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Ds bar mitzvah -too many boys - wwyd?



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amother
Lime


 

Post Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:12 pm
Ds switched classes and grades last year. His new class is at the end of bar mitzvah season and his old class is just starting. DS Bar mitzvah is in a few months. Starting to plan ahead with caterer I.e. cost. DS has been invited to bar mitzvahs from the new class he joined and of course we would invite all of them- there are 45 kids in the class. His old class has 20 kids. The old class has started inviting him to their bar mitzvahs which is sooo nice, but does that mean I have to invite the entire old class- that's 65 boys total. We are doing a big Kiddush and then a suedat mitzvah the next day. Is it wrong to just invite the old class to the Shabbat celebration and the new class to both???
The thought of 65 boys at a bar mitzvah is a bit daunting and I feel we would need some really good way of keeping them focused and not act whacky as this age can do.
But also- that's expensive!! I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and ds is happy with whatever we want- he did not love his old class, but it is so nice of the old classmates to think of him. I don't think we should only invite those boys who invited him to Sunday as the other boys did not have their bar mitzvahs yet, so that's not really fair. I feel like its all or none...
Thoughts??
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amother
Puce


 

Post Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:36 pm
Who does your son feel he'd want there?

Most people I know in this situation did invite both but Idk if it was so many.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Tue, Nov 13 2018, 11:13 pm
Maybe I'm different than most.. but I'd invite the friends and classmates - all of them - to the kiddush; and leave the seudah for the adults and immediate family only. A Bar Mitzvah becomes as expensive as a wedding if not kept in check.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 13 2018, 11:34 pm
Lately I've been seeing many boys inviting friends just for the Shabbos event.... For the kiddush as well as for a shabbos lunch/ shalosh seudos.

I've seen a number of people either skip the weekday event entirely and take the bar mitzvah boy to Eretz Yisroel or do a smaller weekday event geared towards family.
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sub




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 14 2018, 12:00 am
Is there a rule in his yeshiva pertaining to bar mitzvas? Some yeshivas don't allow any boys. Some allow only half a class. Some yeshivas have a special supper in school. Some allow the whole class but for a limited time. Depends where you live
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amother
Lime


 

Post Wed, Nov 14 2018, 5:01 pm
The school's policy is to invite all the boys in the class. Which I agree with 100% and DS wants to have his classmates at the celebration on Sunday (just like his brother's had). It just gets sticky with the old class, I was hoping since he was not on their c;lass list he would have been left out and then this would not be an issue....
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sub




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 14 2018, 7:08 pm
Ok then can you remove some items from your menu? Or less expensive centerpieces etc. We had beautiful simchas with a tight budget
Spending less on food and decorations and hall might allow you to have all the boys
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sub




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 14 2018, 7:13 pm
As for behavior. Perhaps you can start a trend where they come for a certain time example 7:30-9:00
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