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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Utterly disgusted by DD's teacher re: $$$$$
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 5:46 pm
Wow. I didn't know that Lakewood schools do this. DD's yearbook (with over 200 graduates) had a set fee (I don't remember what that was, TTYTT). Everyone paid the same amount, and you were entitled to at most 3 ads - from your parents, and each of your grandparents - that's it.

DD's senior yearbook had no ads.

I'm really sorry OP. I agree, it's totally unnecessary. Doesn't make 8th grade any more exciting to have that kind of pressure.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 5:52 pm
amother wrote:
Not really. I felt terrible about having to do that. When you aren't born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you know the pressure it can put on other people when you ask for money.
I think there's a huge split in the frum world between the haves and the have-nots....


Amen. I used my own (hard-earned) money to pay for things like yearbook and senior sweatshirts in both elementary and high school. My parents couldn't afford tuition, let alone any extras.

Yearbook was an especially bitter pill to swallow - it seemed useless, it was shockingly expensive, and in elementary school I was bullied endlessly, and I had no desire to stay connected to most of those girls. My parents were pretty clueless - my dad wanted to know if he could advertise his business in it, and when he couldn't, he lost interest. I designed and submitted my own ads announcing how "proud we are" from my family. It was rotten, and it left a bitter feeling in my heart.

I think I kept my elementary school yearbook for a few years, just because I'd paid for it. Today, if I found it, I would burn it.

I don't think I ever picked up my high school yearbook from the school.
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amother
Red


 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:08 pm
Yes, op this is how it iz in most schools. Yes it is demeaning when u dont have the money and others always have it. I know bec I had no money in high school and my father couldnt give me and my 11 sibilings each time the school needed 25 for this chagiga or 120 for shabbatons or 135 for graduation....

The money asking"" doesnt stop but it is standard procedure. I agree it should not be standard but since majority of parents expects there to be a yearbook, pictures, trips, chagigas....then they will have to pay.

So, is it really the teacher at fault here or is she just making sure to collect the money so that the girls can have a yearbook?? Yes, I can understand how hard it is for us parents who are struggling with bills and other priorities.

I personally feel that a yearbook is nice but not worth it when struggling to pay basics but parents expect it.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:08 pm
b"H we wold be considered "haves". We don't even like giving out "grandparents" addresses because we don't want people to try to fundraise from them. We pay everything ourselves. Thankfully we can but I don't think this is a have vs have not. A year book doesn't have to be a big deal, its ok if its on the computer or spiral bound or whatever, the key is to keep it affordable, same thing with graduation trip... if you give it on a cd then those who want can print it all fancy, most won't care/

its an awareness about money and not spending other peoples money. And Im pretty sure someone told my brother that he was born with a silverspoon in his mouth so no I didn't grow up having to earn my own way.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:25 pm
I have fun memories of going with my friends to local businesses to ask them to sponsor ads in our 8th grade yearbook. A lot of them were very friendly and forthcoming. And the goal was that the more money we raised, the more color pages could be included. We went with a DIY publishing scheme and became the first class in our school to have a color yearbook.

So definitely the aggressive tone is not very motivating, but the idea of having students contribute to the cost of what is really not a basic educational necessity, and is really for their own enjoyment, sounds very normal to me. Maybe they should offer the opportunity to come up with other fundraising ideas as well, though. That's kind of what G.O. is all about, no?
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 6:53 pm
Lol I didn't know there was so many ways to say the exact same thing. The whole letter could have been cut down to 2 sentences.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 8:28 pm
amother wrote:
Not really. I felt terrible about having to do that. When you aren't born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you know the pressure it can put on other people when you ask for money.
I think there's a huge split in the frum world between the haves and the have-nots....


Exactly this. When your family is already dirt poor and your clothing is from gmachim it's embarrassing to have to reach out to people for more money, especially something as frivolous as a yearbook when you regularly take tzedakah for things like food. And you know that asking parents in these situations really means asking your parents to ask someone for tzedakah. And not everyone has relatives they can reach out to. And I don't know what life experience girls get from going around asking for tzedakah for a school. Teach girls to do a bake sale, or something, but collecting leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
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Purple2




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 8:36 pm
Op, why don’t you call the principal. It does sound like this teacher can use a lot of sensitivity training. If it was me, I would definitely call or she’ll keep living in her bubble and hurting a lot of girls along the way. I can imagine that there are many other nervous, sad and anxious girls now because of this. That’s really not ok.
Also, that letter is completely juvenile and should not have been sent to parents. I would let the principal know that all correspondence should be checked by the administration. I would be shocked if that was the case here.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 8:37 pm
All the schools I've experienced have been very sensitive to this. They are careful for those who are cash strapped not to feel embarrassed and even cover frivolous costs for kids who can't . The principal might not approve of the tone. The teacher doesn't have the skill set to be a principal. Why not call the principal and say you're embarrassed that it'll tatake some more time to send it in and you're very concerned your dd shouldn't be made outo to feel nebach.......
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 9:56 pm
Is it not enough that I rant about politics, seminary, and handbags? Must I now add yearbooks to the the list of things I'm known to have, ahem, opinions about?

What makes these yearbooks cost $150? Are they bound in lambskin and edged in 24K gold?

There are plenty of online options for printing low-cost softcover and even hardcover photo albums. If that doesn't work for whatever reason, there are local printers who can certainly do the job for less than $150 per book.

