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Would you assume your children are invited
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Poll

If the invitation is addressed to Mr and Mrs
I assume only me and my husband are invited
 94%  [ 346 ]
I assume my children are invited as well
 3%  [ 11 ]
I know it means just me and my husband but I bring my children anyways
 1%  [ 5 ]
Other (please explain)
 1%  [ 4 ]
Total Votes : 366


amother




Smokey


Post  Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:21 pm
If you got invited to a wedding and the invitation was addressed
Mr. and Mrs. Whateveryourlastnameis
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mha3484









  


Post  Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:22 pm
Unless it says and family they are not invited.
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srbmom









  


Post  Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:23 pm
I don't even understand how this would be a question? Unless it says "and family" or lists the specific childrens' names I wouldn't think for a second they were invited Confused
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nchr









  


Post  Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:30 pm
Why would my children be invited to a chasuna? As a general room, my children stay home unless it is a family event where I know they are invited and even then, babies are generally left at home.
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thunderstorm









  


Post  Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:34 pm
I had this a few weeks ago. I receive my nephews bar mitzvah invitation and it was only addressed to Mr and Mrs. I was surprised because I thought kids were invited. But the invitation didn't reflect that. I felt stupid and asked my SIL and she said "Of course your kids are invited . What kind of question is that? They are first cousins".... well to me it wasn't obvious at all that kids were invited. She's not American and I'm wondering if that had anything to do with that .
My DH also not American said "of course the kids are invited" and thought I was weird that I was going to ask her.
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Thu, Nov 29 2018, 5:40 pm
Thunderstorm, I went to my cousin's wedding with my dh and they asked where the kids were. It was in the US, but they are Israeli. I have learned that when anyone in that family makes a simcha, they want my kids, so I bring some or all of them if that works for us. But I confirm first just in case. And I know they will not have seats but be encouraged to eat something.
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Cheiny









  


Post  Thu, Nov 29 2018, 6:07 pm
amother wrote:
If you got invited to a wedding and the invitation was addressed
Mr. and Mrs. Whateveryourlastnameis


It means EXACTLY what it says. Mr. and Mrs.
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pizza4









  


Post  Thu, Nov 29 2018, 6:40 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
I had this a few weeks ago. I receive my nephews bar mitzvah invitation and it was only addressed to Mr and Mrs. I was surprised because I thought kids were invited. But the invitation didn't reflect that. I felt stupid and asked my SIL and she said "Of course your kids are invited . What kind of question is that? They are first cousins".... well to me it wasn't obvious at all that kids were invited. She's not American and I'm wondering if that had anything to do with that .
My DH also not American said "of course the kids are invited" and thought I was weird that I was going to ask her.

I actually don't think it's an of course answer, maybe different culture? At my nephew's bar mitzvah no kids were invited besides siblings.
I don't think it's a given. They should specify if they want kids to come.
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amother




Ginger


Post  Thu, Nov 29 2018, 7:13 pm
My close friends expect my children. Often on a school night I would leave them home, and they would ask where are the DC. I have never seen "and family" on invitations.

I think in some circles, it is understood that the kids come for close friends. These circles have big open events without assigned seats.

In other circles, I would assume my kids are not invited, but besides my family, we don't attend those events. And of course DC are invited for family events.
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flowerpower









  


Post  Thu, Nov 29 2018, 9:15 pm
pizza4 wrote:
I actually don't think it's an of course answer, maybe different culture? At my nephew's bar mitzvah no kids were invited besides siblings.
I don't think it's a given. They should specify if they want kids to come.


I invited kids over age 12. So I wrote Mr and Mrs and Esty and Malky,.....
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zaq









  


Post  Thu, Nov 29 2018, 9:16 pm
mha3484 wrote:
Unless it says and family they are not invited.


This.
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essie14









  


Post  Fri, Nov 30 2018, 3:09 am
My general rule is that unless it says & family, the kids are not invited.
In my circles, only very close friends invite the kids to weddings, unless the kids are close in age to the bride/groom and are also friendly. Like my 17 year old daughter would be included in the invitation to our 19 year old neighbor's wedding. But only if it says her name on the invitation as well.
When you're paying for each plate like at a wedding you have to cut back.

But then you have my Israeli cousins who only sent the invite to my husband and me but I know 100% that they expect us to bring the kids.
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amother




Silver


Post  Fri, Nov 30 2018, 3:19 am
amother wrote:
If you got invited to a wedding and the invitation was addressed
Mr. and Mrs. Whateveryourlastnameis


If they are:
British - parents only & come on time
Israeli - bring the whole gang and a couple of random cousins if possible (more the merrier) - an hour plus after the time on the invite
American - only guessing, parents and older kids?
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chanchy123









  


Post  Fri, Nov 30 2018, 5:42 am
OK I'm Israeli and absolutely would only bring my kids if the invitation was addressed to the family. It is not acceptable at all ti bring kidd to a Simcha if thr invitation was addressed only to the parents (it's Israel so would be first names of parents and last name).
Bringing uninvited children is rude.
If I'm in doubt about family simchas I'll usually ask my mother or MIL to find out. I am not talking about olim Israelis, I'm talking about natives so to speak.

