Guest with crying baby

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amother

Firebrick

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 8:14 am

Last Shabbos we had guests with little kids. On Friday night she let her 2 year old scream for 40 minutes until she fell asleep.
It bothered DH and my kids and felt it was insensitive. Perhaps the baby has no other way of talking asleep. Does that mean they shouldn't go out or we are not tolerant. Interesting to hear some feedback on this. Thanks

hodeez

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 8:18 am

I have kids that are unable to fall asleep out of the house, therefore we don't go out for Shabbat. I don't think it's right to subject a host to cranky and screaming kids

essie14

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 8:37 am

I would have let my child sleep in my bed. I would never let a 2 year old scream that long even at home, let alone in someone else's house.

Reality

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 8:41 am

I cant imagine how the parents were able to tolerate hearing their child cry for so long!!

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 8:43 am

That's why it's so hard to be a guest with a baby. My nephew could scream for that long even if his parents were doing everything they could to quiet him. (Actually, one Shabbos last winter at 2 a.m., his favorite Tante got him to pipe down finally and fall asleep in her arms Smile

. )

But I wouldn't just let my baby scream in someone else's house. I would do my best, though I might not be successful. My kids all went thru their colicky stages.....

amother

Mauve

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 8:55 am

Years ago, after dealing with similar situations I made a rule for my family .... WE NEVER GO AWAY FOR SHABBOS ... no matter what !!
I have nightmares remembering my kids standing in pack n plays in other houses screaming at 3am to come out... sometimes they only spent a few minutes out of the whole night sleeping... so after dealing with that I decided that it’s just not worth it- and for the last 10 years or so we rarely went away
Now that my youngest is 5 we have accepted a few invitations (mostly for Simchas) but even though there are no more babies everyone sleeps better at home.
I don’t believe that families with young kids should go away for shabbos unless they know that their kids can sleep anywhere

amother

Ruby

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 9:02 am

We had once guest that their baby screamed through the night! The parents where trying to sleep train her in our home so they let her cry every time she woke up. We where so so mad, I finally knocked on their door & told them to pick the baby up because we where all going crazy! Baby was over a year old, not a newborn. Since then my rule for guests is no sleep training & no toilet training! When guest call to ask to come, I ask if their baby cries alot & I usually decline if so.

thunderstorm

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 9:06 am

Chayalle wrote:

. )

But I wouldn't just let my baby scream in someone else's house. I would do my best, though I might not be successful. My kids all went thru their colicky stages.....

My nephew is the same. He will only go to sleep in his own crib or his maternal grandmothers crib. But he shrieks non stop everywhere else. I as a host , know that this is a possibility and I'm prepared for it. My sleep gets disturbed every time they come. But trust me, those parents are suffering way more than I do when he cries. They are working on stop trying to calm him and quiet him. Between that stress and their exhaustion , it's for that reason I invite them. I take care of him Shabbos morning and Shabbos afternoon so that they could rest and sleep like mentchen.
My kids were pretty easy when it came to going away. But they all were uneasy about sleeping in new surroundings when they were babies and toddlers.
As a host , I've learned that there are some things you may need to sacrifice on when being a host and they are:
1. A good nights sleep
2. A Shabbos afternoon nap
3. A clean house
4. A quiet house
5. Quiet reading time

I take all the above into account before I offer to host . If I'm up to giving up all those comforts , I invite. If I'm not up to making those sacrifices that week, I don't invite.

rivkam

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 9:12 am

I would have probably picked the kid up myself. It's one thing if the child/baby is crying and the parents are trying to help him then I would feel bad for them but I would understand. I have to say that I'm not a fan of the cry it out method at all so it would really be upsetting for me to see this

Ruchel

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 9:12 am

I wouldn't host someone with a baby, and I also don't want to be hosted except by close family and/or huge mansion lol with a baby.

Forrealx

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 9:20 am

I remember a slucha who let her 1 year old cry for long because that was the only way that he could sleep. Some children are that way it’s not insensitive it’s is teaching that your kid needs to sleep. Myself would never with my young children do that if I know they won’t sleep or become very angry or sad.

SuperWify

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 9:23 am

My baby is unfortunately like this.

Refuses to sleep in a pack and play.

I only go away if I now the host has a porter crib I can use otherwise it’s not worth it for anybody.

amother

Pink

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 9:35 am

You remind me that many years ago my mil insisted we come for shabbos & sunday.
I was young and agreed, even though my second was very colicky baby who screamed non stop (and was worse dealing with ppl he seldom saw).
My grandmother-in-law hated me with a passion and started yelling at me to shut my baby up.
Oh boy, that started a huge fight.
In retrospect , I understand a crying baby is very difficult for an elderly woman; but I had no way to calm him. I was rocking him for hours, singing, he was on special formula and zantac.
There was nothing I could do.
I was so frazzled & no one offered to help.
Btw, she also never had an issue with any one else's crying baby, but that's a separate issue.
Anyhow, op yes it was very hard for you but maybe the parents really couldn't calm the kid down?

bsy

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 9:39 am

SuperWify wrote:

My baby is unfortunately like this.

Refuses to sleep in a pack and play.

I only go away if I now the host has a porter crib I can use otherwise it’s not worth it for anybody.

Just letting you know, they sell mattresses for pack n plays. That makes it feel like a regular crib.

pesek zman

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 10:03 am

Don’t host a family with a baby if you can’tt handle or don’t want to hear a baby cryinfb

flowerpower

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 10:04 am

If you are a guest then you have to do anything you can to make sure the baby doesn’t cry. I can see why you all went crazy! What were they doing while the kid cried?

amother

Ruby

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 10:12 am

Babies cry, normal crying is understandable and ok. But if your baby cries all day & all night, or you let your baby cry it out at your hosts home, kindly stay home for shabbos. Or rent a private apartment.

ectomorph

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 10:42 am

Surprised at the responses here. In my mind if you invite someone with a toddler or baby you accept the implications. They'll cry might need toilet training help etc.

It wouldn't occur to me to invite someone only if her kid doesn't cry or need toilet help...

Ema of 5

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 10:59 am

ectomorph wrote:

I’m with you. When I invite people or host people with kids, I expect that things won’t be peachy. I expect more noise, more mess, etc.
I’m also surprised at all the judgement here. OP didn’t say what time it was, or what the parents were doing while the baby was crying, yet everyone is saying “how can you do that?”

Miri7

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 11:12 am

We rented a house with friends a while back and our 3 yo woke in the middle of the night screaming. Nothing we did helped. Eventually I figured out that talking to her, holding her, etc was making it worse. Once I just let her be, she piped down (or fell asleep from exhaustion from all the screaming) after about 10 minutes.

DH and I felt so so bad for everyone else in the house! We apologized in the morning but everyone was so nice and understanding. Sometimes you just can’t really help it.

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