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amother




Denim


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:14 pm
Look, I'm usually a "live and let live" kind of person. I'm decently pretty, my life is baruch Hashem wonderful, and everyone has their own path.

That being said, my instagram feed has gotten so bad that I'm thinking I have no choice but to remove it. I have a lot of beautiful relatives, and it seems that all of them spend their days modelling and using filters and looking coquettishly into a camera. It's all, "Outfit of the Day!" against a brick wall, "new makeup product" with kissy lips, here's my new wig, today I'm getting my makeup done, and just an endless promotion of ME ME ME.

I don't get it.

Don't tell me "low self-esteem". Their self-esteem is great. They're married, they're wealthy, they have everything they could want. Why on earth are they obsessed with themselves all the time? Why are more women jumping on this? Anyone remotely pretty suddenly has a feed all about their outfit choices and their dress they wore to this wedding, and whatever. Is it that they're bored with their husbands they need endless male attention? Or any attention? Is this the destiny of anyone pretty - to become obsessed with their own self? It sure seems like it.

To those of you who start railing about tznius - I don't care about tznius. I believe women should look beautiful and attractive, and if that means you wear tight dresses and short skirts and long wigs, go live your life. I just care about what seems to be utter narcissism.

And another thing - I know some women like this sort of thing, but for the life of me, I can't understand why women post stories about all their thoughts and feelings for the day. I roll my eyes and tell them, "NOBODY CARES", as if they can hear me through my screen. And then they screenshot any woman who private messages them a "thank you, that was so beautiful I love you so much!" to show the world their validation.

Ugh.
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TranquilityAndPeace









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:26 pm
It is possible that the "high" they get from the complements gets addictive. The same addiction that most of us get from "needing" to check out a text when we hear our phone ping.

I recently unfollowed some fashion bloggers and many frum stores on Instagram. I can still check them out once in a while without following them.

I don't need to see stores posting "dress goals" and "booties goals" constantly. What we see on a regular basis affects us, whether we like it or not. (This is why the Romans decreed that every ox horn must be engraved with "There is no portion of the World to Come for any Jew". They used oxen frequently; it would be the equivalent of a decree that we need to have that as our lock screen on our phones. Chazzal mourned that decree because what we see, over and over again, inevitably affects our thoughts.

While I like to shop for new dresses and booties, I do have higher goals in my life, thank you very much!
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bigsis144









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:27 pm
Yep, your instinct to just unfollow them or get rid of instagram is spot on 👍

Whatever their motivations are, you’ll be a lot less aggravated on a regular basis if you just don’t have to see it. Do you get any benefits from that particular stream of social media?
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amother




Blue


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:35 pm
Here's an interesting article on this topic:
https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/07.....ebook.html
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amother




Denim


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:38 pm
bigsis144 wrote:
Yep, your instinct to just unfollow them or get rid of instagram is spot on 👍

Whatever their motivations are, you’ll be a lot less aggravated on a regular basis if you just don’t have to see it. Do you get any benefits from that particular stream of social media?


Many of these women are my relatives, so I like seeing pictures of my nieces and nephews, cousins, etc. But they're becoming few and far between.

It's just so disappointing. Get over yourselves, ladies! Why, as a society, do we encourage this behavior? Before facebook and instagram, if anyone started photocopying pages of their own diary and plastering them and polaroids of themselves on billboards and walls, we would call a shrink. Now, it's almost like a rite of passage. Oh, you're pretty? Quick! Get an expensive outfit and boomerang yourself as you leap in front of a rustic fence!
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:45 pm
I just deleted instagram because of this! I was so sick of everything you guys are saying! It's getting ridiculous already and I don't think it will last forever. People get bored of things, first it was Myspace then Facebook now the "gram"... I would feel very uncomfortable showing strangers my private life, home, kids, outfits, etc. How do these women expose themselves so easily like this, asking for creepy perverted messages from men, which they often screenshot and show to their followers. It's motivated by money, free products, bordem, need to fit in, addiction, who knows!? It's a good tool to promote brands but now it's gone too far...keep your kids far, far away !!
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amother




Denim


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:54 pm
amother wrote:
Here's an interesting article on this topic:
https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/07.....ebook.html


This was excellent. Really quite good. One thing I liked is that the author put into words why all the instagram messages about the Pittsburgh tragedy was also annoying - because everyone made it about themselves, and didn't offer anything particularly inspiring. For most of the posts, it seemed more of how they could insert themselves into the conversation. "I was crying when I heard." or "I have a cousin who once used to live there but doesn't anymore and it made the whole tragedy really hit home for me!"

