Which mesivta takes cool boys and they end up yeshivish?

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 10:25 am

My son is going through a stage ( I hope it’s a stage)
He’s trying to be a bit rebellious and wants to be cool.
We are yeshivish and understand that we have to let him figure things out on his own to a certain extent
He is capable of learning well but doesn’t want to apply himself these days.
Trying to find a high school for him. Don’t want to send him to a place with all cool boys..., but can’t send him somewhere where he’ll feel stifled.
Need a yeshiva that can handle boys going through this stage but they turn out fine at the end.
Does such a place exist?

leah233

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 10:38 am

I'm no Chinuch/Yeshiva expert and I don't know your son so I may be ridiculously off but
you probably should look for a place that has a mixture of cool and more serious boys.

If he is only looking to be cool and rebel a little it is unlikly he belongs in a Yeshiva "that works with boys and makes them..." Those Yeshivos are usually dealing with boys who have more serious issues.

If you are in Brooklyn maybe look into a place like Torah Vodaas or Chaim Berlin.

naturalmom5

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 11:59 am

You really need to be honest with yourself and think about what you really want...

Do you want your son to be a carbon copy of you and follow your derech to the exclusion of all else or are you more concerned that he has a happy, healthy, productive life.

If it is the first, maybe consider Neemus HaTorah in Baltimore, or any of the so called "Chiller" places in Lakewood.. He will go through high school, and hopefully when he is 19/20 and has no solid education or career path, he can be "encouraged" to behave and play the game , especially if you have money... Often, when is in his late 20s, he realizes that he really wants to be like his family...

OTOH, if it second and he is a very smart boy, I would look into a place like TABC.. It might be your hashkafa exactly, but they will give him an excellent education and self-esteem..

In the end, he can be "cool", with an education, career path and a life... Or he can be "cool", and in the street, Chas V Shalom...

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 12:06 pm

I agree with naturalmom's first two statements.

But as someone with a nephew going to TABC (coming from Ashar in Monsey), I would not recommend that to a boy coming from a yeshivish family. He would be totally out of his range in a place like that. He will never (not likely, in any case) be able to integrate into a yeshivish yeshiva, should he desire to do so at a later stage, from a place like that.

A friend of mine just told me something she does with her boys that is perhaps unrelated to the topic but so important to keep in mind. She said as a parent it's our job to be preemptive.

Your son wants to be cool? Don't make him beg you to get him that which fills him. Go out and buy him something cool. Show him what a cool parent you can be. He will feel you are on his side, and you love him unconditionally. He may be more open to getting at least some guidance from you, if he feels that you get him.

mha3484

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 12:24 pm

I have seen some boys like that do well at Skokie Yeshiva but its not for everyone. WITS in Milwaukee seems to also attract a lighter yeshivish crowd as well based on boys in my community who go there.

penguin

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 12:27 pm

Shaarei Arazim comes to mind. I don't know if they're cool but definitely less pressure, they can do band, acrobatics, woodworking. They turn out some really serious learning boys.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 12:37 pm

I think he might be a good candidate for one of the Chofetz Chaim branches. WITS in Milwakee, MTI in St. Louis, PTI in Vacouver come to mind. I don't think the Miami branch takes too many dorm boys for high school so probably not that one. There are more branches too, including one in Staten Island, if you are looking for the TriState area.

amother

Brown

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 12:39 pm

How will he react to the hanhala shoving the yeshiva culture at the boys and punishment for not complying ?

You really need to know that to know which way to go.

And what type of cool?

Wants to express fashion or wants to vape and alcohol. Different yeshiva for different types.

Can you tell more details so maybe I can give you a better idea.

amother

Coral

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 1:33 pm

I have a son who sounds similar to yours OP. We are yeshivish and sent him to yeshivish schools, but eventually he realized he didn't really belong there and needed something else. He switched to Chaim Berlin and B"H really blossomed there!

There's a solid mix of serious learning as well as some much more cool and with-it boys, so he can definitely find his place. The only thing is that I'm not sure how much supervision and control there is, so if you're worried that he will sink to the lowest denominator, that could be a concern.

amother

Jade

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 1:53 pm

Look up Binyomin Strauss in Lakewood . He meets boys and parents and makes recommendations for which high schools would be a good fit . Perhaps he can help .

Hatzlacha!

amother

Jade

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 1:56 pm

I know you didnt ask but I'll share in case this helps. I try to have extra kavana in v haarev na, when I daven in the morning.

Also the yesod haadam class by Rebetzin Tukachinsky had some really nice ideas that may help you address the source of where his dissatisfaction may be stemming from.

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 5:26 pm

(I don't think Neimus Hatorah is the right fit for such a boy.)
A lot of these suggestions seem to be for kids who can't sit still or are not so yeshivish and don't seem so on the mark to me.

By rebellious do you mean slacking in halachic observance, or do you mean slacking in school and dressing cool? Very different scenarios.

I would look for a smaller yeshiva that the rabbeim can work with the boy and make a kesher with him and also overlook some of the externals that don't really affect a boy's yiddishkeit. I actually have been looking into yeshivos for my son, but for other factors but it could be that some of what I heard could help you.

For example, Minneapolis came highly, highly recommended. We know a few of the rabbeim, really top notch. They are smaller and form a kesher with the boys and the boys are good boys. But I was told they have a more "with it/cool" crowd which may work in your favor. (It doesn't for me because my son is not with it, and needs a smaller yeshiva for other reasons Smile

)

amother

Brunette

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 7:05 pm

amother wrote:

Isnt chaim berlin yeshivish?

boysrus

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 8:19 pm

maybe look into Norfolk Virginia. it sounds like it might be a good fit.

https://www.yeshivasaishkodesh.com/

I know a few boys who really turned around there and loved it, and felt loved!