I'm a high school principal. Ask me anything!

amother

Maroon

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:05 am

keym wrote:

Yes!!!
I was also one of the smart students, though my school was not the most challenging.
Personally, the most devastating thing for me was the schools push to not let grades be so important etc. Not because it bothered me that other girls were getting credit for art or dancing or whatever, but because I was not getting credit anymore for academics because "grades are not a reflection of who we are".
The worst was in eighth grade when the school decided that instead of valedictorian and salutatorian, we would vote two class representatives to speak.
I understand the logic- let the less academic have their chance to shine.
But what about mine? I wasn't student council or the main part in play or choir head. But I knew I was valedictorian. When the school took that away from me, and turned into nothing more than a popularity contest, it really hurt.
I want academic students to be able to thrive and be recognized. Its not about making other students feel bad.

Yes!! Yess!!!

I was also one of the smart students. And that was the only thing I pretty much had going for me. I was raised in a very difficult home, was socially awkward, had no other talents to speak of and very easily blended into the background. When they downgraded the value of academics, they took away the one and only thing I had going for me. Needless to say, it deeply affected my self-worth.

To all teachers, principals and all other personnel who are in charge of children - please don't build up some children on the account of burying other children. All children need to feel valued, even the smart ones. I don't understand why you think it's ok to devalue some talents just to prop up other talents. There must be ways to prop up other talents while still promoting the value of others.

amother

Azure

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:08 am

amother wrote:

If a student has a specific issue which we are not equipped to deal with, it is not in the interest of the school to accept her and then not be able to her. The same is true if a student would not really fit in well. We would be doing her a disservice by taking her on.

That being said, it sometimes happens that we are pressured to take in such students. Once a student is our, we will try our best to do what we can to make it work.

[/b]

As the mother of lovely daughters who were rejected due to their academic struggles, this was painful to read.

Do you realize that every school utters the same nonsense as you, and shares your superior attitude “it not being in the best interest of our school”.

Every year you have dozens of girls who are rejected due to your demeaning attitude. What do you expect us parents to do, send these kids to P.S.?

Sorry for my bitterness, I have such contempt for people in authority who abuse their power to hurt my children like this.
And thanks for reminding me that my daughter is in school thanks to the “dirty games” I have to play by getting the right people involved. We know you accepted her begrudgingly. Thanks for the reminder.

amother

Azure

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:09 am

As the mother of lovely daughters who were rejected due to their academic struggles, this was painful to read.

Do you realize that every school utters the same nonsense as you, and shares your superior attitude of “it not being in the best interest of our school”.

Every year you have dozens of girls who are rejected due to your demeaning attitude. What do you expect us parents to do, send these kids to P.S.?

Sorry for my bitterness, I have such contempt for people in authority who abuse their power to hurt my children like this.

And thanks for reminding me that my daughter is in school thanks to the “dirty games” I have to play by getting the right people involved. We know you accepted her begrudgingly. Thanks for the reminder.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:12 am

Chayalle wrote:

Wow, I could have written alot of this.

Ditto. It was so difficult for me to watch the value of my academics being devalued, all without any support at all. I had no support from home (difficult home), and no support from any of the staff. They all thought I had it made, just because I was able to ace all exams with hardly the need to study.

By creating an environment where academics was pushed aside, where did that leave me? It left me no-where at all. It left a lot of hurt on my emotional psyche, that's all I can say. Its now 20 years later, and while I'm in a much better place, I can still feel the hurt placed upon my teenaged shoulders at that time.

I repeat what I said in my earlier post. I just don't understand why anyone in the chinuch field can think its ok to try to raise other children's psyche on the account of destroying others.

amother

Lilac

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:14 am

Can I publically say this? Although principals have good intentions, I, and many others with girls that dont fit the model student HATE YOU! My daughters are model Jews, model daughters, model friends, model citizens yet not model students in your book. What a shame! Time to chmage your glasses. You would do a service to your school, to yourself and change lives .

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:15 am

amother wrote:

[/b]

As the mother of lovely daughters who were rejected due to their academic struggles, this was painful to read. Do you realize that every school utters the same nonsense as you, and shares your superior attitude “it is not in the best interest of our school”. Every year you have dozens of girls who are rejected due to your demeaning attitude. What do you expect us parents to do, send these kids to P.S.?
Sorry for my bitterness, I have such contempt for people in authority who abuse their power to hurt my children like this.
And thanks for reminding me that my daughter is in school thanks to the “dirty games” I have to play by getting the right people involved. We know you accepted her begrudgingly. Thanks for the reminder.

Although I am trying to answer questions in the order that they are posted, I am interrupting to answer this. I should have clarified. I was NOT referring to academic issues. Any good school these days should have a solid program in place to help those with a academic issues. In fact, some of our most prized students and biggest role models are those who happen to struggle academically. I was referring to serious issues for example a student with a severe eating disorder, or a student who has threatened suicide, that is not being properly managed and we are not equipped to take responsibility for.