And here's an idea: why not have the girls do the layout, photography, and art themselves? Yes, it will look less professional, but that's part of the charm of an 8th grade yearbook.

Listen, I agree that an 8th grade yearbook is a nice thing. But yearbooks that cost $150 for children finishing elementary school? Honey, if you want to charge me $150 for a yearbook, I expect to see M.D., J.D., or Ph.D. after my kid's name!
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 10:15 pm
I did not grow up in the US and when I moved here I did not understand the whole yearbook culture at all. I still don't, tbh.

We made yearbooks, which were pretty much photocopies stapled together, with just as many memories, photos, etc. as I've seen in the ones here - but with zero cost other than the actual photocopying. No yearbook pics (we used regular class photos), no hardcover, no professional binding.

And I still have mine 20 years later and enjoy flicking through it each when when I Pesach clean.
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 10:23 pm
I agree. This note is super pushy.
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devash1




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 12 2018, 11:30 pm
Were in Israel and my 8th grade daughter fundraised the whole year so the parents wouldn't have to pay anything for the yearbook. They worked really hard and organized everything themselves so they had fun in the process. I agree that is not nice how they're putting pressure on you like this.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 13 2018, 12:02 am
Wait, 8th grade?!? If it was senior year I’d have a little understanding, but 8th grade?
It’s only a momento for that class. No one else cares!
Where are the fun fundraisers and calling rNdom businesses during class time?
I’d call the principal and tell him that 14 year old girls should nit be bullied for money. If they are lacking, more creative fundraising ideas are needed.
If it’s so important to the teacher to have a fancy coffee table book, she could pay the difference.

(We had a spiral bound paperback. Printed at kinko's. Still my favorite even though I haven’t talked to the other girls in years.)
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Tue, Nov 13 2018, 5:11 am
Thank you Fox, I needed that laugh.

I'm not calling the principal because I don't want to make any more waves in the school than I already do. I'm also afraid of the backlash from the teacher if she finds out it's me. DD has to get into high school and if the teacher finds out that it's from me she may badmouth her. In Lakewood the opinions of the 8th grade teachers hold a lot of weight and I would never do that anything to hurt DD's chances.

I just needed to vent, and to double check if I was reading into things that weren't there. It's been interesting to read the perspectives presented here, even from those who disagree with me on this.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 13 2018, 9:51 am
Wait a minute.

"The initial payment of $150"

INITIAL? Doesn't that imply that there will be further fees coming?

Not only do schools kill you with tuition, then they nickle and dime you to death with every little thing when you least expect it.

I absolutely hate that Jewish schools do this. Like OP, there were many times when I was caught short by a sudden school expense, and it was really awkward. Like OP's DD, my DD was anxious and embarrassed by not having as much money as the other girls.

These schools need a good dose of Chofetz Chaim, and learn how important it is to preserve these girls' dignity. Especially in the delicate and formative middle school years.
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:10 am
I have to agree with Fox in not understanding how or why an 8th grade yearbook would cost $150 per child.

This is the age of desk top publishing and they have all kinds of programs in which it is super easy to create pages combining text and photos. When I was in high school, there was a group of girls who created the Yearbook and then took to the printer. This was before the age of desk top publishing so I am sure it is even simpler now - create pages - go to Ginkos or any other printing establishment.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:18 am
amother wrote:
b"H we wold be considered "haves". We don't even like giving out "grandparents" addresses because we don't want people to try to fundraise from them. We pay everything ourselves. Thankfully we can but I don't think this is a have vs have not. A year book doesn't have to be a big deal, its ok if its on the computer or spiral bound or whatever, the key is to keep it affordable, same thing with graduation trip... if you give it on a cd then those who want can print it all fancy, most won't care/

its an awareness about money and not spending other peoples money. And Im pretty sure someone told my brother that he was born with a silverspoon in his mouth so no I didn't grow up having to earn my own way.


BH We are also haves. My beef is the school is constantly coming up with more expenses without warning.

Yesterday, my daughter came home and needs $200 by Thursday for testing. Last week was $130 for a Shabboton. Two weeks ago, it was $45 for a sweatshirt. It's constantly $10 for a lunch for this and that activity.

I asked the school at the beginning of the year to put everything together, and we will pay everything up front. None of these expenses are not unknown at the beginning of the year. The disorganization drives me crazy.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:22 am
amother wrote:

I asked the school at the beginning of the year to put everything together, and we will pay everything up front. None of these expenses are not unknown at the beginning of the year. The disorganization drives me crazy.


I asked, BEGGED, that the school would total up the costs at the beginning of the year. They told me that they can't do that because they never know when expenses will come up.

Don't even get me started on mandatory bat mitzvah cash presents for the other girls in the class.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:31 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
Wait a minute.

"The initial payment of $150"

INITIAL? Doesn't that imply that there will be further fees coming?

Not only do schools kill you with tuition, then they nickle and dime you to death with every little thing when you least expect it.

I absolutely hate that Jewish schools do this. Like OP, there were many times when I was caught short by a sudden school expense, and it was really awkward. Like OP's DD, my DD was anxious and embarrassed by not having as much money as the other girls.

These schools need a good dose of Chofetz Chaim, and learn how important it is to preserve these girls' dignity. Especially in the delicate and formative middle school years.


In DD's senior year, that fee included the graduation trip. It was one fee, not an initial fee.

My experience in Lakewood schools has been expense containment. I must be really naive - I thought that all the schools here were similar.
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