Almost 5 year old- afraid of decisions

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Nov 15 2018, 9:32 am

Not sure what to call it so I chose 'afraid of decisions ' but not sure if that's 100% accurate.
Basically he wants a bit of everything and then ends up losing because of it. This happens numerous times a day. But an extreme example is a treat I'm giving for a specific reason, he'll say he doesn't want it he wants a different treat then cant pick between the 2 and ends up taking a long time and everyone gets upset. If I give only 1 option its like the world has come to an end.
This happens with everything.
I don't think we give him too many options, its like he does it to himself and then loses out.
I'm basically At wits end

because everything turns in to a melt down plus I feel bad for him because he ends up getting so frustrated with himself.

Its hard to explain the situation exactly, hope it's clear...

Any suggestions??

groovy1224

Thu, Nov 15 2018, 9:34 am

Maybe try giving him a time limit to make the decision. Mommy's going to count to 5 and if you don't pick one you don't get any.

The first few times he may be unable to and throw an absolute fit, but hopefully eventually he will learn to make a decision and he won't be so scared to do so in the future. Something is better than nothing, after all.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Nov 15 2018, 9:51 am

groovy1224 wrote:

Like I said before it will seem like the world has come to an end if I try that, it's just not worth it.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Nov 15 2018, 9:52 am

pesek zman wrote:

Sounds like anxiety. Does it manifest itself in other ways?

Can u elaborate on what other ways u mean? It's not only about treats, like I wrote before.

pesek zman

Thu, Nov 15 2018, 10:09 am

amother wrote:

Can u elaborate on what other ways u mean? It's not only about treats, like I wrote before.

It sounds like he suffers from anxiety. Have you noticed anxiety in any other areas of his life? School? Social? Etc?

groovy1224

Thu, Nov 15 2018, 10:37 am

amother wrote:

Like I said before it will seem like the world has come to an end if I try that, it's just not worth it.

It's worth it a few times if it empowers him to be able to make decisions. This is assuming he doesn't have underlying anxiety issues that need to be addressed. But if it's just this one behavior then sometimes you have to ride out the world-is-ending tantrums.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Nov 15 2018, 11:39 am

pesek zman wrote:

It sounds like he suffers from anxiety. Have you noticed anxiety in any other areas of his life? School? Social? Etc?

He's cautious in many areas but I wouldn't say anxious. He's the oldest so a lot of experiences are new for all of us but all in all he overcomes it pretty well. Like starting a new school - he was nervous but acclimated well bh. He has a lot of friends bh.

Gut

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 4:15 pm

That sounds like my daughter. I try to give her everyday opportunities to praxis making descions. For example: The first time she needed to choose between two candies it took her 1 h. It ended in tears. Now it takes her "just" 10 min.

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 4:53 pm

Yeah, I spoke to some people and they all said its normal because he's just a sensitive person. Nothing wrong with that.
I hope it will serve him well in life if he learns to regulate. Hoping to teach him the tools for that.
And - daven, daven, daven!

FranticFrummie

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 7:40 pm

What I did, was offer a healthy snack, and a nosh. If DD couldn't decide, I'd tell her that she could have both, on the condition that she ate the healthy snack first.

Or, you could divide the treats, and give him a half a portion of each one. A handful of M&Ms or a whole cookie could be too much info to process. A plate with a half a cookie and just a few M&Ms will solve the problem right there.

Pick out clothes then night before, so there's no panicked and cranky rush in the morning. That alone will eliminate a lot of meltdowns. Ask him to pick out pajamas before bath time, so he's not standing there shivering while trying to decide between fire trucks and cowboys.

Try to figure out when these tantrums start, what the triggers are, and what you can do to stop them before they start. With a plan in mind, then you can offer limited choices without feeling pressured for time.

Choice anxiety is very common at this age, but keep an eye on it. If he starts showing distress in other areas, it's time for an evaluation.