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Parents insisting on choosing my baby's name
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amother




Sapphire


Post  Wed, Oct 10 2018, 7:52 pm
amother wrote:
It's funny you said that, because I gave my dd a name I don't really like and I think it was my ruach hakodesh that made me choose it.. It took me a few days to pick a name, because I really didn't want to use that one, but I kept coming back to it. It just seemed like it was supposed to be her name. Eventually I gave in and named her that. she's in her 20s and I still don't like it, but I never feel like I made a mistake.


How funny, I had the same experience. One of my kids has a name I'm not crazy about but it's the name of many pivotal people on both sides of the family. It's the right name, even though it doesn't appeal to me on an esthetic level.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Wed, Oct 10 2018, 7:59 pm
Thank you for all your ideas. I do not get any money from my parents and I never told them that I will name my child after the name that they choose. They just think that it is their right as the grandparents to choose the name. Yes , they are the controlling type of people. I think the night before naming the baby, I will let them politely know the name that I will choose. I am preparing myself to all their fake tears and real screaming. ..
It it just so sad for me that this time could be a time of joy and instead they are choosing to make it into a time of pain.
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Wed, Oct 10 2018, 8:45 pm
amother wrote:
Thank you for all your ideas. I do not get any money from my parents and I never told them that I will name my child after the name that they choose. They just think that it is their right as the grandparents to choose the name. Yes , they are the controlling type of people. I think the night before naming the baby, I will let them politely know the name that I will choose. I am preparing myself to all their fake tears and real screaming. ..
It it just so sad for me that this time could be a time of joy and instead they are choosing to make it into a time of pain.


I feel for you!
My mother and grandmother were upset that I didn't name my baby after a specific relative. it made me so upset, and I decided bli neder I won't choose any names from their side in the future because they won't be happy unless I use a specific relative's name (that I don't care for for various reasons).
It's frustrating to have to deal with immature or unhealthy people at such an overwhelming, emotional time. Kol hakavod to you for keeping calm.
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amother




Purple


Post  Wed, Oct 10 2018, 9:22 pm
amother wrote:
I did likewise, it worked really well.

Also, there's a Sefer out there that states that a mother should have the final say as to what to name the child since she gets a special intuition of what name fits the particular child. If I recall correctly, the Sefer spells out that the parents should be the ones choosing a name for the baby, and if there are any disagreements between the father and mother, the mother should get the final call. I wish I can remember the name of that sefer, but I'm coming up empty at the moment.


I wish you knew the name of this Sefer my husband and I are in a disagreement about what to name this baby if it’s a girl. His grandmother passed away and he really wants to use the name. I HATE the name he has always known this even when she was alive. I told him to go talk to his rav and tell him I hate the name his rav was like well u won’t call the child by the name you will use a nickname so what does it matter. I am at my wits end cause I seriously don’t like the name and will not use it
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simba









  


Post  Wed, Oct 10 2018, 9:38 pm
amother wrote:
Thank you for all your ideas. I do not get any money from my parents and I never told them that I will name my child after the name that they choose. They just think that it is their right as the grandparents to choose the name. Yes , they are the controlling type of people. I think the night before naming the baby, I will let them politely know the name that I will choose. I am preparing myself to all their fake tears and real screaming. ..
It it just so sad for me that this time could be a time of joy and instead they are choosing to make it into a time of pain.



My advice. Dont wait until your are PP to break the news to them. It's a hard time as it is. Tell them now, (or a few weeks before you give birth) that your will be choosing a name with dh and hope they can accept whatever it is you choose. Let them kick and scream now.. hopefully their drama will lose its appeal by the time you actually name the baby.
Good Luck!
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amother




Cerise


Post  Wed, Oct 10 2018, 9:40 pm
amother wrote:
Thank you for all your ideas. I do not get any money from my parents and I never told them that I will name my child after the name that they choose. They just think that it is their right as the grandparents to choose the name. Yes , they are the controlling type of people. I think the night before naming the baby, I will let them politely know the name that I will choose. I am preparing myself to all their fake tears and real screaming. ..
It it just so sad for me that this time could be a time of joy and instead they are choosing to make it into a time of pain.

ahhh - don't do it- don't tell them before- it will just ruin your night. They will argue with you and try to change your mind. Right after the baby is named, just go over and give your mom a hug and say mazel tov and keep giving out hugs and mazel tov wishes and thank yous and don't let them even start.
They had their chance to name their children(you have aname right..) now its your turn.
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amother




