Toot your own horn!

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 11:36 pm

just wanted to come on and thank those who wrote about going to sleep with the house clean/neat... it's a dream of mine, I do crave it, but I just get so tierd once everyone is asleep that I just can't get myself to start picking things up and washing dishes... BUT tonight as I was sitting being lazy (or relaxing, if you'd like to put a positive spin on the term Smile

I read this thread and it really inspired me to get up and go straighten up!

and I did! my kitchen now has a nice lemon smell from the clean counters, table, sinks and stove top, the floor was swept, coats were hung up, the toys were returned from random places to the playroom.. so thank you for inspiration!! (I know that wasn't the point of this thread!)

will I do it every night? probably not.. but at least for tonight I give myself a big pat on the back

Tzutzie

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 11:50 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Unfortunately, I have nothing to add to this thread.

You're sure?
Cuz my house isn't clean before I go to bed.
More times I don't manage to convince my kids to brush their teeth than the time I do.... And I don't do fancy breakfasts. Or any breakfast (they eat at school) I just make sure they drink and give them a cracker/pretzel/cookie to nibble on while we wait for the bus. They are last to be picked up and breakfast is as soon as they walk into school.....

What I am proud of, and I'm guessing you and all the others like me and you, is that I do things that work for my family! Even though it is totally unpopular.

Like, I get up and wake up my kids the absolute last minute.
Because the more time my kids have in the am, (they both don't do mornings too well....) the more they bicker and fight. The longer it takes to gets dressed. And then they end up going to school I a bad mood.
I set the alarm to ring every 5 minutes. So when it rings first, you need to be dressed, 5 minutes later, bathroomed and teeth. Then it's hair, shoes, coat and hat, mitzvah note or whatever needs to be done and wait by the door..... Quick And upbeat.
15 minutes and we're ready. And everyone starts their day happy! And goes off to school skipping towards the bus!!!
At night I'm ZONKED. I don't do dishes, even leave stuff on the table or anywhere. I clean up after the bus. It's first beds, then living area then kitchen. Then I start my day. Cleaning up in the morning also gives me a sense of accomplishment and good momentum for the day.

I'm proud of myself for doing what works die my family. Even though it isn't the popular choice.

amother

Oak

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 11:52 pm

Going through a separation now and in a lot of pain but taking good care of myself so I can be happy and calm for the kids.
I make Shabbos meals extra fun and meaningful and try to give them the best possible life under the circumstances.
I spend private time with each of them almost every night, take them on 1:1 dates with me every now and then, and try to find creative ways to bring up stuff that would help them feel comfortable opening up to me about their feelings on our current situation. I validate and hold them tight all while keeping my cool despite my turmoil inside.
I put them all in therapy.
I give them lots of specific praise.
Wow it feels good to reflect on all this. Normally just telling myself what I still need to do and not feeling good about what I already do.

happyone

Thu, Nov 01 2018, 12:04 am

I'm going to be honest. I'm really good at taking the help I need. Cleaning and cooking are not what I do best. I save my energy and time for things that a 10 dollar domestic help gal cannot contribute to my home.

So yes, my tooting in this area is taking the help I need to make it happen so my house and home can be spotless and pleasant leaving me the time and energy to make an effort to be the best mother , wife and shared breadwinner when I am able.

A_Mother_First

Thu, Nov 01 2018, 12:14 am

amother wrote:

May Hashem give you strength during this difficult time. You are a good mother. Please continue taking good care of yourself.

amother

Green

Thu, Nov 01 2018, 3:13 am

I grew up in with abuse and I work, no fight, each day to do things differently for my family.
I am in therapy.
I love my kids and tell it to them. I try really really hard to see them, even though nobody ever saw me.
I apologize when I wrong them.
Thats my horn.
The rest is commentary

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Nov 01 2018, 10:22 am

Funnily enough, my toot is that I don't clean so much anymore. I was wearing myself out with it. I don't clean the kitchen at night. Sometimes we tidy at night, sometimes not. So the amazing thing I have done is stop making a spotless house a priority. My kids have told me they are much happier and that they used to HATE Fridays. Letting go of that has been one of my greatest accomplishments in the last 5 years. And surprisingly, the house really is mostly clean most of the time. It just happens when I can without the daily pressure. (FWIW, I'm also not as young as I used to be and my energy level dwindles with each passing year...)

bigsis144

Thu, Nov 01 2018, 11:24 am

I’m putting past accomplishments, since I’m 36 weeks pregnant now and everything is chaos but I can still give myself credit for old stuff, right?

