Home

Joy or Burden?
1, 2, 3  Next  Last >>
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




Navy


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 7:26 am
I feel the heavy weight of my responsibility as a mother, and this sucks the joy out of raising my children. I often wonder if others feel differently (especially seeing so many big families).

Of course there are many happy times and moments, woven together with the more challenging ones- but as a generalization, would you say that you really enjoy parenting? Or are you burdened by it?
Back to top

amother




Natural


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 7:59 am
amother wrote:
I feel the heavy weight of my responsibility as a mother, and this sucks the joy out of raising my children. I often wonder if others feel differently (especially seeing so many big families).

Of course there are many happy times and moments, woven together with the more challenging ones- but as a generalization, would you say that you really enjoy parenting? Or are you burdened by it?

I wonder if your mother saw motherhood as a responsibility like mine did instead of something positive?
Back to top

allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 8:00 am
A joyful burden
Back to top

ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 8:20 am
It's a huge joy and responsibility but I wouldn't call it a burden anymore than having to eat 3 times a day is a burden
Back to top

amother




Crimson


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 9:06 am
I find it to be a joy, but I had to wait a long time to get pregnant, and my child is barely over one year old. I just love looking at her. Not every moment is joyful, but overall joy definitely dominates.
Back to top

heidi




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 9:10 am
A parent for over two decades.
Joy joy joy
Sometimes difficult.
But never ever ever a burden.
I feel so bad for children whose parents consider them a burden
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 9:26 am
Joyful, sometimes challenging, never a burden.
Back to top

flowerpower




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 9:27 am
I find it the biggest joy in my life!!! I love every minute of it. That was my dream from the day I was born( almost).
Back to top

amother




Navy


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 9:34 am
amother wrote:
I wonder if your mother saw motherhood as a responsibility like mine did instead of something positive?


Probably yes
Back to top

amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 9:44 am
flowerpower wrote:
I find it the biggest joy in my life!!! I love every minute of it. That was my dream from the day I was born( almost).


This was my dream too but I’m having such a hard time adjusting to how my every minute revolves around my dc. How did you come to have such a positive outlook? I love my dc and wish I didn’t feel any burden.
Back to top

Chazak613




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 10:10 am
My mother used to say, "Its a short lived pain and long lived joy!!!"
Back to top

ssspectacular




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 10:16 am
OP, do you mean a burden physically, or more in a general way?
Back to top

ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 11:02 am
I love being a mother, have been for more than 2 decades bh, and planning to be one till 120.
It is a burden definitely. However, all humankind have burdens. This is how the world was created. I appreciate and I am grateful for this burden called parenthood.
Many people don't have this burden and they have other very difficult burdens.
The burden of NOT being a parent is a very very heavy load to carry. I'd prefer this burden to that one anytime!
Don't confuse this with thinking that I think my kids are a burden to me. It's two separate things.
Back to top

amother




Teal


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 11:07 am
amother wrote:
I feel the heavy weight of my responsibility as a mother, and this sucks the joy out of raising my children. I often wonder if others feel differently (especially seeing so many big families).

Of course there are many happy times and moments, woven together with the more challenging ones- but as a generalization, would you say that you really enjoy parenting? Or are you burdened by it?


Go to one meeting of A Time and then I hope your perspective will change.
Back to top

amother




Aubergine


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 11:22 am
Op, you are definitely not alone. The responses you see here are the reason very few people will admit to it. I will say, it is definitely joyful, but I certainly don't love anywhere close to every minute of it, and yes, it's a very big burden too. And believe it or not, there are people who have suffered IF can feel this way as well. A few things that helped me: I find older kids to be more joy and less burden. I guess I'm just not a little kid person, not everyone is. And I do have a few kids and plan on one or two more because I do enjoy raising children, but to me, a baby is just something to get through on the road to a child, just like for some people pregnancy is difficult and something they need to get through to have a child (I actually enjoy pregnancy). It also helps to have some self definition. As a sahm with little babies, I was miserable and depressed and sometimes wondered what I'd gotten myself into. So I started working and building a fulfilling career. I took up some of my old hobbies that have fallen by the wayside. Obviously my kids come first, and being a parent will always entail sacrifices and limitations, but I've found as long as I don't lose myself totally, as long as I'm not solely a mother, I am happy, both with myself and with my kids.
Back to top

bigsis144




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 11:23 am
Not a burden, but a choice that comes with both joy and many many challenges that just never stop. And while the joy is not guaranteed (and expecting too much joy from the parenting experience can lead to years of frustration), the challenges are a constant.

And I guess parenting is a responsibility that one can never, ever quit - unlike a job or even a marriage. So in that way, it’s something of a “burden” one can never put down.

But I would never call parenting a burden or make my children feel that way. I can admit to them I’m having a hard day, but they should never be blamed for it. And it’s my achrayus to get additional support if I need it.
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 11:24 am
amother wrote:
Go to one meeting of A Time and then I hope your perspective will change.

Eat your spaghetti there are starving children in Africa!
Back to top

amother




Navy


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 11:26 am
amother wrote:
Go to one meeting of A Time and then I hope your perspective will change.



I'm sorry if you are dealing with infertility, but your comment is equivalent to telling someone who is dealing with challenges in marriage to "talk to an older single and hopefully your perspective will change". Or to a person who has a difficult relationship with her mother- "talk to an orphan and your perspective will change"...very off-base in my estimation!
Back to top

amother




Pewter


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 11:27 am
amother wrote:
Go to one meeting of A Time and then I hope your perspective will change.


That's not fair. I've been through many years of IF and I do have a few (very challenging) children baruch Hashem a million times over - and while I wouldn't consider them a burden, they are definitely a challenge, a huge responsibility, and a labor of love (but a labor nonetheless).
Back to top

amother




Navy


Post  Thu, Nov 22 2018, 11:29 am
amother wrote:
Op, you are definitely not alone. The responses you see here are the reason very few people will admit to it. I will say, it is definitely joyful, but I certainly don't love anywhere close to every minute of it, and yes, it's a very big burden too. And believe it or not, there are people who have suffered IF can feel this way as well. A few things that helped me: I find older kids to be more joy and less burden. I guess I'm just not a little kid person, not everyone is. And I do have a few kids and plan on one or two more because I do enjoy raising children, but to me, a baby is just something to get through on the road to a child, just like for some people pregnancy is difficult and something they need to get through to have a child (I actually enjoy pregnancy). It also helps to have some self definition. As a sahm with little babies, I was miserable and depressed and sometimes wondered what I'd gotten myself into. So I started working and building a fulfilling career. I took up some of my old hobbies that have fallen by the wayside. Obviously my kids come first, and being a parent will always entail sacrifices and limitations, but I've found as long as I don't lose myself totally, as long as I'm not solely a mother, I am happy, both with myself and with my kids.


Thank you so much for this. When I posted my question, I was aware that it may be difficult for many to answer honestly...I know it doesn't 'sound good' to say that we are overwhelmed by parenting...but maybe the ones who feel the pinch are actually working harder at it- (and maybe even doing it better...?)
Back to top
1, 2, 3  Next  Last >> Recent Topics

Page 1 of 3 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Names meaning happy or joy
by amother
12 Tue, Mar 12 2019, 6:09 am View last post
Emoji joy!! 7 Mon, Nov 26 2018, 7:23 pm View last post
Yeshiva tuition financial burden
by amother
3 Tue, Jul 24 2018, 11:31 am View last post
Kids are a Burden?
by amother
48 Tue, May 08 2018, 12:18 pm View last post
What helps you parent with joy and generous love 6 Mon, Jan 29 2018, 11:42 am View last post

Jump to: