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Are your bedrooms always clean?
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imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 6:36 am
amother wrote:
I'm surprised to see how many of you don't make the beds every day. It takes less than a minute & it feels better to go to sleep in a made up bed. In camp we would get punished for this.

I too sometimes base life choices on what I was punished for but in the other direction.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 7:53 am
Op here, so after reading many interesting responses this is what I think...

I think my kids have too many things in their rooms making it so difficult to give the room a neat appearance. Years ago I made a rule that they can’t keep toys in their rooms... I thought that’s where the mess was coming from. So it’s only an occasional new/ special toy that made its upstairs. The problem is the tchotchkes. They already have “special drawers “ for those things but honestly the drawers are overflowing and cannot even hold an extra sheet of paper. The overflow ends up on the dressers.... so we need to go in there with a big garbage bag and eliminate.
For a while I had my kids picking up clothes and making beds .... but I was offering a reward for it and I stopped that because I just want them to do it in their own.
I guess from all the rooms the master bedroom is the neatest on a regular basis. I make the beds every day but not perfectly. I personally don’t keep clothing on the floor but their is usually a build up on my chair near my bed... dh has more of a build up on the chair by his bed... honestly ladies, do you hang up your dh’s things lying around?? I don’t do it .... I’m not his mother.... nor do I put away his various shoes, crocs etc lying on the floor near his bed... he usually gets to it before shabbos
So I think my frustration is mainly with my kids rooms. It got to a point where even if I go in and make their beds and even pick up clothing it still won’t look good.... too much junk all over... so I see we have a big project ahead of us.
And by the way, the poster who claims making beds is the easiest thing.. you’re right- some beds no big deal but the beds right by a wall can be a pain to tuck the blanket between the mattress and wall.
My priority in a clean home is that it should be presentable when we open the front door. Our bedrooms are upstairs.. no one sees them unless kids want friends upstairs (I only let when it’s clean). For me it’s nicer when the whole house is clean... but I don’t want to be a drill sergeant type of mother who will make her kids crazy if they didn’t make their beds. I’m hoping as they get older they will appreciate a clean room on their own.
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:22 am
amother wrote:
Why is this way better? I don't think toys belong on the floor unless someone is playing with them and unmade beds are not normal. Sometimes dishes must sit in the sink on Shabbos or when someone eats something late.

You wouldn't leave your house looking like a slob. Why shouldn't the home be nice as well?

Kids can pick up their toys when they are done. And beds get made before the kids leave the house. Dirty laundry belongs in the hamper and clean laundry gets put away before bed.

My kids don't spend ten minutes a day making their bed and organizing their things. It is more like 5 because the mess doesn't build up. I don't stress over messes, but DH does. It doesn't lead to any difficulties.

The kids are not responsible for dusting, sweeping, mopping their rooms. They don't have to do the laundry, clean their bathrooms, nor dump their room garage cans. Making their beds and not living like slobs is not too much responsibly.

Because my 1 year old doesn't pick up her toys when she's done, which means *I* need to do it, and sometimes I don't GET to it right away. When kids go to sleep late and need a few more minutes extra sleep in the morning, they don't have time to make their bed and in this situation, we prioritize sleep (and health) over neatness. Dirty laundry goes in the hamper around here, so that's not an issue. Clean laundry before bed, but what if it's midnight and we just came home from a Chanuka party?

Not living like slobs is an important value to teach kids, but so is flexibility and priorities.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:27 am
Its important to teach kids responsibility and to be organized. It doesnt happen overnight when they become adults and get married. It is unacceptable for a teen to leave dirty laundry on the floor & not make their beds. It takes 1/2 minute in the morning, it doesnt have to be hotel style perfect.
When we as kids would not make our beds or not take our negal vasser, it was there waiting for us when we came home from school.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:30 am
Chocolate, I agree that too many things is the bane of our existence. When we're not managing to keep a room or closet neat, I end up realizing that too much stuff has accumulated there and purging is necessary ASAP.

