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I'm rude, judgmental, and dislike most people. Ask me a/thin
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NovelConcept









  


Post  Wed, Nov 07 2018, 2:05 am
Oliveoil: Were someone to make overtures of friendship, in real life, how would you respond?

***

Once upon a time, I walked in my mother's shoes, sneering at the world, believing I'm better, smarter, that the world is but concerned with pettiness. But the truth is, that under that "betterness" was an insecure girl who really believed herself unlikeable, so she put on this thick armor of false belief, willing herself to feel "above" even though she really felt "below."
Oliveoil: Are you the same way? Is your withdraw from the world around you due to insecurity? Could it be, maybe, that you really look at others as so far from you due to the feeling that maybe they won't really like you, don't really want to breach your walls and invest in a solid friendship?

It has taken me years to learn that very few people are actually petty, but that we have to breach their walls, and know that our own defenses must drop, to access the inner workings of others to see their greatness.

Oliveoil: From reading your words, I get the impression that you are either an amazing person with incredible insecurities...

Or...

... a total narcissist.
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ora_43









  


Post  Wed, Nov 07 2018, 8:06 am
dankbar wrote:
I think according to your responses, that you are gifted, super bright, sharp that is why you find ordinary people stupid & irritating. Its like you are beyond them so you can't even have a conversation with them. Such people sometimes fall out of society for this reason.

I was thinking this too. From what I know (my work is tangentially related to gifted education), it's not rare for gifted students to tend toward being judgmental, argumentative, and very blunt, to the point where helping students overcome those traits/ use them in a healthy way is part of teacher training.

(of course not all gifted students are like that, some even go too far in the opposite direction.)

Not trying to diagnose you, oliveoil, just adding another possibility to the pile that seems to be accumulating here.
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southernbubby









  


Post  Wed, Nov 07 2018, 8:23 am
Olive Oil, are any of your children married?

Are you an ok MIL or are you the MIL from H3ll?
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L25









  


Post  Wed, Nov 07 2018, 8:29 am
do you have a hard time with relatives, like how do you manage family get togethers... or do you not have them?
how do you manage playdates, you said they were hard for you?
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Laiya









  


Post  Wed, Nov 07 2018, 9:05 am
I find it interesting that posters seem to have this need to pathologize someone for saying she doesn't like people. The vast majority of people have at least someone, or a group of people or type of person, they don't like.

Some people find it easy to forgive or overlook others' flaws, while others are more judgmental. Someone who's more judgmental may have an easier time asserting themselves in relationships; learning from past mistakes; and not trusting someone who shouldn't be trusted.

Some people don't care what others think of them and can speak their mind, while others care too much. Again, neither way is good or bad on its own.

Same with patience. Someone who is too patient might never make necessary changes or accomplish anything.
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dankbar









  


Post  Wed, Nov 07 2018, 10:53 am
I have some q?
1) don't your eyes hurt from eye-rolling all day? Lol
2) even if you love your children, children can be naughty & annoying at times, don't you think that they dont feel it when you brush them off, even if you might not realize that they're getting affected, because you say you love them?
3) in order to obscure real meaningful friendships you need to first go thru the small talk....so how can you gain real friends if you want to skip the intro?
4) irl when you do have to deal with just plain reg people-how do you do that?
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dankbar









  


Post  Wed, Nov 07 2018, 10:57 am
If you just don't join social circles that don't interest you, dont you think people think of you as snobby? How do you deal with that afterward?
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dankbar









  


Post  Wed, Nov 07 2018, 11:02 am
There are some people you just can't avoid, even if they're not your type? What do when you need to interact with them?
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oliveoil









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:08 am
crust wrote:
Innerme you are just being too cute on this thread. I love you.
Dont worry oliveoil. I respect your wish of not being told you are loveable so I won't dare saying that.
But this us an ama thread so I cant resist; can you accept loving words from your husband?

Innerme she seems like a 5 with a 6 wing.


It is definitely a struggle.
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oliveoil









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:09 am
NovelConcept wrote:
Oliveoil: Were someone to make overtures of friendship, in real life, how would you respond?

***

Once upon a time, I walked in my mother's shoes, sneering at the world, believing I'm better, smarter, that the world is but concerned with pettiness. But the truth is, that under that "betterness" was an insecure girl who really believed herself unlikeable, so she put on this thick armor of false belief, willing herself to feel "above" even though she really felt "below."
Oliveoil: Are you the same way? Is your withdraw from the world around you due to insecurity? Could it be, maybe, that you really look at others as so far from you due to the feeling that maybe they won't really like you, don't really want to breach your walls and invest in a solid friendship?

