Homemade Bris | Imamother

amother

Taupe

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 10:34 pm

We are BH expecting another baby and trying to see if it's reasonable to cater our own bris if it's a boy.
By our last son we catered in a small shul for 100 people and it cost us about $1200 including renting of the shul.
Is it really that much work to get some paper goods, bagels, platters and drinks and do it in the house? I can bake cookies and cakes ahead of time also.
We are tight with money but if need to we would cater and not use a gemach.

southernbubby

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 10:41 pm

amother wrote:

Do you have a few friends who could help you set up? Remember you will have just given birth and the baby will need care too.

Are you able to inform fewer people or have the bris right after davening so that fewer people attend? 100 is a big crowd to cater if you are doing it yourself and you are recovering from childbirth.

I think that it is a good idea to bake ahead for the Shalom Zachor and bris but I think that you need to enlist other help in putting out platters or making egg salad and tuna.

In my mother's day, the mother of the baby stayed home in bed while the nurse took the baby to the bris. I think that there are some communities where the mother does not attend while recovering.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 11:40 pm

It's not unreasonable. Do u plan on having hot food? If not, perfectly fine to get platters and bagels and do it yourself.
By my oldest's bris my parents took care of it but we made a lot of it ourselves. I helped a lot too! We had such a fun time cooking it! We made potatoes/eggs. Made fillings for omelets and actually had someone make it there on a portable stove. We made platters/salads/fruit platters/tuna salad. Etc. Bought bagels and rolls and some spreads. We bought cheesecake and some pastries. We also had some cereals for the kids.

By my second one I catered it. It cost me almost 2k with the hall rental. I paid for food for 175 ppl about.

amother

Taupe

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 12:11 am

Op here
It would not be hot food, just simple bagels and bought spreads
100 people is basically our close family and a few friends
I can have a cleaning lady come clean up, but my husbands family would all quickly do it probably.
It will definitely be crowded in our home but I don't see how its that hard to put out some simple food, unless I'm missing something

Rachel Shira

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 12:51 am

We barely gave the bris a second’s thought till the baby was 4 days old because he was born right before Shabbos and it didn’t calm down enough till a few days later, and we weren’t sure it would be able to be on time anyway. By the time we started to plan, we made a snap decision to do it ourselves and it was 2 days of absolute insanity while my husband and a relative ran around shopping and cooking. We also prepared for 100 people and we did bagels, egg salad, tuna, lox, veggie platters, fruit platters, and cookie platters. It wasn’t at home though, and we had some friends helping set up and clean up.
We were so glad we didn’t pay for a caterer and it was totally worth it for us, next time we would just plan ahead better.

DrMom

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 1:31 am

amother wrote:

If you have room to feed 100 guests in your home and cleaning help, then go for it.

But have a "plan B" in mind just in case the birth is such that you will be very tired post-partum and need your home to be a quiet sanctuary.

amother

Yellow

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 2:38 am

amother wrote:

Wow. Is this really the norm? A mini wedding for a bris?

I don't know about the poster you quoted, but we had approximately the same number of people at our son's bris. It was a Sunday and people were able to travel more and a lot of them brought their kids. Between the two sides of family plus neighborhood people and our good friends from other places it all added up. It was also the first baby boy of DH's generation and probably the only bris we'll ever make for a variety of reasons, so we "invited" a lot of people.

OP, one of the nicest brisim I ever went to was extremely simple in terms of food, but it more than made up for any lack in simcha. My friend and her husband made a bris in their local shul and all they bought was some rolls and cookies and tuna and a couple of dips and drinks and that was that. No fancy paper goods or cakes or anything, and it was a beautiful simcha because everyone who came was just so happy to celebrate with them.

someone

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 2:59 am

I did this once. Bought nice rolls and nice cream cheeses and stuff. Made egg and tuna salad, etc. It was fine. But, I was originally planning to set it up myself and cut up veggies and stuff like that on the morning of and a friend convinced me the night before that I am nuts and that I should pay someone to do it. I am so grateful to her for that. Set up and clean up should not be on you, its hard enough getting yourself, the baby and other kids ready.

Raisin

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 6:01 am

I catered my own bris. If you have willing helpers to make egg salad and tuna salad no problem. Even if you have helpers a cleaning lady to finish off will enhance your day.

Get veggies that are easy to prep - eg cherry tomatoes, bagged lettuce, cucumber.
bagels and perhaps other rolls.
lox or other smoked fish.
cream cheese.
If you want to be fancy an assortment of cheeses like swiss, brie, chedder. (some people like to serve meat at a bris so you could do cold cuts instead of cheese)
juice and soft drinks. (do people serve alcohol at a brissim?)
Tea and coffee station.
whatever cakes and cookies you made. Or buy.
paper goods.

