When a parent favours one child over another

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Royalblue

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 8:16 am

Mendy is an adorable young child wiith a real "gutte neshomo".
The problem is Mendy's father has always preferred Mendy's brother Dovid to Mendy and this has been obvious to see.
Dovid is much cleverer then Mendy and Mendy has health issues and Dovid doesn't.
The fathers attitude has rubbed off onto Dovid who can be really unkind to Mendy at times.
The mother feels very close to her sons but does try to make it up to Mendy because of his fathers lack of care. For some reason Mendy does feel close to his father.
The parents are divorced.
My main question is when a child is made to feel that they are inferior and second best to their brother what can one do to boost the child and make him confident and feel good about himself. Therapy is not the way forward for Mendy

amother

Khaki

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 8:41 am

Try to spend some time only with him, like taking only him to the grocery or taking only him along to a simcha. Do something special with him, like go out for ice cream with him or take him to a store where he can pick some prize for himself. That's what we do to one child who feels cheated because the other one were always bz with due to illness.

Learning

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 12:51 am

Tell him how special and adorable he is. Over and over again every day and tell him you love him all the time. He will believe you if you say it with all you heart. And he will love himself and believe in himself.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 8:15 am

The best thing to do is keep them separated as much as possible. "Stay away from evil and do good." Keep the negativity away from him, and build him up.

Perhaps split the visits so its only one boy at a time. Is that an option?

marvelous

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 9:12 am

Get him some lessons for something, or put him in a choir - develop a talent that he has so that he has something more than others. Work with the more beloved brother (in therapy and at home) to increase empathy.
Do a project with them that would require the input of both, with different responsibilities for each of them.

carnation

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 11:16 am

amother wrote:

Is Mendy older than Dovid?

oneofakind

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 9:46 pm

Teach Mendy to either be assertive with David or ignore his unkindness. If you are too protective, which would be totally understandable under these circumstances, Mendy will feel weak. If he learns how to handle it himself he will feel strong and empowered which is true self esteem.

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