I guess it must depend on the circles you run in. At our wedding DHs highschool classmate brought his entire family. It was weird.

Don't assume your kids are invited to an Israeli wedding. When in doubt ask specifically, because it is not at all common practice here.
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Iymnok









  


Post  Fri, Nov 30 2018, 5:44 am
In Israel, if it says "and family" then I’d think about bringing kids.
If it’s a relative then I’d assume they are including kids unless told otherwise.
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Ruchel









  


Post  Fri, Nov 30 2018, 6:00 am
I've assumed not invited and been told why I didn't bring them. I'd ask.
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Metukah









  


Post  Fri, Nov 30 2018, 6:47 am
If it is addressed to Mr and Mrs then those are the only people invited.
Invitees are not expected to mind read or make assumptions.
In our family if all kids or only kids over a certain age ae invited it is discussed and advised. If invitations arrived addressed to just Mr and Mrs but the baal Simcha verbally specified to bring along kids I would if I thought it was appropriate.

I have a sister in law who brings her children with her to every Simcha, invited or not. She hogs tables, meant for adults, for her and her large family. When her daughter got married she called us all to inform us that our kids were not welcome. My kids were really really disappointed because we don't have many family simchas and this was a first cousin they knew. I dressed them nicely, took them to the chuppah (her uninvite only referred to the dinner), let them have a nice little cake from the reception, took them home, put them to sleep and came back to the wedding. Now she doesn't owe anyone anything but we're a small family and our kids won't have the opportunity to be flower girls at siblings weddings. (I was not that disappointed because the wedding was much more relaxing). The reason she gave was that the kalla (my niece) didn't want kids at her wedding. I found that strange, because at a big wedding, and hers was very big, how do kids disturb the kalla. I also found it strange because the only flower girls she had were her 2 younger sisters. When I got married I was desperate for alot of flower girls. It was so beautiful, I convinced everyone to bri g their kids even though it was abroad and I got the dresses.

2 weeks before that wedding my first cousin got married (my kids second cousin), my aunt begged us to bring our kids, I didn't think it was so necessary so I brought them to the chuppah and sent them home. The sister in law I mentioned above, brought all her kids to that wedding and at the same time, used the wedding as an opportunity to tell us that our kids were not welcome at the wedding she was making 2 weeks later.

I'm sorry I hijacked the thread, but I guess this thread just bought it all back. ;-)
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Amelia Bedelia









  


Post  Fri, Nov 30 2018, 6:51 am
Metukah wrote:
If it is addressed to Mr and Mrs then those are the only people invited.
Invitees are not expected to mind read or make assumptions.
In our family if all kids or only kids over a certain age ae invited it is discussed and advised. If invitations arrived addressed to just Mr and Mrs but the baal Simcha verbally specified to bring along kids I would if I thought it was appropriate.

I have a sister in law who brings her children with her to every Simcha, invited or not. She hogs tables, meant for adults, for her and her large family. When her daughter got married she called us all to inform us that our kids were not welcome. My kids were really really disappointed because we don't have many family simchas and this was a first cousin they knew. I dressed them nicely, took them to the chuppah (her uninvite only referred to the dinner), let them have a nice little cake from the reception, took them home, put them to sleep and came back to the wedding. Now she doesn't owe anyone anything but we're a small family and our kids won't have the opportunity to be flower girls at siblings weddings. (I was not that disappointed because the wedding was much more relaxing). The reason she gave was that the kalla (my niece) didn't want kids at her wedding. I found that strange, because at a big wedding, and hers was very big, how do kids disturb the kalla. I also found it strange because the only flower girls she had were her 2 younger sisters. When I got married I was desperate for alot of flower girls. It was so beautiful, I convinced everyone to bri g their kids even though it was abroad and I got the dresses.

2 weeks before that wedding my first cousin got married (my kids second cousin), my aunt begged us to bring our kids, I didn't think it was so necessary so I brought them to the chuppah and sent them home. The sister in law I mentioned above, brought all her kids to that wedding and at the same time, used the wedding as an opportunity to tell us that our kids were not welcome at the wedding she was making 2 weeks later.

I'm sorry I hijacked the thread, but I guess this thread just bought it all back. ;-)

Strange
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Amelia Bedelia









  


Post  Fri, Nov 30 2018, 6:53 am
flowerpower wrote:
I invited kids over age 12. So I wrote Mr and Mrs and Esty and Malky,.....
I would write '"Mr. and Mrs." and call the parents to let them know which kids are invited. That being said, I did invite all my DS' first cousins, from newborn and up.
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amother




Red


Post  Fri, Nov 30 2018, 6:55 am
Amelia Bedelia wrote:
Strange


Not really. Plenty of people have one set of rules for me and another for thee. Unfortunately.
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