Please pray for my daughter

amother

Coral

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 9:14 am

Please keep praying. She is getting worse. She is now sitting on the floor of my room catatonic no desire to go to school or talk or move. My husband gave up on her and wants to just put her away somewhere. Yesterday she disappeared out of the house in the cold at night, and then appeared after police were called, and I didn't even know she was back at the house because she was not answering when I was calling her name. I was dizzy with fatigue because I haven't had good sleep in days staying up late trying to get her back on track with schoolwork... and it was my birthday yesterday. The time before last when she ran away it was her brothers birthday. It's been years of this struggle... She is the oldest of five and gets the Lions share of our time and financial resources. I basically can't afford her. Her brother complains of pain for a couple of days now, I probably need to take him in for a strep test, and I am consumed by caring for her. Husband has a cold too so not much help.
I am taking a day off work today to try taking care of her crisis when I have precious little leave, and after that is gone it will be unpaid. I cannot afford unpaid because as is, we are short of money every month.
I cannot get therapy for myself because all my time is spoken for- work, committee, taking care of kids. Money too, after co-pays for her therapies and all the other family expenses I would rather not spend on me what I don't have anyway. Plus the therapists who take insurance are not good, the good ones are out of network and cost more after reimbursement.

amother

Denim

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 9:46 am

OP, I've been where you are right now. If your daughter is catatonic you cannot treat her at home. If you're in an area that has hatzolah, call them. My child did agree to voluntary hospitalization and hatzolah can find out where there is a bed available.

I reached out to Amudim and Ohel and got help. Wishing you hatzlacha and refuah shelaima for your daughter.

Yoyo613

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 10:05 am

amother wrote:

No Hatzola here. I left a message for her therapist. I am going to eat and shower and then take her to either a county mental health crisis center or to the ER

I dont know if she has seen anMD for this the past year.
Ask from any doctor Ativan and give her by force. Ask him enough to blend in her food if there is little chances she takes by mouth. Once she refuses to take by mouth it will be harder to blend in food. So start by blending in food. Also he should give Ativan injecteble to give once she is a little sleepy. And refills. Sleep is part of the healing for most of them. Then a psychiatrist can work on a medicine plan. All that can be injectables should be because they tend to cheek (hold meds in mouth) or at least sprinkles and liquid. These hospitals most do nothing. Been there. If you take to an Er you drive to the one of your choice that is known to have a 1000% suscesss stories. I can tell you the bad ones :westchester is bad. Its crazy how we the people of chesed cannot pull organizations that understand that exactly like CANCER the earlier we treat these young patients the better chance. And that bechinem bakimt men kinem when it comes to Psychiatrists (MD) and Psychologists (therapy). It a shama shame shame. Only toys and trips to CA patients and health policies. But for us is NADA. Oh yes bikur cholim gives once in 3 months 50 percent of a visit. Joke.

PS1 I explained psycology vs psychiatry because so many dont even know tye diference

PS 2 im using a top MD and was just crying this morning as I saw my direct deposit of my wages came in this morning and should last 2 weeks but there is 3!!!! Dollars left for next 2 weeks.

Last edited by Yoyo613 on Fri, Dec 07 2018, 10:22 am; edited 2 times in total

amother

Seafoam

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 10:12 am

Yoyo613 wrote:

Ask from any doctor Ativan and give her by force. Ask him enough to blend in her food if there is little chances she takes by mouth. Once she refuses to take by mouth it will be harder to blend in food. So start by blending in food. Also he should give Ativan injecteble to give once she is a little sleepy. And refills. Sleep is part of the healing for most of them. Then a psychiatrist can work on a plan. These hospitals most do nothing. Been there. If you take to an Er you drive to the one of your choice that is known to have a 1000% suscesss stories. I can tell you the bad ones :westchester is bad

Please do not take specific medical advice from someone on imamother. Take your daughter to a competent psychiatrist and see what he says.

I agree that sleep and relief of the brain is an important part of the recovery, but the specific medicine should be determined by a doctor.

I am continuing to pray for your daughter and for you. I wish you could get more support for yourself. It's so important. You should not feel so alone and drained. I'm guessing you live somewhere were there is not a tremendous network of frum support. If you were in the tri-state area I could tell you who helped us.

too tired

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 10:18 am

Yoyo613 wrote:

I dont know if she has seen anMD for this the past year.
Ask from any doctor Ativan and give her by force. Ask him enough to blend in her food if there is little chances she takes by mouth. Once she refuses to take by mouth it will be harder to blend in food. So start by blending in food. Also he should give Ativan injecteble to give once she is a little sleepy. And refills. Sleep is part of the healing for most of them. Then a psychiatrist can work on a medicine plan. All that can be injectables should be because they tend to cheek (hold meds in mouth) or at least sprinkles and liquid. These hospitals most do nothing. Been there. If you take to an Er you drive to the one of your choice that is known to have a 1000% suscesss stories. I can tell you the bad ones :westchester is bad. Its crazy how we the people of chesed cannot pull organizations that understand that exactly like CANCER the earlier we treat these young patients the better chance. And that bechinem bakimt men kinem when it comes to Psychiatrists (MD) and Psychologists (therapy). It a shama shame shame. Only toys and trips to CA patients and health policies. But for us is NADA. What about policies for us???? Oh yes bikur cholim gives once in 3 months 50 percent of a visit. Joke.

