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Son confuses emotional with physical pain

 
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amother




Yellow


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 10:29 pm
My 8 year old son has a tendency to mislabel why he is crying.

For example: He got frustrated with his homework and started crying that his eyes hurt

or I asked him about his day and I guess it was a hard one so he cried that hes cold.

last example, I asked him if he wants to sleep at his friend and he teared up and said his nose hurts. I asked him if his nose really hurt or if he was nervous about sleeping away from home. He agreed he was nervous.

How can I get him more comfortable with his feelings and more in touch with his emotions?
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amother




Bisque


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 10:41 pm
Take him to a speech therapist who can help teach him how to express himself properly.

I've seen it work wonders on someone close to me.
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nchr









  


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 10:52 pm
How old is he? I wouldn't expect a toddler to be in tune with emotions yet.
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amother




Yellow


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 11:12 pm
nchr wrote:
How old is he? I wouldn't expect a toddler to be in tune with emotions yet.


My original post says he's 8 years old.
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amother




Yellow


Post  Thu, Nov 08 2018, 11:13 pm
amother wrote:
Take him to a speech therapist who can help teach him how to express himself properly.

I've seen it work wonders on someone close to me.


Can you explain more?
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dankbar









  


Post  Fri, Nov 09 2018, 7:46 am
I dont think its a speech problem he just has a hard time sharing his emotions with you & wants to seem macho & not admitting to you that something emotionally is bothering him like most men do. Its an ego thing. He wants you think of him as big & not a baby that is afraid to go away to his friend so he diverts your attention away at something else. Also if its too hard to deal emotionally body sends physomatic aches instead.
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amother




Amethyst


Post  Fri, Nov 09 2018, 10:18 am
amother wrote:
My 8 year old son has a tendency to mislabel why he is crying.

For example: He got frustrated with his homework and started crying that his eyes hurt

or I asked him about his day and I guess it was a hard one so he cried that hes cold.

last example, I asked him if he wants to sleep at his friend and he teared up and said his nose hurts. I asked him if his nose really hurt or if he was nervous about sleeping away from home. He agreed he was nervous.

How can I get him more comfortable with his feelings and more in touch with his emotions?


Emotional pain often does manifest itself physically, although most people aren't aware when that happens (ex., think about how stress leads to high blood pressure and stroke/heart attack, but in less extreme, think about someone grinding their teeth from stress but not even realizing it).

It's possible he's actually experiencing those physical feelings as a manifestation of his emotional stresses, so rather than deny or dismiss them (or think of him as mislabeling it), I'd try using it as a jumping off point to discuss his anxieties.

"Your eyes hurt? That sounds unpleasant. When did your eyes start hurting? What do you think it can be from? Do you think your frustration about your homework is resting in your eyes?" This way you're validating his physical pain and helping him tune in to when physical pain is coming from emotions.
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amother




Lawngreen


Post  Fri, Nov 09 2018, 10:52 am
I still had this issue as an adult. Good for you for picking up on it. I went for therapy, with a few different therapists, and what helped most, and what I was advised to do in turn with my kids, is emotional mirroring. If you tell your son "you seem upset",he may perceive you as annoying. If you mirror his emotion by the compassion you convey in your expression and tone, he will be more receptive. Then, for example if hesaid that bis eyes hurt, you can say, "I see that your eyes look sad. Is there anything making them sad?" Also, when he does express an emotion, never ever invalidate it! Make sure he feels safe with you.
Finally, find ways to share your own experiences. For example, "sometimes when I am worried my stomach feels sick". Or, "Right now I am upset about xyz and my head feels hot."
Hope that helps!
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amother




Blue


Post  Fri, Nov 09 2018, 12:32 pm
I have this with my 6old DD who is actually very emotionaly expressive she was complaining about stomach pains all the time and was very hurt when she perceived that I didn't think her stomach was really hurting...took her to the Dr twice mainly to validate her the DR one of the things the DR explained was that when she is nervous her stomach will actually physically hurt and the tricky part is how to sell that to the child
Like yes I know ur stomach is hurting but there is nothing wrong with u and then maybe when their not upset discuss what they were feeling then that might have cause the stomach ache I'm still working on my daughter but im already seeing major improvement she used to constantly complain about it and it's deff less now
Good luck!
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amother




Yellow


Post  Thu, Nov 15 2018, 5:13 pm
Thanks everyone. I am thinking he may benefit from a play therapist or something. I need to look into it.
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