—

My husband works long hours far from home or kosher takeout and I make it a priority to have delicious, healthy, and interesting meals (breakfast, lunch and snacks) for him to take every day. Pesto-feta pasta, tofu stir fry, muffins and popovers, homemade pizza, pumpkin pancakes, banana bread.... even when I don’t have koach to cook, I remember his favorite foods (almond butter, Greek yogurt, etc) and keep them in stock.

I am extremely disorganized both by nature an upbringing (my mother is overflowing with love and patience, but we had no routines for bedtime or meals and she’s also a hoarder and my house was/is a disaster). It has taken YEARS of effort and therapy and a few months with a personal organizer, but I actually get my kids into bed by 8:30pm instead of 11 now.

I consider it a huge mental accomplishment that I haven’t given up, and I’d rather “get half credit” and do SOMETHING than expect perfection from myself and give up out of sheer overwhelm like I did for a long, long time.

If I can’t have wiped down the counter and mopped the floors, at least I’ll wash the dishes.

If I can't wash the dishes, at least I’ll make sure there are no dirty dishes left on the dining room table - at least they’re in the sink or in the kitchen.

If I can’t clear the table, at least I’ll be kind to myself and not take out my negative self-image on my kids by yelling at them, etc.

cozyblanket

Thu, Nov 01 2018, 1:39 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Unfortunately, I have nothing to add to this thread.

I feel like that too. I wish I could claim some of these things. A calm morning or nighttime routine would be wonderful.

Let's see. My kids usually have clean clothes to wear. I didn't say the clean clothes were always put away or in style! I really wish I could be consistent about more than that. I often have healthy food for them to eat, but not as often as I would like!

Thu, Nov 01 2018, 2:13 pm

We eat healthy, homemade (usually) meals every day. We eat dinner together every night, though occasionally somebody isn't home. Dinner might take less than 10 minutes, but we are in the same place at the same time eating the same food--a win!

I straighten up the house every night, but this has gotten harder as the kids have gotten older and I don't have any quiet time at night anymore.

If I have dishes left, though, I put them in a dishpan or pot full of warm, soapy water and cover it--with a lid, with a towel, with a cutting board and leave that on the counter overnight. That was the sink and counters are basically clear and the dishes are soaking.

If there's a lot of stuff in the living room and elsewhere that I don't put away, I gather all of htat into a laundry basket overnight so the house is pretty much clear and in the AM I can shlep the basket through the house, putting things in their spot as I go.

It does me a world of good to have the house straightened up befoer I go to bed and this lets me do that even if I don't get as far as actually doing all the chores.

Metukah

Thu, Nov 01 2018, 3:13 pm

I'm feeling inadequate ;-(

I try to think of myself as a great mother and wife but here and now I can't think of anything.

My kids and always have clean, yummy smelling clothes.

I try to make a fresh bread (bread machine) for breakfast cos my kids really love it.

I try to have a hot fresh home cooked supper for the family every day. (when I don't, they don't starve don't worry)

I always always have homemade Challah, even shabbos hagodol (if it isn't the day before pesach).

I try really hard to send dh a homemade packed lunch every day, even though mornings are hectic.

I try to make sure house is clean at all times (even though I work full time and currently have no cleaning help), it is not only important for me but for dh and kids as well.

I hug and kiss my kids every day and tell them how much I love them. They know I mean it even though I often lose my cool.

I rarely ever cook foods that only I like. I only cook what dh and/or kids like.

My family come before my job. Always.

Neh. I tried. I really did. Nothing on this list has made me feel better about myself. Too much trying, less of the doing.