PS1 I explained psycology vs psychiatry because so many dont even know tye diference

PS 2 im using a top MD and was just crying this morning as I saw my direct deposit came in this morning and should last 2 weeks but there is 3!!!! Dollars left for next 3 weeks.

amother

Mint

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 10:36 am

I was really hesitant to post. But figured now you can choose whether to listen or not.
From my family experience ...
I can only say theres a complete different mindset that is appropriate.
Children do well when they can.
Ross green and his methodology supports families dealing with difficult children even violent ones. There are support groups on facebook and all over. The shift in mindset by parents is essential for the healing to begin. If she senses you are exhausted physically/ emotionally and financially because of her and are ready to give up - itll make things worse. Of course you can have limitations - and are overehelmed- understandably so- but if you want to know what te fhild needs to hear and how is that they need to be communicated with commitment and love , “we are doing the best we can for you to find you the help you need.”
Hatzlacha
You desperately need support and help for yourselves as parents and you as an over-stretched mother. May Hashem give you the koach and may
Chanukah bring you miracles of light.

I think a phone call to amudim is worth it.

amother

Seafoam

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 10:37 am

Yoyo613 wrote:

Dear seafoam, can.you PM me who helped you? I owe 600 in pharmacy injections... late with the monthly visit to private MD, late witha new visit to the therapist. ....Im im one of the major brooklyn heimishe areas.

I'm sorry, no p.m. I value my privacy and my daughter's.

There are no cheap solutions. I pay a ton of money for my daughter's mental health - both psychiatry and therapy. She sees Dr. Hizami (Brooklyn and Monsey) and has done pretty well with medication. She's also taking DBT therapy which helps her.

I agree with you that there's not enough support for mental health patients. I was never in debt until this happened to us. But I know one day I'll catch up. For now, this is what is needed and what Hashem wants from us.

amother

Mistyrose

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 10:50 am

OP,
My daughter also suffers from a mental illness. I totally get how overwhelming and all -consuming it is when your child is in the throes of it. I understand feeling like you want to do anything for her, and at the same time wanting to just give her away for someone else to handle.
I have found the support and guidance from Amudim helpful. At one point I was seeing a therapist weekly for support, I have since slowed down but I do still go, and it is helpful.
I have no answers, but I am writing mainly to tell you that you are not alone. We are out here--mothers who love our children, nurture them and provide for them. And our children's mental illness is slowly eating us up and taking over our lives and the lives of our family. It is the loneliest illness because it is something we dont want anyone to know. You are not alone. May Hashem grant our beloved children a Refuas Hanefesh b'meheira, amen.

amother

Crimson

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 11:01 am

Wow you are in such a hard place. What you and your daughter are struggling with is at least as painful as if she would have a chronic illness such as cancer, but without the support. It is such a shame that our wonderful chessed organizations who have made it a priority to help cancer patients see only top specialists have not extended this to mental health. I admire your emunah and daven that Hashem should help you and your daughter see a yeshua.
I have had some experience not with what you are going through but with milder depression, anxiety, and ptsd. I am so glad that she has found DBT helpful. Perhaps she may also benefit from and enjoy a psychodynamic/trauma focused or expressive approach with a focus on seeing and respecting her as a whole person and healing inner pain as opposed to trying to change her. Lots of empathy, acceptance of her as she is, and love. Also, may I be so bold to suggest that you seek therapy for yourself. Having a place to unload your feelings makes it less likely that your daughter will be picking up any negativity or frustration you may feel towards her.

amother

Jade

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 3:49 pm

Another mother of a dd with mental illness, anxiety, depression, and more. I've btdt and please know that it does get better, or at least you get used to living with it. We didn't go back to the way things were before her diagnosis, we had to adjust to a new normal, and so did our other kids. It's not easy on you, and for sure not easy on the other kids.

I remember hating her during that period, with an intense hatred and wishing she wasn't my child. I hated what her illness did to the family, her siblings, but mostly what it turned her into. She went from a blossoming, happy young kid to a preteen we didn't recognize. She said herself that she didn't know herself anymore and was in such pain. I'm sharing so you know you're not alone in feeling that you don't want her to be your child. It's normal, despite what others say. I also can't afford therapy so that's another thing you're not alone in. It's two years later and although we've been to hell and back with her, you will get over this and look back with relief one day.

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Dec 09 2018, 4:50 pm

Another mother of an adult child with mental health issues.
Yes it is the toughest road that you are on.

Firstly practical matters for all of us. One day your child may need state or city services. Get any money out of their names so you can apply for Medicaid and social security for them when they hit 18 years old.

There are many services for kids with developmental disabilities and cancer. NYS is starting to have services for children with mental health issues.

http://childcenterny.org/health-home-program/
See informmation here. I think ohel is also starting this type of program.

The stigma must stop. We must find a way as a community to have the top psychatrist and top therapist not only take private pay for a few hundred dollars a session
I was lucky with my daughter to find a good private psychatrist for her first episode but then we went thru five different doctors both private and on insurance till she just found a good psychiatric nurse practitioner on insurance.

It is a long and hard trip. There is no guarantee that it will end well. But we as mothers will fight hard till we get the best for our kids. And yes it is ok to sometimes wish they would disappear so you can have a normal life.

A_Mother_First

Sun, Dec 09 2018, 5:31 pm

My heart goes out to you OP. This is so very hard. Hugs ( and a happy belated birthday!).

Please take her to an appropriate hospital to be fully evaluated and treated. I do not know where you live, but please do not take her to a regular ER, in a hospital such as maimonides where the psychiatric ward is not great. If you live not too far away from the City, please take her to either:
https://www.nyp.org/psychiatry.....iatry

or to https://www.columbiapsychiatry.....iatry

I also have a friend who is in charge of the children's behavioral unit at Montifere. PM if you want to go there. You really did try to address it at home. It sounds like you could use a little help right now. A through eval, and right treatment can put you in the right direction. It may be just a short hospital stay, and can make a big difference. Hatzlacha raba. I will BH have her name in mind next to the candles this evening. Refuah Sheilma and please take care of you too at this difficult time.