Anti-Vaxx Caveat on Kiddush Invite

amother

Burgundy

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 2:09 am

IYH I will be making a kiddush for twin girls in the near future. I'm currently living in an Israeli city which is bordering a city suffering from a severe measles outbreak. In the synagogue I attend, everyone travels there to buy mehadrin food among other services only available there. The synagogue is also comprised almost exclusively of baalei tshuva, many of whom have quite 'alternative' views when it comes to natural health care etc and unfortunately this has led to a small but significant number of them not vaxxing their kids. The synagogue is very, very small and when there's a simcha like a kiddush or brit, everyone is packed in like sardines and small kids often try lifting babies out of their prams, touching them etc.

I want to hold a kiddish and celebrate my daughters, but I don't want to expose them, especially since, like all twins as far as I'm aware, they won't be born at 40 weeks.

Would it be very inappropriate to ask those who don't vaxx their kids not to bring them in the invite? Is there any way to go about this to ensure safety while not offending people? Am I better off not doing a kiddush at all, given the circumstances?

amother

Chartreuse

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 2:22 am

Mazel Tov! May you have much nachas from them Smile

.

I think it’s appropriate (and necessary to protect your babies), but you can’t count on all anti-vaxxers complying with your request. I think in this situation, I’d keep the babies home and not bring them to the synagogue. Better safe than sorry . . .

penguin

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 2:37 am

Just no.

Here's the thing. B'ezras Hashem your babies will be healthy but it's your reponsibility to keep them that way by not taking undue risks by exposing them to crowds where there are likely to be children with runny noses etc.

That's just normal careful parenting, which is so rare these days, when infants are brought to every wedding at risk of catching every germ and losing their hearing if their ears are not protected.

Making this about the intelligent people who've done their research and choose to protect their children's health by vaccinating on a delayed schedule or not at all is so ...I don't know what word to use, maybe backwards?

But I don't blame you for catching the hysteria which is being pumped up everywhere.

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 2:49 am

2 options:
1. Make the kiddush but keep the babies at home
2. Make the kiddush in 4-6 months time - you'll be able to enjoy it more, and the babies will have started their vax & in general be a stronger age & you can pick a time when there arent any major health issues going around
B'shaah tova!!

essie14

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 2:54 am

I wouldn’t bring my babies to a gathering of that many people that I don’t know. I made a simchat bat for my daughter when she was 4 months old and we only invited people we know.
How is a kiddush in shul that you’re hosting different than a kiddush that you’re not hosting?

amother

Burgundy

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 2:58 am

penguin wrote:

Making this about the intelligent people who've done their research and choose to protect their children's health by vaccinating on a delayed schedule or not at all is so ...I don't know what word to use, maybe backwards?

But I don't blame you for catching the hysteria which is being pumped up everywhere.

I don't think this is fair to say. The hospital I'm due to give birth in has even closed itself off to children visiting because there is a serious risk to the health of infants. These are doctors who have made these decisions- not some hysteric mob. And after speaking to numerous non-vaxxing mothers, they have no intention of vaccinating on a delayed schedule. And reasons I've received have ranged from "other people vaxx, so I don't need to" to "there are more natural means of protecting against viruses". In my son's creche/maon (playgroup aged 1.5 years old and less) there's a girl who has never been taken to a doctor to be checked over since she was born.

amother

Burgundy

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 3:02 am

essie14 wrote:

This is true, I'm not planning to bring them to any big events for at least 6 months if not a year (also because of the practical difficulties involved).

In my community, a kiddush is the time people bring the baby to the synagogue for the first time and people finally see her after the birth. But given the circumstances, I'm definitely learning towards those who have advised to hold a kiddush but not bring the babies. Thankfully my parents will be visiting soon so they can take over babysitting duty so I can attend and hear my husband's dvar torah

essie14

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 3:24 am

amother wrote:

I think that's a good idea. you can bring the babies at whatever age you feel ready and just hang out outside and show them off to your friends, and this way you won't have the expectation of being in the kiddush room.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 3:27 am

I don't think you're being hysterical at all.

Have some nice pictures printed of the babies, in a large format. Set them up on the kiddush table so everyone can admire them and congratulate you.

I don't care if other people think you are being too cautious. With newborns, and twins especially, their needs should come first. What is worse, a snide remark, or physical problems that could last a lifetime?

amother

Burgundy

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 4:55 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I don't think you're being hysterical at all.

Have some nice pictures printed of the babies, in a large format. Set them up on the kiddush table so everyone can admire them and congratulate you.

I love this idea! I already bought two really cute dresses that I'd planned to put on them for the kiddush- this way I can print off and send pics to family abroad who won't get the chance to see them too (everyone's in Europe, I made aliyah alone)

amother

Tan

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 7:59 am

It sounds like your babies haven’t even been born yet?
I understand your concern, but even if you request, not everyone will abide. Also, just as much risk from adults whose immunity has worn off.
Plenty of people don’t make kiddish u til their babies are a few mo this old — sometimes even close to a year. Why not hold off? Wait for this to blow over. I wouldn’t be keen on bringing newborns into the environment you described (cramped and with kids all over the babies) regardless of measles outbreak.

amother

Blonde

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 8:22 am

One of my children developed meningitis as a newborn. Our pediatrician said that babies (especially ones born early, like she was) are vulnerable to viruses that in other people would be fine, like the common cold. She said that it's likely that one of my older kids brought home germs for a common cold or something, but that in my baby, it developed into meningitis.

Unfortunately the meningitis went beyond the meninges and into her brain. She developed seizures and was hospitalized for a while. The seizures affected certain areas of her brain which are linked to language and symbolic learning. This child has struggled her whole life with language and academics. School has been terribly hard.

After that experience, I always encourage new mothers to keep their babies as protected as possible. In my case, there was nothing I could have done differently. My baby was very young and had only been around family members. But I no longer take my newborns out in public. I keep them safely at home, away from other people, for as long as I can. If I were in your situation with twins iyH, I would certainly not bring them to a kiddush like you describe. I would wait until the summer to make a kiddush, or even wait until their first birthday.

amother

Gray

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 8:23 am

penguin wrote:

You are completely wrong. This is not baseless hysteria. This is sound medical advice. My neighbor took her baby to kupat cholim last week, and she was immediately told to leave because someone had been there an hour ago with measles. Anyone in the clinic in the 2 hours after the person with measles was there had to get a shot if they hadn't been vaccinated yet, including my neighbors baby. It's not clear why they didnt close the clinic or put up a sign outside.

The anti-vaxxers are the backwards ones, and putting people's lives at risk with their stupidity.

southernbubby

Fri, Nov 30 2018, 10:30 am

amother wrote:

Mazel Tov! May you have much nachas from them Smile

Great advice! Babies don't need to be there.