We are wealthy Bh. Ask me anything

amother

Orange

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 11:22 am

Zehava wrote:

No way maya! She ain’t chassidish if most kids in her circles haven’t been on a plane and wear gap. And her husband drives a sienna even though he makes millions. Maybe she lives out of town? Like out of the metro area?

Zehava, I’m chassidish through and through.

amother

Orange

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 11:27 am

amother wrote:

You are totally off. If you have 4 kids in the secular world, you have a large family. If you have 2 you have a beautiful size. If you have 4 kids and you live in Monroe, you have a small family. There is no "er" in any of those words.

BH we are wealthy and rich for an American; however, we are average or below-average for our surroundings. I've never been jealous or wanted something someone else has in any way shape or form or think about "er" at all.

I get your point. That’s exactly what I’m trying to say, that if you title yourself according to what the people you are surrounded by are titled, that’s called comparing.

Forgive me please if I accused you of jealousy.

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 11:33 am

Zehava wrote:

Most chassidish kids wouldn't wear Gap? Wow. In my circles Gap is considered pretty trendy. Where do they all get money from to dress fancy?

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 11:50 am

amother wrote:

My hub had a good job....gave tzedaka...had prestige...and some fringe benefits from community......Then he lost his job......bigger adjustment besides not having the money was his identity....social standing....& all of a sudden all those fringe benefits stopped...that was the most hurtful. Lost many friends when he lost the money.

We are comfortable and this really scares me.

Zehava

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 11:53 am

amother wrote:

Most chassidish kids wouldn't wear Gap? Wow. In my circles Gap is considered pretty trendy. Where do they all get money from to dress fancy?

I keep asking myself the same question
Stores that charge up to 600$ for a dress (for kids. The ladies ones can go above 2,000) are always full of people.
My guess is it’s a big priority for them and I see that the wannabe’s need it more and make it more visible. Like they’d buy moschino tees for their kids with the logo all over it so everyone can see.

thunderstorm

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 12:26 pm

InnerMe wrote:

I am really appreciating this thread, and OP you sound like a very well rounded and humble person.
Kudos to you. I'm happy for you that you have wealth, but even more than that, that you know how to deal with it. Thanks for this thread and for opening yourself up to criticism although I haven't seen anything in your post that warrants it.

I second this. OP, I truly admire you and may Hakadosh Baruch Hu keep showering you and your family with Bracha and all things good. You sound like an amazing person in general.

amother

Amber

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 12:32 pm

Zehava wrote:

Seriously? I'm very chassidish, live in a chassidish community, the most expensive cloth I ever bought my kids for special occasion was between 50-75$!!!! And nonoe of my neighbors buy brand name. Seems like your view is very limited, perhaps you know a few chassidish families that happen to value brand names, but there are all types, just like in other communities.
Btw may I ask how you guys pay tuition? I really wonder how you can make it work.

Zehava

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 12:43 pm

amother wrote:

Lol take a stroll down the avenue where I live
And the fact that you’re asking about tuition is telling. Tuition here costs less per child per month than some people spend on a single outfit.

jd1212

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 2:04 pm

amother wrote:

Could you talk about this more please? We are struggling somewhat at the moment . We get a lot of help with tuition from the schools and the children's grandparents. DH has an account where 10% of his salary goes but we don't necessarily give that money away. I feel that if it goes any where it should go to the school. But then I'm scared they will raise the tuition which we are not paying anyway. And if someone gives us $10,000 to pay tuition are we supposed to pay $9K and "donate" the rest?. It's too embarrassing to discuss wth a Rav and am up at night worrying about it. What would your advise?
ETA I saw that I x- posted with the previous poster on a sort of similar question.

Most definitely pay tuition first. Those who pay full tuition are either directly subsidizing the tuition of those on assistance, or fundraising from the community is being done to pay for tuition assistance. I don't believe it's appropriate to give money away to others when one is a recipient of ma'aser from someone else. It's a strong minhag to give ma'aser kesafim, not required- also lots of opinions about deducting living expenses, etc.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 2:22 pm

BH, we're kind of wealthy according to this thread (just under a million/year). Wink

I think the way one raises their family is heavily influenced by where you live. We live in a small somewhat poor community in the midwest. My kids get what the other kids get, and no more.

My husband and I do have some luxuries ourselves (he drives a really nice car) but nothing major. I have some nice jewelry that most probably think is fake. We just save a lot for the future. No kosher restaurants where we live either, so really our spending is minimal. No one does fancy bar mitzvahs, etc Everything is so low key here, it would be very insensitive to stand out.

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 3:36 pm

I didn’t read entire thread so sorry if these were asked already.
Do you feel that people try to befriend you because of your wealth/ status and does that hurt your identity?
How do you differentiate between people who genuinely like you and care and those who fake friendship to be around you for your money?
Are you afraid your children will grow up without having ambitions or a work ethic (assuming they know you have the ability to support them and take care of their needs for life)? Will you encourage them to work hard, make money, and support themselves anyway?
Are you ever bored with life? What is your greatest fear?

DVOM

Wed, Nov 07 2018, 5:50 pm

Just got a chance to catch up on my Imamother reading and saw this thread... Interesting!

I have so many questions! I find wealth absolutely fascinating, possibly because it is so out of reach for me. We will in all probability always be solidly lower-middle class.

I'm going to limit myself to one question:

What do you worry about? Most of my worries center around money. Well, actually not money exactly but things I want or need that I could have if I had money. I worry about paying for therapy for my son, paying for braces, paying tuition, being able to afford nice food for shabbos company, wishing I could take my kids to visit my in laws overseas, wishing I could work less hours, wishing I could afford cleaning help... I don't know what I'd worry about if I had loads of money. So what are your worries? Do you have any?

Editing to add: Is it incredibly annoying that people like me assume you have no worries or that your worries may be trivial just because you've got bucketloads of money?

Last edited by DVOM on Wed, Nov 07 2018, 6:00 pm; edited 1 time in total