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How to stay calm when your kid drive you crazy?

 
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amother




Floralwhite


Post  Fri, Nov 30 2018, 6:08 pm
I need real/practical tips on how to stay calm when my small kids are "being small kids" but driving me crazy? My 4.5 yr old DS is an active, smart and mischievious child but can be very challenging and anoying for longer periods of time than I can keep my cool. Add in my 20 month old who is expressing her strong personality in screams that unwind my calm when coupled with her brothers behavior. I need real tips on how to work on my out bursts when I'm at the END! What works for you? Looking for practical advice.
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amother




Lawngreen


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 6:34 pm
amother wrote:
I need real/practical tips on how to stay calm when my small kids are "being small kids" but driving me crazy? My 4.5 yr old DS is an active, smart and mischievious child but can be very challenging and anoying for longer periods of time than I can keep my cool. Add in my 20 month old who is expressing her strong personality in screams that unwind my calm when coupled with her brothers behavior. I need real tips on how to work on my out bursts when I'm at the END! What works for you? Looking for practical advice.


You’re at the end? Ask yourself if you’d rather not have them
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Rachel Shira




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 6:42 pm
amother wrote:
You’re at the end? Ask yourself if you’d rather not have them


That’s not so helpful. Of course she wants them, they just drive her crazy, which is normal.

I would say, take a break and reset yourself and the kids. Some ways to do that: put on music and dance together. Put the kids in front of a video and do something for yourself for 15 minutes. Go outside with them and let them get their energy out, preferably somewhere fenced in so they can just run free and you can breathe a little. Get a babysitter and go out for coffee with your friend, your husband or by yourself.

I think a lot of times this happens when there’s a lot of “managing” and discipline going on, and that can be switched up pretty fast by changing the environment or the activity to something more fun or free (or by taking a break from the kids altogether).
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allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 6:42 pm
amother wrote:
You’re at the end? Ask yourself if you’d rather not have them


I wouldn't find that helpful.

I have kids the same age.
As much as possible I try to prevent blowups if I can. I try to use a lot of distraction. For the older one I plan play dates. I do bedtime really early even though they get up early. I try to prep dinner at night so in the afternoons I can play with the kids/tend to their myriad needs instead of being busy putting up dinner.
I take out books from the library for the older one.
music is fun and helpful.
I also tune them out or go to my room if it ever feels like it's too much for me. Then I refresh myself and calm myself down until I can return to the frenzy with a smile.
I do a lot of charts for the big one, and started a jelly bean jar with adding beans for doing good things, and sometimes taking away beans when he doesn't listen. When the jar is filled he will get a prize.
It helps to try to speak softly even when you're angry.
Also, it helps to tell the kids "I love you" even when you're angry, because then you reignite those feelings of love instead of burying them in frustration or anger.
It's challenging. Reward yourself! I take time out for exercise - without it I'd go insane!
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 7:02 pm
My kids turned over the couch today. I later did some reading comprehension & family game to keep them bz they shouldn't go crazy from being couped all shabbos.
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amother




Mauve


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 7:13 pm
dankbar wrote:
My kids turned over the couch today.


my kids do that every day.
1. change your idea of what you will tolerate. Decide in advance what is worth fighting for and what is just not.
2. Drink a hot drink when you feel yourself heating up
3. Go to your room, lock the door, lie down, and say to yourself, "I am calm, I am an adult, I love these little children," until you feel it
4. take them out of the house. Kids need to get their energy out!
5. make eye contact, cuddling, and quiet together time a daily routine for every child, especially right after school
6. make sure your kids eat and sleep as well as possible
7. deep breathing and mindfulness
8. YOU sleep and eat well and take care of your social needs and hobbies and move your body every day!!!
9. say out loud "please hashem, give me koach!"
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boots




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 8:12 pm
amother wrote:
my kids do that every day.
1. change your idea of what you will tolerate. Decide in advance what is worth fighting for and what is just not.
2. Drink a hot drink when you feel yourself heating up
3. Go to your room, lock the door, lie down, and say to yourself, "I am calm, I am an adult, I love these little children," until you feel it
4. take them out of the house. Kids need to get their energy out!
5. make eye contact, cuddling, and quiet together time a daily routine for every child, especially right after school
6. make sure your kids eat and sleep as well as possible
7. deep breathing and mindfulness
8. YOU sleep and eat well and take care of your social needs and hobbies and move your body every day!!!
9. say out loud "please hashem, give me koach!"


