Overnight Babysitter- Boro Park

flowerpower

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 3:13 pm

moonstone wrote:

OMG, if you can't handle a newborn along with your other kids, then maybe the solution is to have fewer children-- not to send one or more out of their own home because they're in the way and you want your life to be easier. When you have kids, it's not all about what's best for you anymore, I thought most normal mothers understood that. Of course its not easy with a newborn and older kids, but I would never have even considered sending any of my other kids away for those first few weeks. The very idea horrifies me.

I never knew about this bizarre practice until I read about it on imamother, and I honestly find it disgusting. Your newborn needs your attention? So do your other kids-- now more than ever. There's a new baby in the house, everything's topsy turvy- you don't think your other kids need stability and consistency AND THEIR PARENTS at this crazy time? Being shunted off somewhere is the last thing they need. Bad enough if it's to someone they know, but to A STRANGER??? That is just breathtakingly cruel. You can try to rationalize this disgusting practice all you want, but it's just terrible parenting, plain and simple.

I believe that giving birth is a major adjustment to the body and the person emotionally. Ppd stems from over- exhaustion many times. Thankfully you are a very strong person and giving birth does nothing to you in any way. Count your blessings. There are not many like you out there.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 3:13 pm

Just as a by the way, I'm from the older kids of a large family. I have very pleasant memories of my siblings births. We where told beforehand that we'll be going away & we each got a nice big gift from the "baby". We where so excited, we got so much attention!!!! The birth of a new sibling is very exciting, it's not traumatic or confusing at all.

Maya

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 3:27 pm

oliveoil wrote:

This is just plain not true.

a) kids absolutely can end up with attachment issues from being abandoned to a stranger for a week or two.

b) plenty of mothers care for toddlers and newborns without it being a "guaranteed disaster." but most of all, why is that the only other option. Sending to an overnight babysitter is costly. Use that same money to have extra help around the house so that you can keep the new baby and the "old" baby with you.

I agree that a lot of children end up with some attachment issues from being sent away from the mother, and I’ve heard many mothers describing how their toddlers wouldn’t let go of them for days after coming back home. But, on average, I haven’t found those issues to be total or lasting.

I totally agree about the money. A nighttime aid or nurse costs approximately the same as an overnight babysitter, and the aid can care for all children in the family.
I think the reason why people take it so lightly is because it’s so accepted in the community, to the point where a mother who doesn’t send her children away after a birth is questioned as to why. I remember having to give my reasons to so many people who couldn’t understand my decision to keep my 5 year old home with me.

That being said, I’m not against babysitters at all, and actually use them more frequently than average, even for overnight. But not for weeks on end unless it’s someone the child knows from before.

naturalmom5

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 3:30 pm

Maya wrote:

Unless... your husb is in collel and you have to go back to work ..4 weeks PP..

Cmon.. Maya... priorities... Smile

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 3:55 pm

moonstone wrote:

Wow.
This post is unbelievable.
Do you really believe that this mother doesn't love her child just like you love your child?
You don't understand her decision? That's ok. That doesn't mean you need to litteraly strangle her to take on your belief.

There are different kinds of people. Different ways. If people would learn to live and let live you'd save yourself some stress.

And if you really are concerned about this poor child, I can assure that your self righteous angry rants will do nothing to help this child. Perhaps gently suggesting may help.

moonstone

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 4:13 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Oh yes, that's exactly what I said, that giving birth never affected me in any way. Right. Rolling Eyes

I'm all for new mothers getting help. My mother came to help me and I really appreciated it. My husband was also amazing. I think having a babysitter or night nurse in your home is a great idea. Yes, giving birth is hard physically and emotionally. But what has that got to do with sending a toddler from his home? I will never agree that sending your kids away is right. Even if I didn't have anyone to help me, I wouldn't have done that. You can all go ahead and keep bashing me if it'll make you feel less guilty about your parenting choices.

flowerpower

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 4:21 pm

moonstone wrote:

Oh yes, that's exactly what I said, that giving birth never affected me in any way. Right. Rolling Eyes

I feel zero guilt. My kids love having sleepovers at their cousins. They ask for it throughout the year and I have kids come here many times for shabbosim or because their parents went on vacation. Glad your mother worked for you. But I don’t need a mother or mother in law taking over my territory. Not for my nerves. I don’t go for nurses either. Don’t need extra people in my house. I need my privacy. My husband can’t take off from work and he isn’t a big help in the mornings or nights so that Option is out as well. Count your blessings that your dh is a big help. Do you seriously think that my toddler would be okay with a strange girl coming to my house and caring for her/ him when I am home??? The toddler will only cry for me. And the toddler will want only me to hold her and bathe her and put her to sleep. So that is why I keep saying to each their own!!! What works for you is good! What works for others is also good.

amother

Azure

Wed, Oct 10 2018, 7:51 pm

amother wrote:

Do you work? Drop off your newborn baby, toddler by a babysitter????? How can A MOTHER SEND HER CHILD TO A COMPLETE STRANGER???? Are you serious? Your abandoning your children!!!!! And you do this everyday!!!! For gods sake...what is wrong with you...a mother's place is home!!!

It’s very diff when it’s for a few hours a day and becomes routine. Can’t begin to compare