Overnight Babysitter- Boro Park

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:53 pm

Prepare the child before, tell him that he'll be going to the babysitter. It's ok for the child to be confused for a bit, toddlers adapt quickly. Most babysitters will tell you that most kids cry just for a little bit. Send along familiar toys, blankets.... and I promise you your child will be fine.

oliveoil

Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:56 pm

I legit don't understand how people who either have kids or work with kids or have any basic understanding of child development and psychology (ie. MOST PEOPLE) can even remotely think this is ok.

You think that because you gave the kid a toy and they stopped crying that nothing is going on inside? It's shockingly ignorant.

ra_mom

Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:59 pm

amother wrote:

Do you have personal experience?

Personal experience about a random woman from an anonymous typer on imamother?
Is there no one the child loves who can care for him while you're recuperating?
B'shaah Tova!

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:59 pm

Oliveoil, no one stays with long lasting ramifications & issues because they where sent to a sitter as a toddler, believe me. On the other hand, If a mother has to care for her toddler & newborn post birth, this is a guaranteed disaster & said toddler might end up with a mom with issues......

amother

Mauve

Tue, Oct 09 2018, 11:59 pm

amother wrote:

Do you work? Drop off your newborn baby, toddler by a babysitter????? How can A MOTHER SEND HER CHILD TO A COMPLETE STRANGER???? Are you serious? Your abandoning your children!!!!! And you do this everyday!!!! For gods sake...what is wrong with you...a mother's place is home!!!

You're right!! And I am home!!!
I work from home...I didn't send any of my kids to any strangers..at least you got that one right!!! Wink

flowerpower

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:00 am

amother wrote:

Send the newborn to the babysitter, at least he/she won't realize they are being abandoned!
Have DH take off
Hire a nurse, babysitter, hs girl, someone. Anyone.
I can't imagine there are zero options and thus is tge only solution. I'm sorry. I can't comprehend this.

To each their own!!!!

Someone I know is an overnight sitter. She is warm and loving. The kids are fine. Sometines there is no choice.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:04 am

Amother mauve, I guess you never go away without your kids, you never had an out of town simcha that you went without your kids & that you or anyone else in the family where never hospitalized for overnights. Good for you, though I dont understand how you're still sane. (Unless you have just 1 or 2 kids).
But not everyone is you & dont make others feel bad for doing what is right for them. It's not normal or healthy for a women to come home to a house full.of kids post birth.
I dont know anyone that was never in a position that they had to send a child to a sitter.

oliveoil

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:04 am

amother wrote:

This is just plain not true.

a) kids absolutely can end up with attachment issues from being abandoned to a stranger for a week or two.

b) plenty of mothers care for toddlers and newborns without it being a "guaranteed disaster." but most of all, why is that the only other option. Sending to an overnight babysitter is costly. Use that same money to have extra help around the house so that you can keep the new baby and the "old" baby with you.

sirel

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:10 am

Wow, this is a real culture shock.
I heard about this irl recently for the first time ever, I had met a chassidish woman and we were chatting.

It came up, somehow , that she recently married off her son. and she mentioned that she was so busy, so she sent her 18 month old to a babysitter for 2 weeks.
I assumed she meant during morning, playgroup hours. So she could cook for the aufruf, run errands, etc.
No.
She was busy with the wedding,the aufruf, so she sent her 18 month old baby AWAY to a stranger for 2 weeks!!!
I couldn't keep the shock off my face. I mumbled something and changed the topic.

sirel

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:13 am

amother wrote:

I come home to a household of kids, and I'm plenty normal and healthy , TYVM.
I get help, DH helps, neighbors chip in with meals, we get takeout.

amother

Slategray

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:14 am

amother wrote:

No one I know does. Why not hire more help in your own home?

oliveoil

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:15 am

amother wrote:

Once you have kids, it's not about you. It's about doing what's right and best for them. And that is not - except is very, very exceptionally rare circumstances - sending them away to a stranger.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:24 am

Oliveoil, what's right & good for the kids is a healthy mom that can care for them.
If you never ever send a child away overnight, then you're creating issues for the child. It's ok & even healthy for a child to go away once in a blue moon.

oliveoil

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:26 am

amother wrote:

Yes, it is healthy and normal for a child to go away for a night here or there, when they are ready, to a familiar environment (ie. relative or close family friend). It is not normal and healthy to send a toddler away for days (or weeks) to a complete stranger. In no universe.

sirel

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:27 am

amother wrote:

Oh really.
Well, if it lets you look yourself in the mirror

anon for this

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:37 am

amother wrote:

Disregarding OP for the moment, exactly what "issues" does one create for a child by not sending him away overnight? By what age must one send away a child overnight to avoid creating these issues? My youngest son didn't spend a night away from home until he started camp at 11. What issues should I anticipate?

amother

Lime

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:40 am

Ok!!! I'm the op and I've read the arguments. So heres the thing. Typically, I send my toddler to ome of my sisters but that's not an option at this time. I've never yet before sent to a stranger precisely for the reason you guys have mentioned. At the moment, I am weighing my options. I am open to any suggestions. I am not against having him at home as he goes to playgroup during day. If anyone knows of someone that is avail to come to me in the afternoons from 3:30 till bedtime to help with supper, play, bath etc.... I would very much consider.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 12:51 am

amother wrote:

I applaud you for being so open minded and doing whats truly best for your child.
You can call a local seminary or high school and ask for a recommendation for girls who are looking to make a couple of extra dollars. Your toddler will be so much calmer and happier in his home setting.

amother

Beige

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 8:34 am

Olive oil is on target. I honestly can't understand how this is even an argument! If you have any idea of basic human psychology it should be quite obvious that a child will go through a trauma being abandoned to a stranger ( no matter how loving she is) .
How this is a normal acceptable practice is beyond my comprehension!' It hurts to just read about.... kudos to you OP for being a good mom and please listen to your intuition. Use that money towards an at home sitter / nurse / takeout/ cleaning help...but please keep your toddler home with you:) ( or at the very least send to a loving grandparent or aunt ... someone who your child is extremely comfortable with:)
Bshaah tova!