What age did it get too difficult to host guests (nonfamily)

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At what age did it get too difficult to host guests (not family) for shabbos?

When I had my first child

43%

[ 19 ]

When I had more than 5 kids

34%

[ 15 ]

When I had more than 10 kids

[ 1 ]

40-45

[ 3 ]

46-50

[ 0 ]

51-55

[ 1 ]

56-60

[ 0 ]

61-65

[ 2 ]

66-70

[ 1 ]

71-75

[ 1 ]

76-80

[ 0 ]

above 80

[ 1 ]

Total Votes : 44

amother

Orchid

Fri, Nov 02 2018, 5:35 pm

At what age did it get too difficult to host guests (not family) for shabbos? As in hosting meals, without having someone help with prepping, cooking, without buying takeout.

amother

Brunette

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 8:18 pm

When the guests family size got more than 2-4 children.

amother

Orchid

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 8:46 pm

amother wrote:

When the guests family size got more than 2-4 children.

Let's say the minimum number of guests- a couple or single or widow (1-2 people)?

pesek zman

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 8:56 pm

I don’t understand the question

amother

Wine

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 9:05 pm

Once all the kids were married. I can't really host unless I have one of my kids here to help. I am too likely to be indisposed or just not up to serving the next course so I must have backup. Occasionally I've had a couple of grandkids for a meal to help serve.

amother

Lilac

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 9:15 pm

When I had no guest room. When my kids made sitting at the table close to impossible.

What is hosting? Is it providing a room for people so they can attend a simcha, meaning no meals or entertaining? That's easier.

amother

Orchid

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 9:18 pm

pesek zman wrote:

I don’t understand the question

At what age was it physically too taxing on you to host guests. I should clarify that I mean hosting for meals not necessarily for sleep, without help prepping or cooking for the meals.

bigsis144

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 9:42 pm

When my 2 kids and their issues became too much to handle along with guests. Our meals when it’s just us barely last half an hour; there there is no way to have a pleasant, polite, leisurely meal that puts guests at ease. My husband is also not super talkative (he’s kinda Aspergers-y), so the pressure to be socially “on” the entire time is hard too.

I’ve tried a few times to host meals with other families with children, and it’s a disaster (play dates for my kids are always at a park or public place where I’m present the entire time, there are no individual toys to fight over, and we can make a quick exit when necessary).

It’s lonely sometimes, but I gotta do what works for us right now.

amother

Bisque

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 9:56 pm

amother wrote:

At what age was it physically too taxing on you to host guests. I should clarify that I mean hosting for meals not necessarily for sleep, without help prepping or cooking for the meals.

I also don’t understand. Do you mean help from dh?

doctorima

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 9:57 pm

At first I assumed you were asking about sleeping guests, which we usually try to avoid because of little kids and other factors. But just to have a couple for a Shabbos meal? That's not so much more work than making the meal I'd anyway be making for the rest of my family, and serving's not so complicated.

If anything, polite guests often help with serving and clearing and make that easier than when they're not here. As long as they're normal people with realistic expectations and everybody in my family is healthy, why shouldn't I be able to do a little hachnasas orchim?

amother

Orchid

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 10:07 pm

amother wrote:

I also don’t understand. Do you mean help from dh?

Physically too much to cook, prep for guests without help from dh (or cleaning lady) with actual cooking or prepping or washing dishes.

amother

Babyblue

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 11:16 pm

I’m an empty nester in my early 60s, work full time outside the home, no hired help but a dh who helps a lot. I’m in decent health B”H although the aches and pains remind me that I’m not sixteen any more. As long as we had kids at home I hosted quite often. If you’re doing for five or six you can do for seven or eight without much more effort (assuming you can afford the expense), really no big deal.

But now I have no cheshek for guests because having even one guest seems like so much more work than doing for just dh and me. Physically I’m quite capable of having guests but mentally less willing, though I enjoy guests when I do get off my tuffet and invite them.

Overnight is different. I have a bad back and am not supposed to bend, so making beds is hard on me. I have to do this when our kids come over, but I want them to come, so I do it. Who wants to tell a pregnant dil she’s going to have to make her own bed? At some point I’ll probably have to tell them to make their own beds but I’m putting off that evil day as long as possible.

I definitely feel guilty about not hosting very often. There are lots of people around, widowed or never married, elderly people and so on, who would appreciate an invitation.

Emotional

Sat, Nov 03 2018, 11:53 pm

I think it depends more on the guests and their personalities and needs.

amother

Wine

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 1:55 am

I have (not often) offered guest rooms to people making a simcha, but BH I have cleaning help to make the beds (if I know early enough in the week).

Recently I was told a family with two children. I had forgotten to have help do the linens for kids room so ended up with a whole complicated arrangement with two people after me (they were okay with it but til we worked it out..) so she could stay later til the linens dried and put them on the beds. Turned out it was two babies in cribs & no beds needed for the kids! So that was pretty silly...

DH and I both need to lose weight so if it's only us I will do very minimal, chicken and salad or very small pareve cholent for the day. With guests we need much more, which is okay, but if it's not family I am often not up to serving multiple courses.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 1:45 am

We have several kids aged 3-13, bh, and host most every week for one meal, sometimes for both. RH we hosted all four meals. We are not in kiruv and have two full time jobs. No help other than a cleaning lady who comes one day early in the week.

When we had three kids who were all little, we didn’t hosts dinners much for a few years. But now we do again.

amother

Navy

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 5:20 am

We once gave a room for neighbor's simcha guests.....I ended up having to babysit two small babies who were only nursing & was warned not to give them anything else,while they were out to the simcha, with no bottles left for them & moms not back timely...I had to deal with the screeching babies with no big girl in house to help me. + my own two baby/toddlers.

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 6:52 am

We have 6 kids. 1 or 2 of them are sometimes in yeshiva for Shabbos.
We usually host up to 5 people on Shabbos meals. Not families - usually singles or couples.
So still able to host, b"H. Not sure how I'll feel when I'm 80 though...
Your poll can only be answered by people who do not host guests.

amother

Gray

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 7:35 am

I have hosted since I got married. We are in a kiruv job so we have guests every week. (usually lots). But even beforehand we had guests...singles, couples etc. (no eruv where we lived)

My parents are in their 70s with no kids at home and still host sleeping and meal guests for shabbos.

Ruchel

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 8:00 am

I am not used to hosting strangers so I don't look for it

amother

Peach

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 8:14 am

We have 11 kids ka"h and we host once or twice a month but never more than 2 people at a time. And we have no sleeping guests due to lack of space.

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