Bar Mitzvah Cost - Lakewood

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 2:41 pm

catered event price depends on caterer. ..Cheapest is simcha caterer in Bnos Brocha hall. It gets booked fast due to cheap price. Invitations arent that much. Probably around $150. Band depends on who u hire. Somebody really good can be 4 to 500 dollars otherwise u can find cheaper.

amother

Papaya

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 2:50 pm

we just made a bar mitzvah in lakewood
It's expensive... everything adds up quickly
I'm assuming that we must have spent over $8,000 including clothing for the bar mitzvah boy, hats, tefillin, clothing for the rest of the family, tailoring ...I had my makeup done, my big girls had their hair done
You could definitely find a good musician for $250-$300
there's also the kiddush on shabbos which I didn't include and that's probably another $1,000 at least
If you have $10,000 set aside you will be able to plan, spend ...
I didn't think it would be that much. I figured around $4,500 in total but reality is different.

rachelmom1

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 4:07 pm

Yikess!!

I didn't count tefillin was counting on garndparents paying for a large portion. Everything else adds up I guess...

amother wrote:

amother

Linen

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 5:00 pm

Yeah we did this under a year ago. Spent close to $20k I think.
That included clothing for everyone, wig, shabbos meals partially catered, evening affair , band , invitations and benchers and stamps were closer to $500. Photographer included album, video and pics $2300. Hair and makeup like $500. Centerpieces. School bar mitzvah for his class $250.

Obviously there are ways to go much simpler.

Enjoy this time of preparation! It's the only big simcha you make without mechutanim!

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 5:29 pm

My sons bar mitzva is in 7 months in Lakewood This is what I know so far:

Tefillin 1300
Leining lessons 800
Shabbos Hall: free
No band because no music allowed then

To figure out;
Invitations
Photographer - will use a friend starting out
Tallis and teffilin bag (Tallis he is wearing already so save on that bow)
Weekday hall and caterer
Shabbos kiddush (in our neighborhood it’s very low key bH)
3 Small Shabbos meals (for oot guests)
Hostess gifts
Oot guest packages
Benchers
(We are skipping the school party. Many boys do if making weekday event with cousins)

For bar mitzva boy:
2 hats
White shirts
Blazer
New suit (will get for Yom Tov so not really extra)

Myself and Daughters:
Dresses (hope to get something nice for Yom Tov and use it then)

I definetly want to try to keep costs low.

Thanks for the information about Bnos bracha. I wasn’t sure were to start. I’ll try them first.

rachelmom1

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 5:32 pm

Don't know much about the mechutanim that's way off. Still wondering if a budget of 5k can cover all the evening costs.

amother wrote:

Notsobusy

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 7:19 pm

amother wrote:

$20,000 is on the higher end.

We used a photographer for under $200. He wasn't amazing and he didn't print pictures, he gave us a cd and we ordered what we wanted online. Musician was also under $200, not the best, but good enough for us.

Clothing, hair and makeup etc, that all depends on how many kids you have. Obviously if you have 10 kids it will cost more than if you have 5 kids. It also depends on how you like to spend. If you go to Ladida for all your kids clothing, it will cost hundreds more than if you go to Clover.

You don't need centerpieces. Or if you're creative you can make nice ones yourself for very cheap. Invitations, you can go higher end or lower end. A lot of people do just a post card. You can also have your kids deliver to your neighbors so you save on stamps.

I think the cheapest caterers are Simcha and Green's Exquisite. It doesn't hurt to call them now for a quick quote, I'm sure they would be happy to give you a basic idea of what it would cost.

There are so many ways to save and so many ways to spend, it's up to you to figure out what's important to you and where you want to save.

DVOM

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 10:55 am

Wow. These numbers are frightening!

We have a few years still until our bar mitzvahs, but we're hoping to spend quite a bit less than 10-20k.

It's interesting for me to see what sort of parties are done in Lakewood though. What's standard? An evening party for family and friends, a shabbos kiddush plus shabbos meals for out of town guests, and something in school for the friends? Am I missing anything?

rachelmom1

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 11:06 am

Hope this doesn't derail the thread. Lakewood in the subject line used to define a lifestyle now it defines a geographic area. My post was for inquiring aboout "Lakewood the lifestyle".

DVOM wrote:

amother

Papaya

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 11:34 am

rachelmom1 wrote:

Hope this doesn't derail the thread. Lakewood in the subject line used to define a lifestyle now it defines a geographic area. My post was for inquiring aboout "Lakewood the lifestyle".

Honestly, there are all types and styles in Lakewood. Lately I’ve noticed that people appreciate events to look a little nicer, they might higher a party planner or spend on extras to get that look of ambiance. Of course it’s not necessary! For example, if you have a caterer they often have tablecloths/ simple cloth ones which are totally fine. These days people are renting tablecloths to make the event look nicer. It costs more but is not necessary. You can serve on China or plastic plates, you don’t need fresh flowers..., everyone will do what they feel is important to them. At the end of the night, even if you spent the bare minimum (paper goods, plastic silverware, no music...) it will still be beautiful because it’s a simcha. Everyone has their own standards. Anything goes in Lakewood... really. There shouldn’t be any pressure.

Mommyg8

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 11:40 am

DVOM wrote:

Not everyone does all three. I've seen different variations. People do what works for them, but almost everyone I know has done a shabbos kiddush. You can make it as big or as small as you want, though I think different neighborhoods might have different standards.

DVOM

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 11:50 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

Hi Mommyg8! Glad you joined the conversation... I've come to think of you as my 'Lakewood guru' LOL

I don't know why I'm thinking about this already (got a few years to go until the first bar mitzva hits!) but I am, so here goes:

First, what's a 'friends party?' I'm hearing people who are also throwing a 'friends party' in addition, or instead of the evening event. Second, are there people who do shabbos lunch as thier 'event' and not throw a weeknight party at all? That's how I remember my brothers' bar mitzvas. Or could the shabbos kiddush be your event? And third, what sort of thing is done in school? My oldest was born in august, so there is no school. I'm wondering what summer birthday boys do?

Thanks!

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 11:51 am

Wow, this sounds overwhelming, but wen we make our sons bar mitzva, I'd probably not feel so "simchadik" if we spend that much. I'll cut down on......

I'm wondering wat is halachically required bec I thought its the seuda on that day, so ill ask a rav and if so, ill not do the shabbos which saves a lot of money and stress. I'll enjoy a small simple event much more due to saving money that we need for other essential expenses, like braces for bm boy ....

So, like others say, it depends how simple u want to make it and wat u want to include, are u doing shabbos too? Hosting relatives for shabbos? Leining? ....

Mommyg8

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 11:59 am

DVOM wrote:

Hi Mommyg8! Glad you joined the conversation... I've come to think of you as my 'Lakewood guru' LOL

Many schools have a rule that the friends cannot come to a night affair. To make this rule more palatable for the parents, they often offer a party in yeshiva with all the arrangements done by the yeshiva. We found this to be really quite reasonably priced and we got a lot of bang for our buck, as they say. All my boys' yeshiva parties were absolutely beautiful and we were very happy with this option. But again, this depends on the school.

If your son was born in August and yeshiva did not yet start then I guess you won't have this option.

Many people I know have done just a kiddush, and it's totally fine. At least in my circles.

Hope I answered your questions!

amother

Mint

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 12:01 pm

The only thing halachically required is that the boy gets an Aliyah and makes the bracha. That's it, really!!! (And even that isn't technically required, his status automatically changed once he turns 13.)
The rest is just how customs/celebrations have developed through the years.