Do you let your teen dd talk on phone until after midnight?

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 2:34 am

Idk what to do. I let her do it but it’s getting later and later. She is in eighth grade. I think I’m going to disconnect the phone at a certain hour. Wwyd?

kneidel

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 3:21 am

amother wrote:

Idk what to do. I let her do it but it’s getting later and later. She is in eighth grade. I think I’m going to disconnect the phone at a certain hour. Wwyd?

No. I wouldn't want an eight grader talking till that late. But IMHO, disconnecting the phone is not a good move. Our kids need to know that we trust them. Perhaps you can discuss a mutual cut-off point together. Let her 'own' the decision and empower her with respect and trust.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 11:43 am

kneidel wrote:

She doesn’t agree to any restrictions and she can’t get up in the morning. She wakes up ten minutes before she leaves just to gets dressed brush her teeth and run out. What is a reasonable time?

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 11:58 am

Definitely not. It's not a matter of "let" or not. My teens, at that age, know that they need to be in bed at a certain time in order to function properly during the day. I don't need to tell them.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 12:05 pm

I don't have kids old enough to talk on the phone yet.

On one hand, I'd be impressed that she's talking on the phone and not texting, lol! I may be old fashioned but I kinda admire anyone social enough to talk on the phone for longer than 10 minutes. 😂

But if lack of sleep is a problem, I'd enlist her help in figuring out exactly what is the minimum amount of sleep she can get and still function normally. Everyone has a different cutoff, for some it may be 6 hours; I found out that for myself I need 7 hours. Finding out her limit will help her in the future (high school,.college, career, knowing how much sleep she needs) and will make her see that the "no phone after x o'clock" rule is fair and not arbitrary.

amother

Blue

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 12:06 pm

My 8th grade daughter has been doing this. It kind of slowly happened. Its just one test, one thing happened. I say OK. But its getting a little crazy and she's tired and cranky. So we had a little talk and she knows its not really a good choice. Can't tell you a long term outcome, but I'd rather it be more from her recognizing the impact of her choices than me just laying down the rules. Which I also do, now that I think of it!

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 1:22 pm

She said that no matter how much she sleeps at night she can’t get up in the morning... idk what to do. Last night I asked her to turn the phone off at 11:30 and she yelled at me ( that’s a separate problem..). I told her I’m going to disconnect the phone at night.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 1:25 pm

amother wrote:

She doesn’t have a cell phone

carnation

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 1:35 pm

It's always a conversation in my house that enough sleep equals a successful life. (Early to bed early to rise makes us healthy, wealthy and wise) Naturally my teens WANT to go to sleep on time, for that reason. And if they go to sleep late (rarely) they only blame themselves.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 2:02 pm

Thinking back to my conversations that went on past nightnight. And often to the wee hours of the morning- I say. You can't control your teens. But definitely try hard and best as you can to limit it. There should be a no phones rule after certain hours.
By me- it was borderline unhealthy . And uncalled for. Helped nourish unhealthy - too emotional - relationships with friends.

Good luck to you!

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 2:40 pm

I told her it’s unhealthy but she said she doesn’t care. I mean physically unhealthy
She leaves the house st 7:55. What time should she go to bed?

flmommy

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 3:11 pm

I have a ninth grader. He does not need so much sleep and he comes home late and needs a break. His bedtime is 11:00. I think sometime between 9-11 would be the norm.

amother

Black

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 3:24 pm

In my house of 3 teenagers, the rule is that in 8th grade you can't talk on the phone on a school night past 9:30 p.m. and have to be showered and ready for bed by 10 p.m. They can read in bed without limitation and I've learned from experience that teens can be quite the night owls, but as long as they start calming down by that time they get enough sleep. For high schoolers, the phone deadline gets extended to 11 p.m. on school nights and I'm much more laid back about Motzai Shabbos/vacations for girls who can sleep late.
,

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 4:38 pm

amother wrote:

So from eighth to ninth grade is a big jump. From 9 to 11. The problem that her friends are calling much later than 9pm. It’s on the home phone. She doesn’t have a cell

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 4:42 pm

amother wrote:

So from eighth to ninth grade is a big jump. From 9 to 11. The problem that her friends are calling much later than 9pm. It’s on the home phone. She doesn’t have a cell

When friends call past your time limit, you just say she isn't available.

It's probably not a good idea to tell your daughter about your phone rules while she's on the phone. Better to have a discussion about this beforehand. Stay calm no matter what!

nicole81

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 6:48 pm

My 8th graders don't use the phone past 9:30 on a weeknight. My dd used to use it later, but it was affecting her ability to get up in the morning. We talked about sleep being necessary for success, and I told her I was cutting her off at 8:30 pm, with the caveat that if she's successfully waking up early and without an attitude, we will keep pushing back the time until we find what's the latest that still allows her to function properly and successfully... Which ended up being 9:30.

I'm a fan of transparency, collaboration to an extent, and firmness.

Does she have a phone in her room? If not, you should also give her a time that she needs to be in her room by to start winding down for bed. If she does, then you can disconnect that particular phone if she doesn't comply.

groisamomma

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 6:59 pm

I let her and her friends know several weeks ago that she is allowed on the phone until 10:30. The first few days I quietly unplugged the base at exactly 10:30. Since then she hangs up by 10 or 10:30 and I've never had to remind her. Some days she hangs up earlier.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 11:00 pm

She said she will stay up on purpose if I disconnect the phone. Maybe I will just do it without her knowledge

nicole81

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 4:32 pm

amother wrote:

She said she will stay up on purpose if I disconnect the phone. Maybe I will just do it without her knowledge

It sounds like the problem runs deeper than just phone use.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 5:32 pm

nicole81 wrote:

It sounds like the problem runs deeper than just phone use.

Yes. She is very opinionated and strong willed. She is also chutzpadik and thinks she knows everything better. At school and with friends I’m told by teachers and mothers that she is popular kind helpful and a role model. And also extremely smart and talented in academics and arts.