That said, to answer your original OP, our house is lived in, not a museum.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:33 am
gilamom wrote:
Bedrooms are always neat and clean, beds are always made, clothing is always put away, nothing is on the floor.



Disclaimer-I live in Brooklyn. Each room fits two twin beds or a bunkbed and nothing else so if you do leave out a book or pj's on the floor you risk breaking your neck Tongue Out

I am extremely lucky that I have 15 mins between the kids leaving for school and me leaving for work and I try my hardest to utilize that time so that I come home in the afternoon to a clean house-it makes getting dinner on the table and relaxing so much easier.

-One thing that's helped us when it comes to all the tchotchkes is each child has a bin on their top closet shelf. In that goes all your keepsakes, memories, prizes, what have you. If the bin starts spilling over then it's time to reevaluate or I will do it for you Twisted Evil

-Another big help with the dirty clothes on the floor is that if I have to pick it up, it will find it's way into your backpack. If you're not embarrassed by leaving your dirty laundry on the floor then by all means take it to school and show your friends. No, I wouldn't send undies or larger items but I am evil enough to stow away some dirty socks.

-If books spill out of the bookcase and make it hazardous to walk by then I scoop up a bunch and take them to the basement bookshelf.

-It helped SO MUCH to get a larger laundry bin for the younger kids. I despise the amount of floor space it takes up and I have to put it on someone's bed if I want to open a drawer(did I mention I live in Brooklyn??) but the dirty clothes have been finding their way into the hamper a lot more often now.


Surprised Surprised Surprised Surprised Surprised Surprised Why on earth would you do something so bizarre?
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doodlesmom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:50 am
I was going to answer no because my closets and drawers are constantly under construction, but after seeing the other replies- all rooms have made beds and everything picked up from the floor every day- and I'm happy with that level of clean.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:03 pm
pause wrote:
Because my 1 year old doesn't pick up her toys when she's done, which means *I* need to do it, and sometimes I don't GET to it right away. When kids go to sleep late and need a few more minutes extra sleep in the morning, they don't have time to make their bed and in this situation, we prioritize sleep (and health) over neatness. Dirty laundry goes in the hamper around here, so that's not an issue. Clean laundry before bed, but what if it's midnight and we just came home from a Chanuka party?

Not living like slobs is an important value to teach kids, but so is flexibility and priorities.


Obviously there are different expectations for a one year old than a teen.

How often do you come home at midnight before school the next day?

When you give attention to the rooms, the clutter doesn't build up. You actually spend less time keeping a room neat than having a massive shabbos cleanup. I don't spend more than ten minutes a day keeping my home heat and organized. Eveyone does their share.

Aren't you at all concerned with raising your children to have neat houses themselves? I think there are more problems from sloppy spouses than neat ones. I never read complaints that my husband is too neat. He makes his bed daily and puts his dirty clothes in the hamper. Even in this thread, sloppy spouses frustrate the other spouse. It is normal menschkite to be considerate of those you live with.
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LuckyMum




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:23 pm
After the kids leave to school I take 10 minutes and go from room to room making the beds and collecting dirty laundry.
There are no toys, food or tchatches in the bedrooms - so that's all that's needed to keep th bedrooms spotless on a daily basis.
My kids are little and leave early - so I don't expect them to do it themsleves.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:24 pm
amother wrote:
Surprised Surprised Surprised Surprised Surprised Surprised Why on earth would you do something so bizarre?


She explained why.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:47 pm
Why do I sense a feeling of superiority on the part of the neatniks which is countered, understandably, by defensiveness on the part of the not-so-neatniks?

“You are what you clean” said nobody, ever. Tidiness is not a moral issue. There is no correlation between one’s housekeeping standards and one’s character. I’d rather visit someone who has to sweep a mound of laundry off the couch to offer me a seat, but who can be trusted to keep my business confidential, than visit someone whose living room could double as a surgical theater but who is bound to gossip all about me the moment I walk out the door.

