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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
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amother
Seafoam
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 Wed, Nov 21 2018, 2:41 pm
Pretty, pretty please?
What will it take to make this finally happen?
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Rubber Ducky
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 3:04 pm
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Not a trend exactly — the volume of music at simchas has been a problem for decades.
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serenity8843
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 3:07 pm
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My husband and I met with the guy in charge of the band before the wedding to discuss the songs and we asked that the music should not be deafening. It worked.
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amother
Seafoam
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 3:22 pm
| Rubber Ducky wrote: | | Not a trend exactly — the volume of music at simchas has been a problem for decades. |
Ok, granted. But WHY?
And when did this become standard?
The volume is truly migraine-inducing! And impedes all normal conversation.
Ladies, let's devise a plan to make it STOP. Anyone with me?
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amother
Ruby
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 3:31 pm
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I agree 100%. You can't carry on a normal conversation when the music is playing. It can be frustrating when you're trying to catch up with friends and relatives that you haven't seen in a while.
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amother
Pink
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 4:21 pm
the baalei simchas need to want it. before our wedding we told the band and even during my wedding I asked for it to be lowered because my idea of not too loud is quieter then most  I was talking to me dh about movie theaters- we both agreed they are too loud... if more and more people asked for it to b e quieter then it will, money talks
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amother
Emerald
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 5:25 pm
If more of us mothers told the band to keep it lower, and NOT TO BE INFLUENCED by the stupid 19 year old chosson friends, that would help.
It's not normal when you shout in someone's ear and they STILL can't hear you.
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amother
Teal
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 5:50 pm
I had the girl, and I begged my mechutenisteh to talk to the band. At one point during the Kabolas Ponim! yes, before the dancing, I walked out, waving to the band leader (I had told him I have a medical condition & can't tolerate loud music, especially the heavy boom of the drums). So he lowered it a bit.
During dancing I went & hid in the family room. He came to me to apologize. I told him, look, if I could play beautiful music with such talent as you have, and I felt it was more beautiful with higher volume, I'd also be frustrated to have a parent like me. But I'm telling you I can't lose my daughter's whole sheva brochos week which will happen if I get sick from this. (It's a heart condition.) He did try to accomodate. I felt a little dumb causing a scene.... if it's not my child I am definitely upstairs/outside (if it's a hall with no place to go, I leave or stay home.)
My friend's husband has a pacemaker. I don't remember which wedding, whether he was the father of chosson or kallah, or grandfather more recently, and when they told band leader he can't be in the room with this volume, they said, "Okay, he can go out."
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amother
Azure
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 5:56 pm
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amother
Silver
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 8:20 pm
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At my wedding I requested that they lower the music but the band refused to do so stating that the guys like it loud and if they lower it, they'll lose money because people won't hire them. I was pretty upset at that response but there wasn't much I could do..
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amother
Taupe
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 8:22 pm
| amother wrote: |
Ladies, let's devise a plan to make it STOP. Anyone with me? |
Wanna make a poll to see who's with you? I'm with you, all ten fingers and toes :-)
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PinkFridge
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 8:32 pm
| amother wrote: | If more of us mothers told the band to keep it lower, and NOT TO BE INFLUENCED by the stupid 19 year old chosson friends, that would help.
It's not normal when you shout in someone's ear and they STILL can't hear you. |
The band needs to be influenced by whoever's paying. Not the kids, even if the band is afraid they'll get a bad name.
ETA: I just say a later post reinforcing this, that they won't get hired.
I would write the decibel level into the contract.
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amother
Gray
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 9:12 pm
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I have a little gadget to measure decibels, you'd be horrified if you'd bring it into the simchah halls.
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sub
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Wed, Nov 21 2018, 10:31 pm
| PinkFridge wrote: | The band needs to be influenced by whoever's paying. Not the kids, even if the band is afraid they'll get a bad name.
ETA: I just say a later post reinforcing this, that they won't get hired.
I would write the decibel level into the contract. |
My son in law was a musician. A while back he and his friends signed an agreement to lower the decibles. It didn’t help. Yes, the parents are paying, but the young men are the influencers. Time for the parents to put their foot down and say a resounding no.
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PinkFridge
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Thu, Nov 22 2018, 8:38 am
| sub wrote: | | My son in law was a musician. A while back he and his friends signed an agreement to lower the decibles. It didn’t help. Yes, the parents are paying, but the young men are the influencers. Time for the parents to put their foot down and say a resounding no. |
Time for the roshei yeshiva to speak to bochrim, also.
And I hesitate to say this, I don't know what rabbit hole someone will drag my words through. But I still think I will hit send, and not delete later.
ETA: And parents should also remind their sons that badgering band to play louder is a tremendous chutzpah, bordering on gezel to the parents paying, and ona'a on the poor band members who will feel pressured.
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heidi
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Thu, Nov 22 2018, 9:07 am
| amother wrote: | | the baalei simchas need to want it. before our wedding we told the band and even during my wedding I asked for it to be lowered because my idea of not too loud is quieter then most I was talking to me dh about movie theaters- we both agreed they are too loud... if more and more people asked for it to b e quieter then it will, money talks |
We were recently at a wedding where the baal simcha was in the music industry. The music was deafening. Seriously the loudest I have ever heard. Someone at our tabel went to ask the band what was going on and was told they had been told by the baal simcha not to lower the volume no matter what.
On the other hand, at my wedding my mother told the bandleader that if she had to ask him to lower the volume more than once they weren't getting paid.
Worked like a charm
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penguin
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Thu, Nov 22 2018, 5:55 pm
Baalei simcha need to put a maximum decibel level into the contract, where the band is not paid if they exceed that level.
I'm not sure what that level is.
There are bands that will accomodate the one who hires them even at the risk of "guys not liking it."
Don't forget, the kids need it loud because they are losing their hearing from all the loud music!
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amother
Wheat
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Thu, Nov 22 2018, 6:08 pm
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I think they just want you to feel the Simcha with your whole beating heart 😛
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mfb
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Thu, Nov 22 2018, 7:47 pm
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In Israel the halls have a red light on the ceiling that lights up when the noise goes to high. I wish other places would enforce that. ( I’m not from there but I think there’s some sort of fine for setting it off)
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