Yellow


Post  Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:57 pm
Before my daughters kiddish my mil asked me what I'm planning to give cause she choose a name for me I told her in my family we have a minheg not to say what the baby's name will be before the kiddush its a segulah to shulem. She laughed and put down the phone. Did you ever see a segilah working so instantly Very Happy
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Ruchel









  


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 12:19 pm
Cultural and generational. If you don't agree, tell them quickly so. You can use a second or third name to please them. It will be hard to swallow for some of them who followed the rules to a t but they'll get used to it Smile ply them with baby pic lol
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amother




Scarlet


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 12:26 pm
amother wrote:
ahhh - don't do it- don't tell them before- it will just ruin your night. They will argue with you and try to change your mind. Right after the baby is named, just go over and give your mom a hug and say mazel tov and keep giving out hugs and mazel tov wishes and thank yous and don't let them even start.
They had their chance to name their children(you have aname right..) now its your turn.


Honestly if they think it’s stealing, I wouldn’t tell them at all. Who wants to deal with parents possibly naming your baby behind your back. The baby doesn’t have to be present to name a girl.
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amother




Forestgreen


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 12:33 pm
amother wrote:
Honestly if they think it’s stealing, I wouldn’t tell them at all. Who wants to deal with parents possibly naming your baby behind your back. The baby doesn’t have to be present to name a girl.


What does that mean? Are you saying the grandparents can name the child without the parents' consent??
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amother




White


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 1:27 pm
amother wrote:
Thank you for all your ideas. I do not get any money from my parents and I never told them that I will name my child after the name that they choose. They just think that it is their right as the grandparents to choose the name. Yes , they are the controlling type of people. I think the night before naming the baby, I will let them politely know the name that I will choose. I am preparing myself to all their fake tears and real screaming. ..
It it just so sad for me that this time could be a time of joy and instead they are choosing to make it into a time of pain.


I wouldn't even tell them the night before. I once made that mistake and it was not pretty. I ended up delaying to name her for almost a week because of their reaction. Since them, I don't say and they fisn out like everyone else. If they have an issue with it. TOUGH. I have told FIL straight out that it's my baby. I carried them all those months and if he wants to name a baby, he can have his own. He had his chance, and now it's ours.
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amother




Mint


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 4:51 pm
The best choice we made when dd was born was to tell no one the name (or any we considered) until she was named. We had no input from "helpful" relatives and nobody voiced any opposition because it was already her name and we were so happy she was born . It set a good precedent for our family.
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amother




Taupe


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 5:03 pm
amother wrote:
Honestly if they think it’s stealing, I wouldn’t tell them at all. Who wants to deal with parents possibly naming your baby behind your back. The baby doesn’t have to be present to name a girl.

Huh? Of course the baby girl doesn't have to present. she hardly ever is. But the parent is the one who has to say the name. You can't just name anyone's baby behind their back .
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amother




Slateblue


Post  Sun, Oct 14 2018, 4:42 pm
I can't believe how insistent my mother was this time in naming after my father's mother who died was I was young. I had a bunch of kids before this and she never said anything about her. She suggested it early on this time and I told her straight out we would have to think about the name very hard as it was quite a miraculous pregnancy and we needed a lot of meaning in the name. There is someone already named after this grandmother. I really don't know why she was insistent. I didn't really know this grandmother well but from the few incidences I remember, I didn't like her very much and she was very critical with me at a vulnerable age. If I couldn't see middot I liked in her, how could I use her name? I couldn't even use her middle name as a middle name for my daughter if it invoked bad memories. I couldn't tell my mother this.

The name we picked is perfect for our child. It definitely came with a lot of ruach hakodesh. I told my parents the name the shabbos after birth and I am sure they are disappointed but they haven't caused a fight or anything. I think that would be a sign of dysfunction if they did. They are great parents, I have no complaints. Just strange that my mother was so insistent on something that obviously had to come from me. I felt badly making them disappointed, they really shouldn't have suggested a name to begin with. There are other children of theirs who can use the name anyway.
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Notsobusy









  


Post  Sun, Oct 14 2018, 6:21 pm
amother wrote:
I wish you knew the name of this Sefer my husband and I are in a disagreement about what to name this baby if it’s a girl. His grandmother passed away and he really wants to use the name. I HATE the name he has always known this even when she was alive. I told him to go talk to his rav and tell him I hate the name his rav was like well u won’t call the child by the name you will use a nickname so what does it matter. I am at my wits end cause I seriously don’t like the name and will not use it


YOU should speak to the rav and explain all this. Hopefully when he hears how much it bothers you he will have a different answer.
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