Neatness is a virtue, yes. But in the hierarchy of virtues, maybe not that high. I have unfortunately been to many levayas and shivas in recent months, but have yet to hear anyone mention how neat the dear departed kept her house or how promptly she made the beds.


Last edited by zaq on Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Copper


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:56 pm
Zaq, making a bed and picking up dirty laundry does not make one a neat freak, its basic living skills. I dont see how people let their teens get away with it.
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caza




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:56 pm
Well, I try but...its never a wreck. Floors are clean, beds are made but the bed table usually has some things dumped on them.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:16 pm
amother wrote:
Eveyone likes to visit a clean home.


Everyone? Really? I guess I don’t count. I loathe visiting pristine, sparkling homes because it makes me feel uncomfortable and scared to move or breathe.

When I see someone living in less-than-perfect conditions I can relax and be myself.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:20 pm
amother wrote:
Zaq, making a bed and picking up dirty laundry does not make one a neat freak, its basic living skills. I dont see how people let their teens get away with it.


My teens get away with it because the consequence of them not tidying is that they can’t find things they need or have friends over when they want. This means they eventually clean up when they need to because they want to vs because big bad mommy is barking at them to do it.

Letting other people parent their own children is also a basic living skill imho.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:25 pm
Aqua, theres a middle way between letting them getting away with it, and barking at them non stop to make their beds, I think you know that. Theres also a middle way between a pristine and sparkling home to living in a messy pig sty, I think you know that to. We need to prepare and teach our girls to be able to run a home of their own, that wont happen if we let them get away with it. Healthy kids should be expected to make their beds, put their laundry in the hamper and clean up after themselves. Gosh, some of you are making it seem like you're raising animals.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:44 pm
amother wrote:
They can't leave for school unless their bed is made and their room organized. They get woken up earlier to do it. Now they can make the beds in a minute or two. They also put things back so they do don't have to scramble in the mornings to catch their bus.

They also must strip their beds on Fridays. They return to a clean made up bed. We have cleaning help, but we want them to learn to take care of things themselves.


When your children are adults, they may relish being able to keep things how they like. When you want to visit they may be terrified of your visit, scared that you will be critical of their messes/unmade beds. They may make excuses why you can’t come over. If you think I am being overly dramatic, there are plenty of threads on here that show how people are anguished when their neat mothers/MILs come over and judge them/start cleaning their house when they like it as is. Is it really worth sacrificing your relationship with your future grandchildren for neatness? I personally think not.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:49 pm
amother wrote:
Aqua, theres a middle way between letting them getting away with it, and barking at them non stop to make their beds, I think you know that. Theres also a middle way between a pristine and sparkling home to living in a messy pig sty, I think you know that to. We need to prepare and teach our girls to be able to run a home of their own, that wont happen if we let them get away with it. Healthy kids should be expected to make their beds, put their laundry in the hamper and clean up after themselves. Gosh, some of you are making it seem like you're raising animals.


Why just girls and not the boys - men run homes too. Some people are more fastidious by nature. My sons for example are naturally better at putting things away than my daughters. Someone not making their bed doesn’t make them an animal nor living in a pig sty.

The middle ground you speak of also includes live and let live and letting other people parent their own children their way. When I see “should” in a post, it always raises my shackles because it means the writer views that there is only one way to parent.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:50 pm
Amother aqua, forget about the mom or mom in law coming to visit. What about your daughters husband?? Will he be crazy for expecting a home where beds are made and there's no clothes lying around on the floor?
You almost seem proud that you're raising slobs.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:55 pm
amother wrote:
No, I don't. But often you can see them while visiting. Those whose bedrooms are clean have the public rooms clean and organized.


Oh that is nonsense. Heaps of people I know have their downstairs organised to perfection and yet there may be some signs of chaos, disorder and *gasp* living upstairs.

In my house, the reverse is currently true. We are in the middle of reorganization so we can decorate so our downstairs is a bit chaotic. Conversely, at least two of the upstairs bedrooms are well organised and neat because they have just been organised and decorated.

Stop judging people by their foyers and other public areas.
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