Utterly disgusted by DD's teacher re: $$$$$

amother

Smokey

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:27 pm

I hope she reads this.

DD goes to a great school in Lakewood and there is one particular teacher in charge of yearbook. She takes her job very seriously and I'm sure means well. However, last week DD came home and hasn't stopped badgering DH and me for $150, due asap, to cover yearbook expenses. Now, things like this come up in 8th grade, and we fully expect it but it's unreasonable IMHO to give parents less than 2 weeks to come up with it. Um, some of us are only paid every 2 weeks. DD is frantic about being shamed should she show up without it, as the (tactless) teacher said over and over that the money is due. She pretty much made it clear that if you don't bring it you might as well not show up. I don't have it right now so I'll probably borrow from my SIL for a few days, which is fine and totally besides the point. The teacher didn't put the excitement on the yearbook, or 8th grade activities. Her speech was all about money and how to solicit and weasel it out of friends and family. DD wondered aloud what this teacher's problem is and why she's so money hungry. I obviously didn't tell her that this teacher B"H had the privilege of growing up rich and marrying into money and likely has no idea how the real world works. The tone of the letter the teacher sent home is demeaning and condescending. In general, DD claims this teacher always talks down to the class. I'm attaching page 1 of the packet, trust me it doesn't get better on subsequent pages. It contains Q&As that basically reiterate bring money, bring money, bring money. The principal trusts this teacher so I doubt she looked over the packet.

I'm not planning to address this anywhere else, but I was wondering if it's just me or does anyone else detect the condescending and demanding overtones in this note?

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:36 pm

I agree with you, I remember the terrible pressure of bringing in enough ad $ when I was in 12th grade for the yearbook. The teacher in charge was very unkind and had no understanding that your average 17 year old frum girl may not have enough relatives to ask or feel comfortable with soliciting local businesses for ads....

Miri7

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:37 pm

This is, IMO, very inappropriate. If the school needs to raise money to cover "the cost of graduation pictures and other graduation expenses" it should be included in tuition, or parents should be told about it as an extra fee in addition to tuition, and should be given notice about it during the summer/early fall so parents can plan and budget for it.

In no case should the girls be asked for the money.

But also - is it for "the class to cover the cost of producing our beautiful yearbook"? What? In all schools I know about, the school pays some of the cost, and each family buys one or more yearbooks (they aren't cheap!).

I also think that a mandatory "give/get" is NEVER Appropriate for children, and usually only appropriate for adults in certain contexts when the participation is optional (like having a give/get to serve on a board - you don't have to participate on a board if you don't want to fundraise).

I'd be upset about this, too. This teacher is clearly more focused on her beautiful yearbook "with excellent literature and memorable pages" product than on instilling sensitivity and concern for others in her students.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:45 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I don't think there is anything specifically different with your daughters yearbook requirements than any other school. I had to do this in elementary school and highschool and if I didn't have relatives to assist I needed my parents to foot the bill. This is standard procedure.

I agree.

ra_mom

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:47 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

This. Except for the line about soliciting ads from others. Surprised

I think it should be worded and discussed differently. Like ads from family and friends are welcome. The class that brings in the most ads will win x. Etc.
And there should be no threats about more money being needed at the end of this if enough money isn't raised.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:51 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I agree that the requirements sound similar to other schools, but I also agree with the OP that the tone is all wrong.

The tone is harsh and demanding instead of being encouraging and suggestive. And moreover, why is this the first page of an entire booklet? Is covering the costs of a yearbook the primary goal here, or is it creating a memorable book for the girls? Reading this gives me the impression, you better bring in the money - and quickly- or else..!

Simple1

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:57 pm

The schools usually ask for money to cover printing costs and graduation pictures. We weren't asked to collect- I paid out of pocket. It's not the teacher's fault. But she should be more sensitive about pressuring students and be careful not to embarrass them.

Last edited by Simple1 on Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

WhatFor

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:58 pm

I agree with Miri7. Yes, this was SOP when I was in elementary school as well, but that doesn't make it okay. (And we also never got a letter as crazy as that.) I file this under the same policies that have teachers withholding report cards from kids if their parents haven't paid tuition. A school shouldn't make kids fundraise or make a kid suffer from their parents' inability to pay.

That letter takes it to the next level though.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 7:01 pm

amother wrote:

Thank you for putting it into better words than I did. This is exactly the impression I got, and I'm so turned off by it!

Thunderstorm and others, I also remember similar procedures from when I graduated elementary and high school. For some reason, I didn't feel so threatened. DD looks seriously anxious about it.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 7:04 pm

amother wrote:

Maybe it is time to rethink standard procedures.

I've wondered about those ads. Does anyone ever even give them a side glance? I'd be more appreciate if my relatives got me a personal gift with that money, instead of it just filling a page in a yearbook that no one will ever turn to.

The schools can just state the fee of the yearbook, and let each individual figure out how to pay for it. I'd probably come out ahead this way, as will many others. This will also cut the size of the yearbook as well, lowering the costs of it too.

If soliciting ads serve as a fundraising tactic for the school, then I don't think it's fair to put this pressure on the girls. If not done a fundraising tactic, what is the benefit of this for the girls?

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 7:14 pm

Then you anyway end up in OP's position...scrounging around for the extra couple hundred dollars by a certain deadline. I'm still resentful when I think about the enormous pressure we had in high school....it was a very nice yearbook, professionally printed and bound (hardcover), nicer than the other B.Y. yearbooks from other schools, but basically the school took it too seriously, they saw it as a PR tool, not really as a memory book for the girls.
I never would have asked my parents for an extra dime. This was over 20 years ago, so trying to save up the three hundred bucks or so from babysitting wasn't really realistic. I think babysitting rates were about $3 an hour then, lol. And I needed the money for other school extra curricular stuff.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 7:21 pm

amother wrote:

Out of curiosity, how many of us have opened that yearbook past the ninth grade?

happymom123

Mon, Nov 12 2018, 7:42 pm

amother wrote:

Not really. I felt terrible about having to do that. When you aren't born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you know the pressure it can put on other people when you ask for money.
I think there's a huge split in the frum world between the haves and the have-nots....

I was raised without a silver spoon in sight and I didn't see the yearbook fee as unattainable because it was presented in a warm way with ideas of how to get enough ads. We had fun with it and ended up splitting ads with friends to buy ads for other friends to bring up our totals. This teacher has a problem with the focus of her yearbook campaign, it's about the experience, not the money and having a principal tell her that will help the girls have a positive experience.