#9 works for me and kids appreciate it too
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professor




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 8:30 pm
amother wrote:



"2. Drink a hot drink when you feel yourself heating up"



they won't let you put your feet up. They will want your drink even if it's only bitter coffee.

"Go to your room, lock the door, lie down, and say to yourself, "I am calm, I am an adult, I love these little children," until you feel it"
Your kids would just knock and bang and kick your door lol

" deep breathing and mindfulness
8. YOU sleep and eat well and take care of your social needs and hobbies and move your body every day!!!"
Easier said than done!!!

But all your other ideas are good
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simba




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 8:41 pm
amother wrote:
You’re at the end? Ask yourself if you’d rather not have them


This comes across as weird advice but I’ll validate it a bit. As someone who davened for children for too many years and wondered many times if I would ever have.. sometimes, when it all gets to hectic for me I close my eyes for a second and say “BH this is my challenge and not a quite lonely house”.

Shabbos is hard. I try to “let it go” and “if you can’t beat em’, join em’!
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amother




White


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 9:07 pm
When your kids have too much energy have them jump on an indoor trampoline while you sit next to them and count their jumps.

It works because:
-kid is getting out excess energy
-kid is getting connection with you, as you are focused on him
-other child can be sitting on your lap if need be
-you get to sit down and relax your body for a few minutes

Today my five year old jumped over a thousand jumps. We still had quite a lot of energy burned over the day, but the trampoline was a life saver this morning.

Important rules:
-it's only counted as a jump if both feet are hitting the trampoline at the same time
-1 person at a time on the trampoline
-you must not being doing anything else during this time
-remember that your child will need a snack and a drink after burning so much energy. Have something healthy to offer when they finish.
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octopus




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 9:08 pm
I know this doesn't help you now, but one day you will look back at these years and remember them fondly!
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gold21




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 9:14 pm
Lol, OP, I totally get you, it's perfectly healthy normal and natural to feel overwhelmed by the chaos sometimes! Smile

I don't relate to people who never find it overwhelming. To me, that's part of being a human and not a zombie. Lol.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 9:22 pm
Op, you asked for advice so I'll offer something that helped me immensely:

Go for somatic experiencing therapy. Just go. Thank me later.
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amother




Floralwhite


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 9:27 pm
amother wrote:
You’re at the end? Ask yourself if you’d rather not have them


Op here. The above was not helpful - actually hurtful and sarcastic. Of course I want my children and I also want to be the best mother to them I can be!


I should add that I'm a SAHM with breaks only when my kids sleep at night, and the 40 min I take most days to exercise.

Thank you to all the other mothers who gave practical tips!
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amother




White


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 9:30 pm
amother wrote:
Op, you asked for advice so I'll offer something that helped me immensely:

Go for somatic experiencing therapy. Just go. Thank me later.

For someone who has never tried this, can you explain a bit what you do there?
What is the goal of therapy? How did it help you?

Why are you recommending it in this situation?
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amother




Floralwhite


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 10:48 pm
amother wrote:
Op, you asked for advice so I'll offer something that helped me immensely:

Go for somatic experiencing therapy. Just go. Thank me later.


Op here. Can you elaborate on this? What is done in this type of therapy? How can it help or how did it help you? I actually spoke with my husband about wanting a therapist to help me learn how to better control my emotions (upset) on Friday after a stressful morning.
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 10:53 pm
Instead of reacting to their behavior stop close your eyes and just think.

Why are they acting this way?
Can I use distraction to get away from it?
Do I have to deal with it? What’s the best way?
Should I just lock myself in the bathroom until I can think of a plan?
What can I do to prevent it happening again?
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gold21




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 01 2018, 11:06 pm
I think the best advice is

1. Acknowledge that you're normal & your feelings are normal.

2. You need breathers. That's part of being human.

Do you allow media in your house?

Do you have cleaning help that you trust the watch the kids sometimes?

Is your husband available to take over sometimes?

Etc etc.
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