community are not even aware of this issues and often the testicle/s ascend later, long after the pediatrician has checked the child.
On amother note on the same topic, I don't know how old your son is but if he is old enough to know he is going on to surgery please explain to him what part of his anatomy is being operated on. When my nephew was having surgery there was another frum woman waiting with her son. She had told her son that he was having surgery on his teeth. Poor kid woke up not understanding why he had pain on his lower parts.
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animeme
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 3:36 pm
simcha2 wrote: | "I have to take off tomorrow, my son is having surgery"
No need name anything. |
Yep, with the possible addition of the word "minor". You can respond to the, "Oy! Is everything ok?" with "Yes, routine and planned, but thank you". Then move on.
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amother
cornflower
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 4:26 pm
Metukah wrote: | It is extremely common and not something that could affect them in the future. |
It is common, and OP doesn't have to answer people's nosy questions. But it does carry a risk of infertility and cancer for both testicles even the one that was descended and even when fixed. So boys with this condition should know about it later in case they see a bump or something. It is even a risk factor for male breast cancer. Kids and adults should be aware of their bodies and any changes.
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amother
Violet
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 4:47 pm
amother wrote: | Quickly say is an orchiopexy - 9/10 people (yes made up stat) will both have no idea what that is, and won't have the brain capacity to remember it long enough to google.
If asked for more details - just say say 'the recovery is quick' and hopefully the person will get the hint.
But generally -just don't tell people your son is having a surgery - other than need to know basis. |
commenting on my own post to say - I will never look an orchid the same way now.
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penguin
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 5:18 pm
I would definitely keep it quiet. You know how crazy people get with shidduchim. All you need is for someone to ask one of your friends if they know of any medical issues & she says, "oh, he had some kind of urological surgery as an infant" and then people imagine all sorts of stuff. If you say nothing you can hope they will say nothing...
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happyone
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 6:22 pm
Procedure is better term than surgery if you dont want questions .
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oneofakind
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 8:03 pm
Minor procedure. Leave it at that.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Sun, Oct 07 2018, 8:20 pm
My sons had this and I agree to keep it quiet bec ppl may remember to say it by shidduchim even though my sons dr says it wont cause infertility and he cut off the bad testicle so no increased risk of cancer.
Also telling them the name of the procedure is a no no bec they can google it to see wat it is.
Pls just say he had a procedure, nothing very serious, not life threatening. If they pry, be firm and say "I dont want to discuss the details". If they pry some more like the nosy ones do or close relatives do, just repeat and if they are really annoying u, just say "I have to get off the phone, my baby needs me" or "I better go home now as I have so many things to take care of " or in work say "im going to the bathroom" or "I better stop talking so I can get this done"
If after all the above, they still pry just be honest and tell them "pls respect my wishes for privacy, u are prying which is making me uncomfortable".
Yes, easier said than done but this is good practice for any issue u want to keep private but those nosy ppl just keep prying....
Hatzlacha with the surgery. I hope its successful.
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amother
cornflower
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Mon, Oct 08 2018, 12:22 am
amother wrote: | My sons had this and I agree to keep it quiet bec ppl may remember to say it by shidduchim even though my sons dr says it wont cause infertility and he cut off the bad testicle so no increased risk of cancer. |
This isn't accurate for undescended testicles. For your child's own health it's important to know there is an increased risk of cancer (and infertility) for either testicle even after it was operated on to bring it down. It's no one else business but you and your ds should know to be aware.
But, what do you mean he cut off the bad testicle? Maybe he had some other procedure done.
They don't cut off the testicle if it's undescended. It's only cut off if they think there's a tumor or if there was torsion. Is that what your son had? That's different than undescended testicle. Torsion is another thing that parents and kids should be aware of, so that if a kid has pain in the testicles get him to an ER right away so they can check if there is torsion. Otherwise if it's more than a few hours, they have to cut it off if it's dead.
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