But that's just being nit-picky. At least they're using the platform for weightier topics than a shaitel giveaway.

The only thing is that the author doesn't really delve into why this behavior is so commonplace. I don't see men needing this same kind of attention. They don't post daily pictures of, say, their beard, or their latest fashion acquisition, or using a chipmunk filter to enlarge their eyeballs so they look like a bizarre and oddly squeaky cartoon character.
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amother




Sienna


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 2:57 pm
What I love best is when they “advocate” for women being confident with themselves....
“You’re beautiful just the way you are, you don’t need to impress anyone, dress for anyone, etc....”:
Said by the women who wear full glam makeup, do botox at 30, and only present themselves on Instagram with 3 filters...etc....
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ahuva06









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 3:03 pm
It's funny because years ago I deleted Facebook for exactly this reason. Everyone's "belly aches" were getting to me. And I couldn't unfriend them because that was insulting. (someone actually confronted me about it and I pretended I had no idea what happened!)
On Instagram I mostly follow food bloggers so I get inspiration on what to cook (I love cooking) and photographers because I think photography is super cool. (@chaya_braun_photography - if you're on Instagram and not following her, what are you doing??)
Any time someone who I follow says something that in anyway rubs me the wrong way, I hit that handy little unfollow button, and poof - problem solved!
But yes, op, I totally understand and agree with your sentiment.
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ahuva06









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 3:04 pm
amother wrote:
What I love best is when they “advocate” for women being confident with themselves....
“You’re beautiful just the way you are, you don’t need to impress anyone, dress for anyone, etc....”:
Said by the women who wear full glam makeup, do botox at 30, and only present themselves on Instagram with 3 filters...etc....


Hahah yup, the account you're referring to was one of my recent unfollows...
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NovelConcept









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 3:07 pm
amother wrote:
This was excellent. Really quite good. One thing I liked is that the author put into words why all the instagram messages about the Pittsburgh tragedy was also annoying - because everyone made it about themselves, and didn't offer anything particularly inspiring. For most of the posts, it seemed more of how they could insert themselves into the conversation. "I was crying when I heard." or "I have a cousin who once used to live there but doesn't anymore and it made the whole tragedy really hit home for me!"

But that's just being nit-picky. At least they're using the platform for weightier topics than a shaitel giveaway.

The only thing is that the author doesn't really delve into why this behavior is so commonplace. I don't see men needing this same kind of attention. They don't post daily pictures of, say, their beard, or their latest fashion acquisition, or using a chipmunk filter to enlarge their eyeballs so they look like a bizarre and oddly squeaky cartoon character.


Yup. I love Wait but Why. Tim Urban is really talented at getting to the core of the issue. He's a Yid, but was raised reform and therefore assumed all Judaism is fake "let's dance the hora" stuff. For being completely secular, he is mind-blowing in his capacity to probe and understand the world. Poke around on his site. He's got so much Torah, without having the Torah. IYH, he'll get there too.

BTW, check out his TED talk at TED.com. Type TIM URBAN into search bar. Hilarious, fascinating talk.
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TranquilityAndPeace









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 3:08 pm
ahuva06 wrote:

On Instagram I mostly follow food bloggers so I get inspiration on what to cook (I love cooking) and photographers because I think photography is super cool. (@chaya_braun_photography - if you're on Instagram and not following her, what are you doing??)


OMG I'm Chaya Braun Razz Very Happy Laughing Wink

Okay, I need to get off Imamother and back to Photoshop and calling back inquiries before my daughter gets home in an hour!!!
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amother




Plum


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 3:11 pm
Recently psychology articles have spoken about the narcissism of America due to social media influences. You aren't imagining things.
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amother




Denim


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 3:13 pm
TranquilityAndPeace wrote:
It is possible that the "high" they get from the complements gets addictive. The same addiction that most of us get from "needing" to check out a text when we hear our phone ping.

I recently unfollowed some fashion bloggers and many frum stores on Instagram. I can still check them out once in a while without following them.