It has taken me years to learn that very few people are actually petty, but that we have to breach their walls, and know that our own defenses must drop, to access the inner workings of others to see their greatness.

Oliveoil: From reading your words, I get the impression that you are either an amazing person with incredible insecurities...

Or...

... a total narcissist.


It seems like you're determined to view me as exactly like your mother which makes this a difficult conversation to have.
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oliveoil









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:10 am
ora_43 wrote:
I was thinking this too. From what I know (my work is tangentially related to gifted education), it's not rare for gifted students to tend toward being judgmental, argumentative, and very blunt, to the point where helping students overcome those traits/ use them in a healthy way is part of teacher training.

(of course not all gifted students are like that, some even go too far in the opposite direction.)

Not trying to diagnose you, oliveoil, just adding another possibility to the pile that seems to be accumulating here.


Np. Diagnose away.

I am definitely on the smarter end of smart, but I don't cross over into giftedness.
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oliveoil









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:13 am
dankbar wrote:
If you just don't join social circles that don't interest you, dont you think people think of you as snobby? How do you deal with that afterward?


I mean, I am kind of a snob, aren't I? I'm ok with that.
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oliveoil









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:14 am
dankbar wrote:
I have some q?
1) don't your eyes hurt from eye-rolling all day? Lol
2) even if you love your children, children can be naughty & annoying at times, don't you think that they dont feel it when you brush them off, even if you might not realize that they're getting affected, because you say you love them?
3) in order to obscure real meaningful friendships you need to first go thru the small talk....so how can you gain real friends if you want to skip the intro?
4) irl when you do have to deal with just plain reg people-how do you do that?


1. lol.

2. where did I say I brush them off?

3. I can handle the small talk when it's someone I want to get to know. Ie I see a relationship there in the future. But someone I just met at a Shabbos table, or my hairdresser who I see twice a year - I have little interest in their chit chat.

4. I try to be polite, but when
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oliveoil









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:17 am
There seems to be a bit of a misconception going on here that I want to clear up for those who are worried about my kids, etc.

With the small group of people who I like/love - I am very, very different.

They see the harsh/judgemental side of me with others, and we kinda laugh about it together, but for the most part they interact with a very different side of me.
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oliveoil









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:20 am
L25 wrote:
do you have a hard time with relatives, like how do you manage family get togethers... or do you not have them?
how do you manage playdates, you said they were hard for you?


I don't like big crowds in general, but it's important for my kids to have relationships with the extended family so I go and make the best of it.

We are not big on official playdates. Once the kids are old enough to entertain on their own, and I don't have to be actively involved, it's a lot easier. Once in a while there will be a friend I really can't stand but I just wait it out. I don't do a lot of playdates for the little ones. I don't think they need it and it's no gift to them to have a friend over if it means an impatient mother.
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oliveoil









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:20 am
southernbubby wrote:
Olive Oil, are any of your children married?

Are you an ok MIL or are you the MIL from H3ll?


Not yet. But since my relationship with the in law kids will really be for my own kids benefit, I don't think I"ll have a problem.
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oliveoil









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:21 am
dankbar wrote:
There are some people you just can't avoid, even if they're not your type? What do when you need to interact with them?


I try to keep it polite but brief.

When it's ongoing it's harder.
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NovelConcept









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 6:40 am
oliveoil wrote:
There seems to be a bit of a misconception going on here that I want to clear up for those who are worried about my kids, etc.

With the small group of people who I like/love - I am very, very different.

They see the harsh/judgemental side of me with others, and we kinda laugh about it together, but for the most part they interact with a very different side of me.


Oliveoil, I am glad for that. I don't want to view you as similar to my mother, but the way you describe yourself, save for your positive relationship with family, sounds just like her.
The thing with the internet is, it's only a fragment of info, so we can come out sounded completely normal when crazy or completely crazy when normal.
Go figure.
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dankbar









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 11:20 am
How do you align your attitude with Torah values? Are you proud being rude? It's not a good quality. If you say you have a problem with crowds because you don't know how to go about is one thing but if you are deliberately snubbing some people is that a value to uphold?

Also, are you just avoiding the crowds that you don't like so you don't need to interact with them or are you giving them attitude, eyerolls & dismissing what they're saying & dirty looks as you pass them or when in conversation/ or meeting?

People don't like such people & end up avoiding them & then they end up with no friends.
Are you not afraid that you are hurting others with?
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roses









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 11:40 am
Do you consider character development to be an important value?
Do you invest effort into your own character development to be able to improve your interpersonal interactions?
Are you able to sense when you are offending or hurting other people, and if so, what do you do about it?
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