You could probably order most of what you need from a supermarket that delivers. Order bagels and rolls and any cakes you need from bakery to be delivered or picked up the morning of bris so they will be fresh.

heidi

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 6:51 am

Raisin wrote:

I catered my own bris. If you have willing helpers to make egg salad and tuna salad no problem. Even if you have helpers a cleaning lady to finish off will enhance your day.

.

I hate to rain on OP's parade, but I have been the "willing helper" at my friend's bris.
Quotes bcz. I felt put upon and abused even though she would never know that.
Somehow brises are not one of the things that people (at least in my community) "help" with, unlike shalom zachors or kiddushes where everyone is happy to bring a cake.
If you can swing bagels and cream cheeses and some mini tomatoes and cukes, go for it.
If not, cater it and invite fewer people.
Just my experience.

amother

Coral

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 7:27 am

I’ve made my simchos in my house. I’ve had 100 people. Those that I had time to bake before birth I had less to buy. Otherwise, my husband called the local bakery and ordered drinks, cake, rolls/bagels, cream cheese and lox.
My mom makes the tuna and egg salad. One of my aunts likes to make food for the simcha so she usually makes a salad or two. The night before my younger single sister sets up with my husband and prepares the cake platters. She comes in the morning with my moms friend (a party planner) who does it as a gift and finishes setting up the food. After the bris I have a cleaning lady come and clean up.

We’ve been very tight financially. It costs us less than $200 to make a bris at home.

watergirl

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 7:50 am

BH we've made a few brissim and we did them as budget friendly as possible because we paid for them ourselves (no parents help) and we were very strapped for cash. One of them fell out on a secular holiday weekend, so we did the bris an hour or so after shacharis at the rabbi's suggestion because we couldn't afford to feel the larger day-off-of-work crowd. We made another bris at a small shul thats normally never open unless someone requests use of the space, we made our own minyan and only informed a number of people (still had about 50 people - word spreads), but we just could not afford feeding people who would simply go shul hopping and daven wherever there was a bris to chop a bagel on the way to work (this was a different community than the first bris and bris hopping was a thing there. Gross.).

We made beautiful brissim but served basic fare. Bagels, cream cheese, a veg platter and I think mini muffins. No lox, no cheese - we couldn't afford it. And BH they were beautiful simchas.

OP, depending on how much you are willing to scale down, you can totally do it simply and within budget. See if you can find a place to hold it that wont charge you, which is what we did for ours. But either way, you will need to clean up. Do you have family who will help with cleaning? The places to save are the things that get thrown out like paper goods.

watergirl

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 7:52 am

heidi wrote:

That's so weird. Why is that, do you think? If anything, I would think that the bris is when help is needed more. Shalom zachar is a nice minhag and there is no reason to have it on as large a scale as is commonly done. A bris is a different matter altogether and with the costs of a mohel and food, this would be the time that help is needed more than ever. And even if its not "done" in your community to help at a bris, why is that a reason not to help anyways?

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 8:03 am

amother wrote:

Wow. Is this really the norm? A mini wedding for a bris?

I am the poster who wrote this. My son's bris was two months late because he was yellow. It ended up being on a Sunday and lots of ppl cane with their families. We only had one day to plan it. My family alone, meaning my side is about 100 ppl.( I have 13 aunt's and uncle's who live within a mile of me) Dh is one of 11 children all with big families. We probably had more ppl than that as we ran out of food and the caterer had more brought.
I knew it would cost a lot but I have been to brisses with nothing I would touch to eat and I felt I should have something ppl would eat. I also had China plates and regular tablecloths not plastic. My (immediate) family have some food restrictions so I made sure to include that. I am very happy with what I did.

DVOM

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 9:40 am

I have four boys. With every one, we seriously considered doing the bris ourselves, and with every one the plan fell apart after I'd given birth. I love the idea of it, but in reality, I'm a mess after I have a baby, and it's really not feasible for me. I'd only consider it if you have a lot of help. And as I said, even with a lot of help, I've never actually been able to pull it off. That's not to say that you wouldn't be able to, but that's been my experience.

southernbubby

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 9:46 am

DVOM wrote:

I agree with this. I feel that the rest and care that a mother gets after giving birth could affect her for months or even years and she should not deprive herself of that needed rest. She should not push herself to entertain or host. She should be pampered and realize that whatever her finances are, she is worthy of rest during this special time.

This may mean that she has to make a smaller affair or ask friends and relatives to help but she should take her health and rest seriously. Listen ladies, we must value ourselves and our bodies so that when we give to our children and others, we can truly give of ourselves without feeling like martyrs.