I don't need to see stores posting "dress goals" and "booties goals" constantly. What we see on a regular basis affects us, whether we like it or not. (This is why the Romans decreed that every ox horn must be engraved with "There is no portion of the World to Come for any Jew". They used oxen frequently; it would be the equivalent of a decree that we need to have that as our lock screen on our phones. Chazzal mourned that decree because what we see, over and over again, inevitably affects our thoughts.

While I like to shop for new dresses and booties, I do have higher goals in my life, thank you very much!


I love this comment.

I ask myself sometimes, if I was born gorgeous, would I become that person? Would I be this self-obsessed humble-bragging girl showing you pictures of my new manicure and posting stories about my hair care routine? Maybe I would. Maybe that's why God didn't test me that way.

I also ask myself, does this bother me because I'm jealous? And I'm being as honest as I can when I say, I don't think so. I can't be 100% certain, because who knows if there's a spark of subconscious jealousy that I don't know to admit to? But I really don't want to look like them or have their life. I am me, and that's fine. I don't know why the behavior bothers me. I guess I just wish more people would have self-awareness to wonder why they spend their time taking carefully crafted selfies - to what end?

I think if you pulled a bunch of beautiful women aside and asked them, "Do you want people to be jealous of you?" The majority would truthfully answer, 'no'. I don't think we really need people to desire to be us. So I'm looking for an answer, somehow. Is it that they need to be liked, and the only way there is approval, and the only way they know how to get approval is through looking beautiful? Is it that they don't realize how they come across? Is it that they've been told their whole lives how beautiful they are, and so that becomes their entire identity, and it must be maintained?

What is it?
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amother




Sienna


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 3:18 pm
ahuva06 wrote:
Hahah yup, the account you're referring to was one of my recent unfollows...


I actually have a few of those.

They’re like Jewish celebrities.
Followers butter up to them (OMG! I love you!) and hold sacred every word that leaves their mouth, no matter how dumb or smart that “celebrity” is.
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amother




Natural


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 3:22 pm
I agree with you. It's annoying. But I've mostly seen it from women who I know are either unhappily married, on the verge of divorce or divorced. They want the attention and the likes because I guess they don't hear it at home. Your friends are married and wealthy... Doesn't mean their husbands make them feel appreciated and loved.
I still don't understand why they're looking for it on Instagram. It's so annoying and I usually unfollow them even if they're my friends. I don't need to see their selfies daily. And people who post their feelings as a Facebook status.. ugh I don't need those in my life
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amother




Sienna


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 3:30 pm
Oh oh oh another one that drives me nuts is when they talk about their carb intake- omg I just ate 3 choc covered peanuts and I’m bloated! Gosh I’m gonna gain 10 lbs....

And they know good n well that they mostly survive on lettuce and carrots.... choc covered nuts happens once in 6 months...
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imorethanamother









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 3:40 pm
ahuva06 wrote:

On Instagram I mostly follow food bloggers so I get inspiration on what to cook (I love cooking) and photographers because I think photography is super cool.


I love certain food bloggers - and I'm so impressionable so a lot of my dinners are just because someone's random meal made me uncontrollably hungry. Smile

But have you noticed that some food bloggers are also going down this path? They're a food blogger, but they're now being used as a marketing device and it's just ruining everything. Like, you cook food, why are you at [insert dress store here] showing me all the outfits? Why are you suddenly shopping ALL THE TIME, and taking a gazillion pictures about, say, napkin rings? And I like the way you make a salad, but why do you think I care so much about your thoughts and feelings for the morning that it's now become your regular routine?

I'd like to give a shoutout to Between Carpools. I love their content. They make it about the articles, and it doesn't feel self-serving to me.
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amother




Silver


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 3:56 pm
I totally agree. Beauty bloggers that are filtered up on Instagram preaching about loving yourself are just so random. I love makeup but you just do makeup... you’re not more than that.
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amother




Pewter


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 4:05 pm
Oh I love this post!!! I just deleted Instagram account after being on there for 3 years. My brain was so affected. I started viewing myself as ugly. Each time I looked in the mirror I was like oh gosh my nose is so long. My wig is so old fashion with those side bangs !! I went on crash diets to look like those ppl I followed. I started developing a serious inferior complex. Till I hit the delete button and now I'm so much more content!!
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