I am sorry for any pain that you have had to endure.

amother

Orange

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:23 am

amother wrote:

Yes. It's as though being smart is the most important thing for our Jewish daughters. Who cares if they have good middos, are aidel, and will grow up good people serving Hashem when they aren't A or even B students?

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:23 am

amother wrote:

I'm a first year high school teacher. Do you have any tried and true tips for teachers? What makes your most successful teachers shine?

Thanks for doing this!

The most important things high school girls want from their teachers is to be genuine and fair. Sometimes it looks like the "macher-type" teachers shine brightest, but from what students repeatedly tell me, it is the ones who treat them fairly, like adults, and those that dont try to act holier than thou, that they look up to and appreciate most.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:28 am

amother wrote:

I am an experienced high school teacher, and I would like a chance to move up into administration. What can I do to make that happen?

A good first step is to offer to mentor new teachers. It will show that you take initiative, and is also a great experience for when you move up.

I dont know where you are located, but another good step would be to get on touch with Torah-Umesorah. Most schools who are looking for administrative personnel, contact them.

Hatzlacha!

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:33 am

amother wrote:

What are some reasons you tell students they have to leave and can't come back?

The answer is really similar to the one about students who aren't accepted. If we are not equipped to deal with a serious issue. In the case that a student is already is our school however, it would have to be even more clear that we absolutely cannot deal with the issue at hand and that her being in school would present a possible danger to her or other students.

Usually, by that point it is a mutual decision, as that has become clear to the parents as well.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:38 am

Regarding the discussion of students who are gifted academically, I can't respond to each post, buy I do agree with them as important points as I explained upthread.
I actually have argued to keep certain things in place that recognize academic achievement (such as valedictorian), when a certain very outspoken teacher tried to convince the board to change the school policies. I believe that student who do well should be recognized for that.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:48 am

amother wrote:

How do you get people (kids + staff + parents) to listen to you and respect you? Have you always been an authoritive person or is it something you developed (if so how did you develop it)?

Good question! Some people who know me in other capacities cannot believe that I am a principal. I dont think I measure up to their stereotype of what they think a principal should look like.

I am not necessarily an authoritative person. I let the position guide me. When my authority is warranted, I remind myself that this is not about me, it is about what is necessary for the school to run well. Similar to what I do in parenting as o am by nature a softee....

As far as respect, I believe that respect is earned by being respectful. This is for sure easier said than done, but it is probably the key thing I can attribute to my success with teenagers over all these years.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 10:52 am

amother wrote:

In a similar vein...

I was always a strong student and didn’t have any obvious “issues”. I basically got straight A’s, wasn’t struggling socially, no obvious family issues, emotional issues, etc. My complaint was (and is) that I never built a Kesher with any teachers and I was always sad about that. I didn’t know how to go about initiating one (make up something I was struggling with??) and no one actively reached out to me. The top most students and the “issue” students got all the attention, while the 20% like me just floated by.

I remember when it was seminary decision time specifically, I had no one to turn to! I bH got into all the schools to which I applied but I was struggling with my decision. Eventually my Chumash teacher actually asked me how my seminary decision was going (by then I already decided), but I was so touched after that I cried!!

And yes, we had the most awkward forced mechaneches meetings twice a year. Though everyone was super overly nice, to me it was 100% forced and I knew they were getting paid to sit with me and try to care.

(Later on in my life I learned that I was emotionally neglected growing up, I hid everything and put on the happiest front, didn’t know how to feel and express negative emotions...)

I don’t know if this is a question or just a plea, but watch out for those who seem fine and just fall through the cracks.

Excellent points!
There are many issues which are not noticeable at first glance in a student who seems to be doing well. However, issues such as perfectionism and anxiety can be very important to take care of in order for the student to be a healthy and functional adult.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 11:00 am

amother wrote:

what do you do with the kids who are "smart" but just don't care about school? my dh was like that. H got in to a good math science college and has a well paying job but he almost failed 12th grade english because he just didn't care... teacher was shocked when she realized that he actually was smart...

Also what do you see the rol of the parents?

What are your thoughts about chessed hours?

Honestly, I find students who are not motivated to be my biggest challenge. Over the years, I have figured out how to deal with many issues, but this is for me the hardest code to crack. I try to deal with it on an individual basis and have found ways to figure out how individual students "tick", but I'm always open to suggestions!

The role of parents in terms of their high schoolers, should be to facilitate their child's high school experience. This (as really all parenting) involves carefully balancing observing and getting involved when something needs to be addressed, while still giving their child the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them and grow. I know, easier said than done for all of us!

Not such a fan of exact chesed hours, but I do like having some chesed opportunities and programs in place and encouraging girls to take part in them.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Nov 04 2018, 11:06 am

amother wrote:

I am sorry to hear this. If I said or did anything on this thread to make you feel this way, I apologize and welcome the opportunity to discuss this further.

One of the reasons I was reluctant to start this thread was because I cannot possibly be held accountable for, answer for, or explain every bad experience anyone has ever had with a principal. I can only learn from those which people share with me and try to use these experiences to hopefully become better at my job.