Overnight Babysitter- Boro Park

amother

Navy

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 8:46 am

amother wrote:

I applaud you for being so open minded and doing whats truly best for your child.
You can call a local seminary or high school and ask for a recommendation for girls who are looking to make a couple of extra dollars. Your toddler will be so much calmer and happier in his home setting.

Definitely seminaries. Dd went to a half day one, and there were constantly notices like this going up, and the girls snapped them up.

keym

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 9:44 am

In practice, I've never sent my kids to total strangers (I've left them with aunts, cousins, close family friends, or close neighbors) because it does bother me.
But the stridency of objectors bothers me.
I had a friend send a 2 yr old after a scheduled C, because she knew she would not be able to lift or carry the toddler, and it would be more traumatic for the toddler to see Mommy there and not be hands on in his care. I didn't agree, but the mother was trying to do right by her kids.

We actually have no idea why a woman feels the need to send her kids out. But not all people have room to bring in nurses, not all husbands are able to be flexible, not all family is available, not all women bounce back like you do. Personally, I've had very unhelpful situations with hiring mothers helpers that makes me wary to do it again.

Let's just stop guilting each other. Especially if we don't know anyone's real reasons.

pesek zman

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 9:49 am

What I don't understand is the overnight part. What does a toddler need overnight? Presumably a toddler sleeps through the night. Does the toddler come home in the morning? I can imagine needing help with a toddler in the afternoon hours: playing, dinner, bath, bed. For which id consider hiring a mothers helper. But what is so involving overnight?

keym

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 9:57 am

pesek zman wrote:

My friend's husband was working Big Four Accountant, and her baby was born April 1. She could not rely on him for ANYTHING!!! Evenings she would be able to hire someone, but her toddler woke up at 5:30 raring to go. Needing to be changed, fed, entertained, etc. She couldn't find anyone to come to her 5:30-8:30 until his playgroup started, and she was under strict no lifting conditions so she sent him out for one week until she was recovered enough to be able to lift him out of his crib.

flowerpower

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 10:10 am

keym wrote:

100 percent!!!! Stop guilting other mothers! Especially when it’s a vulnerable time. I send out the little ones after I give birth to siblings they know well. Having a girl come in the afternoon wouldn’t work for me for many reasons. The kids were happy and it did NOT have any bad effect on them. My sils send their toddlers to a sitter for a few days after they give birth. It’s the same sitter they use when they work so the kid knows the sitter well. Stop judging. Do what works for you and move on.

My friend went to a simcha overseas for a week. She left her extremely active toddler by a week with a sitter. She sent him there daily for 1-2 hours first so he will know the place. It had no effect on him at all.

amother

Maroon

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 10:28 am

amother wrote:

Do you work? Drop off your newborn baby, toddler by a babysitter????? How can A MOTHER SEND HER CHILD TO A COMPLETE STRANGER???? Are you serious? Your abandoning your children!!!!! And you do this everyday!!!! For gods sake...what is wrong with you...a mother's place is home!!!

Do not mix up daycare and overnight care.
Overnight care is a whole 'nother ball of wax.
Toddlers who are being put to bed in a strange house with a strange lady for an undetermined amount of time will feel abandoned. You know he's coming back, the strange lady knows he's going back, but toddlers have little sense of time and do not understand the concept of "temporary." They may not understand they are going to go back home. They will feel this new arrangement is the new normal and it can be devastating to be thrust in that situation abruptly.
I don't care how many people do or who thinks it's totally fine. I know people who have smoked for many years and turns out they didn't get cancer. But I still don't listen to their recommendation that it's ok to smoke because we don't see any obvious damage.
And how do you know "the kids are fine?" There could be damage you do not see.
To circle back to the mother I quoted, sending to a babysitter DURING THE DAY is not comparable to sending him to sleep at someone's house (for multiple nights, at that).

amother

Mauve

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 10:54 am

In this lovely big world that we live in, no where else , in the civilized world, other than by the chassidish community is it acceptable to abandon toddlers by total strangers. Why is this ok? I genuinely cannot understand . They are not the only ones that have large families, yet they seem to be the only ones that do this. Please explain.

PinkFridge

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:13 am

amother wrote:

I'm not going to go there. Let's assume it's a thing and that it works for them. I'm just puzzled that OP doesn't have the network to get the info she needs without resorting to this forum.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:15 am

Amother mauve, We've got your message loud and clear, you are the best most normal mom that doesnt move without her kids. And apparently a mom that deosnt do like you isn't normal & isn't a good mom. Kudos to you.
But let me assure you, no one abandons their child. We do what needs to be done in the situation. Sometimes it's the only option!! So stop talking, you never know what your life will bring you.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:22 am

amother wrote:

I will not stop talking. I'm free to ask question. If you don't like my questions, feel free to ignore me. If you're feeling guilty, don't shoot the messenger Wink

anon for this

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:23 am

amother wrote:

amother pumpkin, you wrote in an earlier post that never sending a child away overnight will cause "issues" for the child later in life. I asked what you meant by that, and I'm still curious. Did you mean that never sending a child away itself is somehow harmful to the child? Did you mean that keeping a child home when the parents are completely unable to care for the child is harmful? I would appreciate if you'd clarify. Thanks.

amother

Brunette

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:24 am

amother wrote:

Ilowitz 718-972-0151. She is great

I know Mrs Illowitz very well too. She's an exceptionally warm and loving person. Very giving.

We used to be neighbors for many years (afew houses apart) and I would marvel at how wonderfully she treated the children with such loving motherly care.

I would trust her with my kids and grandkids anytime 100%.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:27 am

amother wrote:

Amother mauve, no I dont feel guilty. I'm fine with my choices. But you are making everyone feel as if they're the worst moms & edoing the worst for their kids.

Well then please explain to me why only in the chassidish world is this done. I'm sorry, I don't get it. Perhaps if you'd take the time to explain, I'd hear your point!

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:28 am

Anon for this, I'll explain what I meant. If a mom gets so hysterical at the thought of sending a child to a sitter & never sends for a while, and when the child is much older and a situation comes up where the child must spend a night away from home, the child will have a much harder time adjusting & might even be traumatized because the child was never away.
If a child was never away for a night & goes to camp for the summer when older, he'll probably have a much harder time adjusting than the average kid.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:31 am

Amother mauve, now you're asking respectfully instead of bashing, theres a big difference.
It's by the litvish/yeshivish just as much. (At least in my community.) My litvish next door neighbor is an overnight babysitter & theres always kids by her. Shes very popular & very busy.
We do it because we value our sanity and we know that in the long run this is what's best for our child. We also know that a women needs time to recuperate post birth & it's not ok for her to go home from the hospital to a house full of kids and run herself ragged to the point of collapse.
In the chassidish world most men work long hours & are not available to help when needed. Kollel men tend to have more flexibale schedules & can be more of help.
Trust me, sending to a sitter is a decision that's thought through and no one deserves to be called a bad mother for this.

flowerpower

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:33 am

amother wrote:

Different strokes different folks. Don’t understand and move on.

keym

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:35 am

anon for this wrote:

Not that poster so don't know what she meant.
But I feel that a mother who develops such a strong "shita" of constantly keeping her kids around can 1)get in the way of a child's natural curiosity and social desire 2) put a tremendous amount of pressure on herself to handle things (like taking care of a toddler) when physically or emotionally its a mistake. And such a mother may not ask for help because she's the only one who care for her children properly.